


How to Quit You

by Nny11



Series: Glitra Week 2019 [4]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, Angry Floof, Angry Small, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Violence, Catra is lacking a sense of self worth but what else is new, Catra is the reformed gang member, Child Abuse, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Glimmer is 3 ounces of whoop ass, Glimmer is the Rail Road Heiress, Glimmer's Assets, Glitra Week 2019, Gun Violence, Happy Ending, Healing, Healing isn't linear, Hordak is a lot more like Prime in this fic, Hordak's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Melog is a good boy, More tags to be added, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queer Character, Romantic Fluff, Semi-beta read, Set over about 60 years or so, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Suicidal Thoughts, Technically Fit in the Romantic Comedy Cliche of Exs, Tenderness, Western, Whump, Woman-Loving-Woman, Written Accent, You've Yee'd Your Last Haw, deeply in love, no editing we die like meh, sort of a slowburn, wlw living in the woods being gay and ironically not doing crime, world's longest engagement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2020-10-28 08:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20775374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nny11/pseuds/Nny11
Summary: It was only a matter of time before Catra's number came up, she's just not sure whether it was good or bad luck that lead Deputy Moon to find her.





	1. I Don't Want to Let You Go

Catra stared at the ground as it passed underneath the horses hooves. _ Dirt, dirt, rock, grass, dirt, rock, dirt, dirt. _ She didn’t really have many options besides naming things to keep herself sane. She was literally tied up on the rump of the damned creature and each cantering step made her chest and stomach ache worse.

She knew, logically, that she should just be grateful to be alive after a fall like that. Bruised and nothing broken, and again, for emphasis here, not **dead**.

“Tell me you’re still kickin’,” Deputy Moon called over her shoulder.

Catra grunted, “Good t’know you still care!”

“I don’t.”

Yeah. That was the problem there wasn’t it?

Deputy Glimmer Moon. Recently deputized Glimmer Moon. Glimmer as in the woman Catra had been madly in love with. Glimmer as in the woman who punched her as a parting gift when she found out about her old criminal past. A past which was just that. In the past. And besides all her crimes had happened a whole two states over. Too bad that was where Glimmer’s family was living. There was something horribly humiliating about having been arrested by her own damn ex-fiance. 

Them’s the breaks she supposed. And nothing ever really broke right for Catra.

“You sure?” She shouted, fighting off a wave of nausea. “You’re going through a lotta trouble for lil old me!”

“Shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you.”

Catra twisted just enough to see Glimmer’s leg and arm. “Kinda doubt it.”

Glimmer didn’t actually punch her that hard, but with her core muscles pitching a fit her head still bounced painfully off the horse’s flank.

“Woman, I am literally tied up right now! Jesus!”

“Yeah, w-well,” Glimmer’s voice faded as she mumbled her reply.

Catra wouldn’t have even minded this so bad if it weren’t for the fact that it was _ Glimmer _. She’d come to terms with her violent actions back when she’d been learning how the hell to settle down. She’d even gotten some mastery over her temper when Mrs. Angella Moon had helped her get a job with the railway. She’d known she was a bad person, but she’d fully intended to turn over a new leaf. Hells, she HAD turned over her new leaf!

She’d just forgotten that Shadow Weaver was a right old hag who could literally haunt her every step. Even from beyond the grave.

Had she burned that barn to the ground in a righteous fury? Hell yeah, and she’d do it again long as Weaver was still tied up and trapped under several crates. Too bad she wasn’t the one and only casualty the way Catra had planned. She’d had no idea that the one dumbass who’d gone rushing into the burning building, the very one who died from the smoke before getting burned up...well, turned out Micah Moon had been a self sacrificial idiot whose brain and heart were in inverted sizes. Catra had shouted at him not to do it, that the building was gonna collapse, but he’d gone in anyways. _ “There’s someone in there!” _ He’d cried out and Catra shouted one more time before he’d jumped into the flames.

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.

Catra had fled the state determined to make a new life for herself without a gang to drag her down. Willing to sacrifice one innocent man to escape her mistakes.

She shoulda known better.

The horse slowed to a stop, and Glimmer dismounted. Catra lifted her head a little to look around before being unceremoniously pulled off the horse’s ass and dropped by a copse of withered pinon trees. She couldn’t help the one weary chuckle as Deputy Moon secured her to the trees.

“Got something more to say?”

“Naw, just picturing myself tryin’ to hop away tied up like this.” Catra grinned. “You gotta admit that’s a little bit funny.”

Glimmer’s face twisted for a moment, a mix of amusement and bitterness before she turned and started setting up the camp properly. By the fifth time she shifted her weight around trying to keep feeling in her feet, which incidentally was the fifth time Glimmer had jerked or twitched, any plans to be calm and rational went out the window.

She laughed, doubled over as far as she could with so much rope tied around her middle. “Sorry-jesus fuck-sorry, I-I just, girl! You’re nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full a rocking chairs!”

Glimmer growled, but she was blushing as she turned away to focus on her task. “I’m being vigilant!”

“You’re bein’ twitchy like.” 

“You need another punch? I’m happy to oblige!”

“Naw, naw, c’mon now ain’t that big a thing is it? Letting me have a laugh?”

The kindling snapped in Glimmer’s hands as she threw it on the unlit fire pit. “You don’t deserve a laugh Catra. Not now. Not ever. You hear me?”

Glimmer had always said she loved the way Catra could find humor in any situation. That she could listen to Catra laughing endlessly. That she always appreciated hearing her so happy. That hearing Catra laugh was more than enough to set her off into a fit of giggles and brighten her day right up.

“Yeah,” Catra said, “yeah I hear you. You mind if I try and find a little bit a good left in what’s left of my life?”

Glimmer didn’t answer as she tried to get the fire going. Her attention furiously focused on each step. That hurt more than she'd expected.

“‘Cause when you deliver me there, you know I’ve got a quick drop and short stop right? Rather find a little peace somewhere.”

Despite the fire not quite being ready, Glimmer threw her flint on the ground before stalking over and kicking Catra in the side. “Sure, the way you let my dad find a little peace too huh!?”

“God dammit woman, I told you I didn’t mean to hurt him! I told him not to go into a burning building Glim!”

Another kick and another, and one more before Catra was gasping for air as her side went white hot. Glimmer glared down at her before she spoke again, “You’re a liar Catra D’riluth. A liar and a killer. You don’t get to talk about my dad. Understood?”

She scoffed, “You got it Deputy.”

“Shut up before I make that drop for you myself.”

There was a long beat of silence between them, both evaluating the other before Catra broke it again. “You really want me dead that badly?”

“Yes.” Glimmer hissed, eyes filling with unshed tears before she went back to the unlit fire.

This time Catra waited, she waited and watched as Glimmer made herself a dinner and drank some water. She waited as the sun went down, watching the moon rise over the mountain. She waited until the words had torn her heart into little shreds. But she’d always been just dumb enough to open her mouth, no matter the consequences.

“Glimmer, I really didn’t mean for him to get caught in the cross hairs. It was supposed to be an empty barn,” Well, that was the story she’d run with. Burning the barn for insurance money instead of violently and viciously killing one old woman. “I don’t know what you want me to say, I can’t just go back and change what happened.”

“Why’d you run?” The question was so short and sudden that Catra stared for a moment too long at Glimmer’s back. “Oh now you ran outta breath?”

“Naw, you know me better than that. I-heh. I ran because half a damn town saw me, a stranger, warning him away before he went in. They’d know I’d set the blaze so I booked it. I **was** in a gang and they weren’t exactly pleased by the attention it drew to us when my face showed up on wanted signs for murder.” That had been an unpleasant shock, watching her mug get plastered up at the train station. Somehow one little case of major murder had become two. She’d been almost numb afterwards realizing that she really couldn’t go back now. Catra tore her gaze away from Glimmer’s blurry form and let the night blindness turn the world black. “Couldn’t exactly stay after that.”

“So that’s it? What, you just made a mistake? A little whoopsie daisy is that it?”

“Didn’t know warning someone about danger was gonna be a mistake!”

Catra had expected Glimmer to yell, shout, hell maybe even to kick her again. She hadn’t expected the quiet soft tone. “So you were close enough for him to hear but not close enough to stop him? Don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m not. Glimmer, please look at me.” 

When she finally did Catra could see the tear tracks on her face, the miserable lost look that had no right to be on someone so beautiful. 

“I swear to you, Glimmer, I’m swearing it to you. The only thing I coulda done was run in after him and gotten us both killed.”

“Then you’re a coward.”

Her soul hurt, but she sighed, “...of death? Yeah. I’m a coward.”

Glimmer snorted, “Please, you always ran head first into danger.”

She had. When they’d run into that mountain lion, Catra had run at it screaming praying that she could buy Glimmer time. When that bandit had held them up at the bank, Catra had stabbed him when his gun pointed at Glimmer. When her horse had spooked and thrown her, Catra had stumbled through the dark to get to Glimmer’s house; only worried that she’d worry her and not caring about her concussion. She’d shimmied into nooks and crannies with rattlesnakes and black widows to get little rocks and things she thought Glimmer would like. She’d gone diving so deep in the lake she’d blacked out right before she’d surfaced to retrieve Glimmer’s beloved bracelet. Catra had always been reckless with her life when it came to Glimmer Moon. She hadn’t expected to enjoy her life until she’d met the woman who could shoot riding side saddle, the one with endless hope and a thirst for adventure. A woman quick to anger and quicker to forgive. The woman whose smile seemed just that much brighter for her, who looked at her and saw someone worthwhile.

“For you? Always.” Catra smiled sadly as Glimmer’s eyes snapped to her. “I hated it, I was always scared of it. But if I thought for even one moment it’d make you smile, I’d a done just about anything.”

“Like hell.” But her voice was soft and her shoulders had hunched. As if knowing Catra’s feelings had run so deep was a horrible burden. Maybe it was.

“Just so! I’m here aren’t I? Didn’t fight when you arrested me. Didn’t fight on the horse. Ain’t tried once to get away once. I don’t want to go, but you want me to. So I’m doing it.” Catra sniffed hard, refused to let the tears fall, and turned her head to spit harshly. “I made you a promise.”

“Damn you D’riluth.” Glimmer huffed, wiping at her eyes before grabbing her travel pack. “You-you just want me to let you go!”

“No. Glim, I want you to do whatever you got to do. You can only do what you can do.”

She’d said that so many times over the years. Holding Glimmer back from fights and joining her in the brawls. Over heartbreaking letters and animals not so cleanly killed when hunting. She hoped that someday Glimmer might actually believe her, understand her, listen to her. It’d been almost fifteen years since they’d met, but it seemed that one lesson still wasn’t sticking.

“Don’t lecture me, when I don’t see you givin’ it your all.” Glimmer said, kneeling down with her pack just inches from Catra. Searching for something.

“Grab my boot.” Catra made sure to give back the steady level stare she received. “I mean it.”

Glimmer reached out, resting her hand on top of Catra’s boot just below the ropes. She was trembling. It was a warm night, her voice was steady as always. But Catra had long since learned to make her voice sound in opposition to her feelings. She’d never learned how to stop shaking when her nerves got the best of her. Glimmer waited in silence, one minute. Then two before she pulled her hand back.

“I **am** giving it my all Princess.” Catra laughed without a trace of humor in it. Hollow and awful. “I really am.”

Glimmer swallowed hard before finding her hunting knife, and Catra felt her whole body start shaking worse.

Well. Alright then. 

She closed her eyes and waited, it felt like an eternity before a hand roughly grabbed the rope around her chest and dragged her forward but there wasn’t any pain. Catra’s eyes flew open as Glimmer cut the bindings away one at a time. Even once they’d all been cut away she didn’t move. Staring instead at the woman glaring hard at the knife in her hands.

“Go on.” Glimmer nodded out towards the inky black just outside the ring of light. “Just...get out of here. Nobody gotta know nothing.”

Catra slowly pulled herself up, using the rough bark of the trees to ground herself. “You sure?”

Glimmer stood, looking her over as if seeing her for the first time before she leaned forward and kissed her. Catra would never describe herself as a delicate lady. She didn’t go fainting at blood or screaming at indecency. She still had to hold on tighter than hell to the stupid scraggly tree branch nearest to her or she would have collapsed right back to the ground to never walk again.

When Glimmer broke away, her stern tone was undercut by the soft worry in her face. “Don’t make me regret this.”

Catra took one limping step away. Then another. And finally turned her back to stumble her way away. Back towards the road. Heading not to the nearest town, but instead limping to the train tracks and following those. She walked numbly for a few hours until she found a little way station with a strong lock and a weak door frame. Kicking it in hurt like hell, but some shelter sounded nice.

She looked up one more time at the full moon, maybe the only thing she’d have left of Glimmer, and let its light soak gently into her skin before going to sleep.


	2. No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer inched over and lightly kicked the woman’s boot, jumping back startled even though nothing happened. “Lord have mercy.”
> 
> Okay. So the body was definitely dead as a door nail. 
> 
> “We can’t just leave her here Glimmer, what if her family’s looking?” Bow’s voice floated through her head.
> 
> “Damn you Beauregard Archer and your good heart!” Glimmer scrubbed at her face. Guilt tripped by a man not even present. Typical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - Fluff: Horseback Riding
> 
> Thanks for the suggestion [TypoShifter ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weezelness/works) !

**Fourteen Years Earlier**

Glimmer had been riding for less than an hour and already felt horribly guilty. Had her mother been too controlling? Yes. Had her mother not listened? Of course. But had her mother also done it from a genuine and good place in her heart? Unfortunately for her conscious, yes. Angella Moon was not a cold and distance woman with no mind for anyone but herself. 

She just wanted Glimmer to have a good life. Wrapped in the softest wool's and surrounded by feather pillows inside of a fortress where she’d never be hurt.

Glimmer sighed dolefully and patted Star Wind’s neck. With hindsight, she wished she’d at least swung by Bow’s home or gotten Adora from Razz’s ranch. Flying off in a righteous fury was never that much fun when she was alone after all. But now that she had, Glimmer refused to turn around. Nothing but more scolding waited for her at home.

She was still lost in thought, desperately trying to find a way to enjoy the dregs of her escape when Star Wind startled. Glimmer shifted, ready to bolt as she looked for the disturbance. It could be anything. A snake, a lynx, a-a- A boot.

Glimmer glared at her mare before dismounting. A boot, honestly. As she reached to grab it, fully intent to throw it as far and as hard as she could, Glimmer finally noticed that it was in fact not a boot. It was someone’s foot. She blanched but quietly made her way around the juniper bush to find a woman.

She was a lanky thing, curled hair barely restrained in a messy bun, and her face covered in freckles. She wore sturdy work clothes, and her straw hat had fallen into the dirt. She was pretty.

Or would have been very pretty if she didn’t have dried drool covering her chin, and reeking of alcohol and sweat.

“Lord, sweet Jesus…” Glimmer pinched her nose as she nervously stood up and looked around. There was no one out here. No people, no smoke, not even a horse. She looked at the woman again.  _ Oh no, is she dead? _ The woman’s chest wasn’t moving. “Oh hell!”

This was not the adventure Glimmer had planned on! What was she even supposed to do with a dead body!? She looked over at her pearl quarter horse and then back at the body. “Alright, slow down Glimmer, maybe...maybe she’s not dead?”

Glimmer inched over and lightly kicked the woman’s boot, jumping back startled even though nothing happened. “Lord have  **mercy** .”

Okay. So the body was definitely  _ dead _ as a door nail. 

_ “We can’t just leave her here Glimmer, what if her family’s looking?” _ Bow’s voice floated through her head.

“Damn you Beauregard Archer and your good heart!” Glimmer scrubbed at her face. Guilt tripped by a man not even present. Typical. 

It took several minutes for her to calm down before she was able to convince Star Wind to stand still near the body. Two aborted attempts from the smell and one failed attempt because  _ she was touching a dead body _ later, and glimmer had manhandled the poor soul onto Star Wind’s back. She was catching her breath when the body snored.

Glimmer would love to say she didn’t scream, but scream and stumble behind the juniper bush she did. Staring wide eyed at the woman before letting out a string of curses he mother would never forgive her for.

“You son of a bitch, I thought you were dead! Oh Christ’s sake, how drunk off your ass were you? You-you dumb bastard! Get drunk like a normal degenerate. In town! Where it’s at least a little safer, hell's bells!” She was still shaking but felt exponentially better about the whole affair. 

Glimmer Moon, heiress of the railroad, once doer of good deeds now reduced to carrying drunkards around.

She stomped around to glare at the woman’s face, only to find her unfocused eyes looking around. One greenish brown, one blue. The most beautiful eyes she’d ever seen.

“Oh,” Glimmer whispered and flinched as the woman’s gaze suddenly went hard and focused on her.

There was a pause before she smiled and slurred, “M’ello!”

And then she passed back out.

Glimmer stared at her before slowly walking forward. It didn’t look like the woman was breathing, but she wasn’t falling for that trick twice. Holding her hand in front of the woman’s face she could feel short, soft puffs of warm air and that was enough. Glimmer glanced at Star Wind one more time before gingerly mounting up behind the woman. The stench was enough to make her gag but she wasn’t sure the woman would stay on the horse if Glimmer wasn’t holding her on.

“Bow,” she hissed as she tried to breath with only her mouth, “you better appreciate what I do for you.”

They’d only gotten halfway back before Glimmer thought to wonder what the townsfolk would say about this, and more importantly what the actual hell she was going to do with the woman. Somehow the task had been easier when Glimmer thought she was doing a good turn to a departed soul, getting her a proper burial and closure.

_ What would Bow do? _ Bow would take her home and nurse her back to health while helping his father’s preach about the dangers and evils of alcohol. That was too much time. Too much effort.

_ Okay, what would Adora do? _ Adora...Adora was such a rule follower at times, she’d turn her into the sheriff’s office. Well that sounded reasonable didn’t it? She could just bring the woman there to sleep it off and-

“Thas a  **very** purdy brace-klet. Let. Very-very...it’s nice!” The woman mumbled and slurred, but Glimmer still startled behind her. The stranger had the gall to laugh. “Woah there girl, it’s fiiiiine. Yer alright girl.”

“Excuse me?” Glimmer huffed, she was not some nag that needed a pat and an apple!

“Hm?” The woman tried to turn around, only succeeding in almost taking them both right off poor Star Wind.

“Stop it!” She didn’t stop. “Would you please stop that!?”

“Stop whut?”

“You’re gonna get us thrown!” Glimmer lied, not wanting to try and explain to a drunk woman why what she was doing was annoying and rude. She’d find it easier to tell a rock to move.

“Naw, no-whu I won’t! I’m, I’m very good at this!”

“Sure,” Glimmer groaned, but her moment of annoyed distraction was enough for the woman to somehow flip around and be facing her. “Hell!”

She laughed. It was squeaky and higher pitched then Glimmer had expected. Her eyes squeezed shut as she did so, mouth wide open and showing her oddly sharp looking canines. To Glimmer’s surprise she was able to hold two opposing thoughts at the moment.  _ She’s beautiful and I love that laugh. _ But also:  _ WHAT DIED IN HER MOUTH, LORDY LOU! _

“Tol’ you!” The woman crowed. “I kin do all, all sorts a tricksy stuff.”

Glimmer choked back her gag, and leaned as far back as possible. “I can see that.”

“Yup. Oh, I like yer dress. Very nice.”

Glimmer was wearing a plain and frumpy yellow thing, and the bodice was on inside out since she’d thrown it on it a rage filled huff. “...thank you.”

“Mmm-hm. Purdy brace-a-klet and pretty purdy dress. Makes sense! You’re very nice yourself.” The woman nodded sagely before moving like water. Glimmer suddenly found the woman behind her, leaning heavily on her back. “Imma get s’more sleep.”

And then she went out like a light.

“What in the world just happened?” Glimmer pleaded towards the sky as if that would make a difference.

It was a long, long ride to the sheriff’s office.

With the burden behind her and the woman safe off, Glimmer had quite a tale to tell anyone curious to hear it. And that thought managed to float her through sneaking back into her own home to change into some cleaner clothes. She weathered her mother’s doting, and Bow’s chastising, and Adora’s grumbling about being excluded from the adventure. In fact, Glimmer had made it a whole three days before running into the stranger again.

This time the woman was sober, and showing off some rather fancy rodeo moves to a few cowhands.

With the sun pouring down on her and the confident smirk as she danced with that rope, Glimmer had to admit the woman had talent. She joined the small crowd gathering around the auction pen to watch as one of the men said something, and the woman’s face went hard. There was a short argument and onto a horse she went, a riding demonstration more impressive than anything Glimmer had ever seen began.

Adora whistled softly, “Well she’s got talent! Wonder who that is?”

“Uh,” Glimmer eloquently started, “that’s the woman I found.”

“What?” Adora looked back up before turning towards her, “I call bullshit!”

“Well I ain’t lyin’, that’s her!” Glimmer puffed herself up

“Oh yeah?” Adora’s grin turned evilly mischievous and Glimmer got a bad feeling she’d played right into a trap. “Then go say hi.”

The smart thing was to refuse. The smart thing was to call Adora on her tomfoolery. The smart thing was to explain that just because the woman had called her pretty and Glimmer had felt the same didn’t mean they were in love. Because Adora was a hopeless, helpless romantic who’s many failed attempts at getting her friends together were infamous.

“Well maybe I will!” Is what Glimmer said instead. Stomping over until she was standing on the outside of the wooden fence.

The woman rode right past her, pulling the horse to a hard stop before backing up.

Glimmer just about swallowed her tongue as those piercing eyes met her own. “Hello.”

The woman smiled, “Hello properly this time Miss. I, uh, didn’t have a chance to say thank you. So...thank you.”

“It weren’t nothing,” Glimmer winced and cleared her throat. Way to sound impressive. “I’m sure you would have done the same.”

The woman shrugged, “Still, a right good thing you did. I owe you.”

“No you don’t, where would we be if we didn’t help one another?” Glimmer waved a hand dismissively.

“Well I, for one, would be dead and no one woulda found my bones.” The woman’s tone was hard and offered no room to fight. “I say again Miss, thank you. I owe you my life for what little that’s worth.”

“You can’t owe someone who’s name you don’t know.”

“Watch me.”

Glimmer laughed nervously, wiping sweat off her brow. “Alright, alright! I concede Miss Mysterious Stranger!”

The woman tipped her hat, “Name’s Catra D’riluth Miss.”

“Alright then Catra D’riluth, my name is Glimmer Moon.” Glimmer reached her hand out and was absolutely gratified by the dumbstruck look on Catra’s face.

There was a pause before Catra gingerly took her hand and shook it. “Pleasure’s all mine Miss Moon. Stick around would ya? Got a blow hard who might want his horse back.”

“Sure, and don’t call me Miss Moon, D’riluth.”

Catra had already started riding back when she shouted over her shoulder, “Sure thing Miss!”

_ Damn you Adora Eternia, what have you done? _ Glimmer couldn’t stop grinning even as her heart started hammering away. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, he mother would not approve of this!  _ Lord take pity on your foolish child! _

Instead of taking pity, Glimmer soon found herself walking with Catra since Adora had all but vanished. And a walk lead to some talk. And the talk lead to some interesting business. And before Glimmer knew it, she had managed to convince her mother to hire her a new riding instructor. No matter how much she protested to both her so called friends that she could use the help, no matter how many times she pointed out Catra’s skills, they didn’t give her the time of day. Both laughing harder and harder as Glimmer hunted Catra down and told her about the job.

“‘N Who are they?” Catra grumbled, glaring at the two idiots leaning on one another for support.

“Allegedly my friends, but I’m thinking they might just be two little fools!”

“Sounds ‘bout right.”

“R-riding lessons!” Adora wheezed between snorting laughter. “Don’t, now, d-don’t let us stop you two!”

Not that she’d needed the encouragement, but Glimmer decided to take that advice. She grabbed Catra’s hand and tugged her along. “We won’t, stay here and laugh till your jaws fall off. Don’t let me catch you following.”

Bow collapsed completely and Adora doubled over. 

But Catra held her hand the whole way back to the stable, so Glimmer decided that was a win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do love me some parallels!
> 
> Fun Fact: In the 1985 animated She-Ra Swiftwind has a mate named Star Wind and they have a baby that Hordak tries to kidnap. Fun times. :D


	3. All Aboard!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra spends another day on the railroad trying to survive her new job, Glimmer decides to have a little more adventure in her life. Lonnie is just so, so very tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, y'all wanna know what's crazy? THIS AMAZING FAN ART FROM [ THERODRIGATOR6](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/187996434667/how-to-quit-you-rtghnsrthnrth-found-a-new-poison)!!!

Catra leaned forward into the wind as she jumped over the gap in the cars, heart twisting in panic as her foot slipped. For a brief moment she was sure she was gonna get thrown right under the heavy wheels of the train before her knee hit the roof and she didn’t slide away. Shakily getting up, she quickly jammed her club into the brake wheel and heaved. Holding on tight as possible as the train rocked side to side, before getting the brakes engaged. It took a moment to free her club up before she ran to the next car.

It turned out the life of a brakeman was far less romantic than she’d envisioned.

Sure she’d seen the people up top, she’d seen them flipping switches, hopping on and off the moving train as needed. She’d never thought much about it beyond wondering why the hell someone would ever work a job like that. Getting shot at was one thing, willingly risking your hands and fingers for a job where you couldn’t even get some damn insurance? Well that was right stupid!

Why, why did she always feel a need to open her big mouth and prove herself a fool?

_ “So yer firing me?” Catra had asked, trying to keep her hands still by death gripping her own belt. Her ears were ringing a little as she struggled to keep her temper in check. _

_ “Yes and no.” Mrs. Angella Moon was an imposing figure who Catra had done her level best to avoid. She’d known they have to talk on occasion, since she was technically a tutor or some other hogwash. But Glimmer always found a way to make it work. “I’d like to offer you a position with me, on the Bright Moon Rail Line. You’d have to work your way up, but I think you would make a mighty fine conductor myself.” _

Catra got the last brake turned and sat down panting to get her breath back. “Why...do I...let women...trick me?”

The bell started to go and Catra groaned as she hauled herself to the side of the car and climbed onto the ladder, waiting until they were a little closer to the station before dropping down to wait for the back car. She smiled and waved to a little boy who looked over the moon to see her, before turning sharply to hide her scowl. 

_ “Catra, I don’t know your past and I couldn’t care less. You work hard. Your dedicated and smart. And if that’s all we needed at Bright Moon, you’d be set for life.” _

_ Catra swallowed thickly, doing her best to not scream in Mrs. Moon’s face. _

_ “You can’t just go hauling off on every idiot you meet, you hear?” _

_ Her jaw ached as she forced it open. “Yes ma’am.” _

_ Her anger almost boiled all the way over when Mrs. Moon gently gripped her shoulders, the gentle smile she flashed, the warmth to her tone, “See you make that change.” _

She didn’t want to be trapped as a brakeman forever. If she didn’t just slip and fall, or die from exposure, the hours might get her before the smoke did. Catra scrubbed at her face. Maybe she should’ve joined the union?

“Catra!”

Yeah, that’s the sort of tone Glimmer would’ve started with at least. Her and her mother both, too damned  **nice** at times.

“D’riluth, God as my witness, if you are just ignoring me!”

“Whu?” Catra finally turned around and burst into peals of laughter.

Glimmer, the skirts of her blue and purple tea dress hiked up high enough to show the frills of her drawers, was hustling over either unaware or uncaring of the looks she got. Her hair was piled high and held in place with some sort of ribbon, but it had already fallen out and begun framing her face. Her gloves were covered in dust and dirt, her shawl was a mangled mess. All in all, it was her.

“Don’t you laugh at me D’riluth!”

“Sorry miss! I am, I am mighty sorry if I caused you any offense.” Catra sniggered, coughed, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and hoped she wouldn’t start laughing again.

“No you ain’t.” Glimmer laughed, her frown quickly changing into a bright smile.

“No ma’am, I ain’t.” Catra glanced over her shoulder, there were already plenty of men hauling out the goods but it certainly wouldn’t take long. “Now what in the world are you doing this far out North?”

Glimmer huffed, rolling her eyes before grumbling, “If you must know Miss Catra I was invited to Frosta Mackenzie’s cotillon.”

“Mmm, I can see that now, shoulda known from the- now is that dirt or manure?”

Glimmer wasted no time smacking her a few times on the shoulder. “You are a beast!”

“Just so!” The whistle blew and Catra froze, desperately wishing she could just stay here and ride home with Glimmer. But that would mean passing up her paycheck, and worse, disappointing Mrs. Moon. “Well I’m afraid this is where we part.”

“Catra, don’t you dare- Catra!”

But the trains don’t wait, so up she scampered quickly releasing the brakes in reverse until she made it to the caboose. Hanging off the side of the car she signalled her all clear to the front breakman, and waved to the kids as the rolled past. This time she didn’t have to force a smile for propriety’s sake. Glimmer just had that effect on her. Catra felt her grin get a little dopey but didn’t pay it no never mind, instead watching the train station grow further and further away with a sigh. Damn. She was really gonna have to do something about that wasn’t she? Probably wouldn’t do to get a bounty put on her head for angering Angella Moon.

“Gracious! How in the hell do you make this look so easy?” Glimmer called.

Catra gripped the ladder tightly before turning to look up at Glimmer’s red face. The woman folded her hands under her chin and laughed breathlessly. “I almost fell off at least a few times!”

“The hell are you doing!?” Catra hissed, then smacked her forehead into the ladder before shouting the question instead.

“Well that’s a fine how do you do!”

“God damn it woman, what the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Catra scurried a few rungs up to see if the head breakman had noticed, but it looked all clear. “You’re gonna get yerself killed!”

“Pfft, not if you tell me what I need to look out for.”

Catra glared and pulled herself up high enough to be nearly nose to nose. “Get. Off. The. Roof. Else you’ll be looking out for my damn fist.”

Glimmer shimmied herself forward just enough that they did bump noses. “You know, when a young woman dotes on you, most civilized people would say thank you.”

“I’d  **thank you** if you’d get off my roof!” Catra growled. “So get down or I knock you off and let you walk back to town.”

Glimmer screamed wordlessly before pulling herself back. Catra got up just in time to see her disappear down the back ladder. And just in time to watch Glimmer’s boots go flying off the train.

“Land’s sake, you better get me a new pair wherever we’re going!”

“That weren’t me!”

“Well you won’t spend time with me, won’t explain the work, and now you’re mad at me for goodness knows. The least you can do is buy me a new pair of boots.” Glimmer hissed.

“The-the damn job is watching for signals so I know when to switch the tracks, and listenin’ for the whistle to turn on the brakes. There you go, now we can be baked and bored together!” Catra yelped as the car rocked violently, gripping the top rung for dear life and looking up to the front of the train in case she’d missed something. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Glimmer shrieked from the back ladder. The one she’d just climbed down. The one Catra swore she was going to snap off with her bare hands if Glimmer got herself hurt.

“If I do will you shut up?”

The whistle gave a sharp blow and Catra scrambled. “Stay here!”

Half speed to get through the tunnel, oh lord Glimmer was going to go into the tunnel? Catra had jumped to the second car only to find Glimmer already tugging on the brake wheel. “What did I just say!?”

Glimmer smirked over her shoulder, her skirts now tied up around her waist and her bustle missing as she made a run for the next car. Catra started after her, before doubling back to make sure the wheel had been turned only part way, and then took off. That was about the way the whole affair went until she met with the Conductor, who had taken on the shift of the head brakeman. Lonnie glared at her and Catra’s vision almost went black.

“Well howdy! Pleasure to meet you ma’am, I’m Glimmer Moon.” Glimmer smiled brightly, giving a slight curtsey as Lonnie’s mouth dropped wide open.

And just like that Catra wasn’t angry anymore. When Lonnie looked at her, desperately as if she had an answer, Catra just smiled and swung her club a little.

“I would much prefer if this meeting took place inside one of the cars Miss Moon, we are about to go through the Northern Reach Tunnel. Ain’t no place for a lady such as yourself.”

Oh if it had been anyone else, that might have sounded flattering. As it was Catra did her best to not laugh in Lonnie’s face.

“No I don’t think so.” Glimmer said, tone harsh and clipped. “In fact Miss D’riluth was just showing me what sort of work she does here. You know how dangerous this all is Miss?”

It was a miracle that Lonnie’s teeth didn’t crack.

“And to think, she’s been working hard for, what, nearly a year now and still doing this?” Glimmer laughed, waving one hand as if this was a simple conversation over tea and cake. “Now that don’t seem right do it?”

“Ma’am, the Apprentice here-”

“Catra.” Glimmer corrected.

Lonnie let out a suffering sigh, “Yes ma’am, Apprentice Catra is still a greenhorn. She’ll advance when I say so.”

“Well I suppose that makes sense. I’ll just have to speak with my mother then Miss…?”

Catra cut in before the other woman could speak, “Miss Glimmer, may I introduce the conductor, Lonnie Gary. She’s Mr. Turron’s daughter.”

“Oh, and how is Mr. Turron, we were awful sad to hear he couldn’t make it to our thanksgiving dance. But a broken leg wouldn’t find no peace I fear!”

There it was. The exact moment that Catra could watch the life and hope drain out of Lonnie’s eyes. Catra held her arm out and Glimmer looped her hand through it as if they were made for it.

“Well as can be expected Miss. Thank you kindly.” Lonnie looked at her pocket watch before glaring at Catra. “Alright then, enjoy your...day Miss Moon. D’riluth, get those breaks open.”

“Oh yes ma’am, right away.” Catra still waited until Lonnie turned and began opening the breaks on her half of the freight train. Then she let herself laugh as she fumbled the wheel back open. “Alright, alright, I ain’t mad atchyou no more. That was worth its weight in gold!”

“Thank you kindly,” Glimmer said, mocking Lonnie’s tone as she curtsied again.

“Oh hush, alright back this way then, get ‘em opened up and then get something to cover your face with. Tunnels are ‘bout the worst damn part of this job with all that soot.”

Glimmer was already running and jumping back to the next car though. “Sure, only if’n you can beat me there!”

“Cheater!” Catra laughed as she ran and made her way back as fast as possible.

She only beat Glimmer by a hair, and had insisted on helping to tie her shawl around her mouth and nose. Ultimately, Catra decided, she got to touch Glimmer’s neck so it was a damn good day. Having an excuse to hold onto her waist as they traveled through the inky black of the tunnel was probably the best thing that had ever happened in her life. Catra could say with confidence that Mrs. Moon was going to kill her and throw her body to the hogs.

Oh, but it had been worth it. Very worth the trouble indeed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the choo choo I saw today! It's the AT&SF 2926 steam locomotive that's being restored!
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/183374770@N04/48811829892/in/dateposted/)


	4. You Heard the One About the Horse’s Face? Ah, never mind, it’s too long!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer is fed up with Catra trying to pass the buck, Catra is trying to not admit anything, and the horses are missing.
> 
> And then there's the mountain lion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [TypoShifter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weezelness/pseuds/TypoShifter) and [dragonesdepapel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonesdepapel/pseuds/dragonesdepapel) for helping me out with this chapter! :D

Glimmer could not believe it. After a half year of private riding lessons she’d long since assumed there was nothing Catra  _ couldn’t _ do in regards to horses. She’d watched the impressive woman ride in several styles, calm frightening horses, convince spooked and nervous ones too. Glimmer’s crush had become something more, and her admiration had gone from an appreciation of physical attributes to those inner workings. At least when things were right as rain. Catra was gruff, sure, but there was a sweetness in there when they weren’t fighting; an easy excitement and a soft smile when she was proud of you that more than outweighed any sneer when you failed. Glimmer had decided it was truly unfair how nearly perfect Catra D’riluth could be given just the slightest chance.   
  
“How in the hell did this happen?” Catra moaned, mopping at her sweaty face with a handkerchief. “Did’n ya tie them up?”

Glimmer did her best to not grind her teeth. This was at least the fifth time she’d been asked, and it hadn’t gotten any cuter as her patience had frayed under the heat of the sun. “You know that I did!  _ You _ checked the knots.”

Catra grumbled something unintelligible but kept trudging forward. Glimmer growled, dragging her hands down her face just to force the energy out somewhere.  _ I’m gonna kill her! I’m gonna kill her  _ ** _dead_ ** . 

Unwilling to let Catra get away with anything after all her harassing, Glimmer practically spit, “It’s considered rude round these parts to mumble Miss D’riluth.”

_ Let’s hear her talk her way out of that! _

“How am I the one in trouble?” Catra huffed, eyes flashing dangerously as she stopped to whirl on the other woman. One thing Glimmer had learned about Catra was that she was a spring ready to shoot forward at any given moment. Apparently she’d decided that Glimmer asking for just the barest minimum of common decency was too much! The nerve! When Glimmer only glared back, Catra snarled, snapping at her, “I didn’t get the horses lost!”

“YOU-mmmmm, how  **can** I put this for your sensibilities?” Glimmer asked with as much sarcasm as she possibly could.   
  
“Sensibilities!” Catra gasped, looking a split second away from throwing punches.

_ Lord just take me now, I’ve made my peace and I am quickly losing it! _ Glimmer took a second to take a deep breath and then smiled as charmingly as she could force herself to. “Why Miss D’riluth, while I know I tied them horses, I also asked you to check my knot to make sure they were secure. Which you said you did. And now they’re GONE. Much as you want to shift the blame, you were the last one with hands on that rope. So how about you stop trying to act like I’m the only one who made a mistake, when you sure as  **hell** didn’t check nothing! At least I ain’t moping around being  _ worthless _ on this here fine afternoon!”

Catra stood frozen, her face went blank and Glimmer smirked victoriously. About time someone took the words out of her mouth! But when the other woman didn’t come out of it, Glimmer swallowed hard trying to keep her nerves in check. “Uh, Catra?” 

Land’s sake, she’d meant to be harsh but maybe...maybe not that harsh. She took a tentative step forward and when her companion didn’t react Glimmer got close enough to wave a hand in front of her face.

Nothing. Her eyes were trained on the spot Glimmer had been in, instead of where she was. When she looked over her shoulder there was nothing to see. An icy chill went down her spine as Glimmer cautiously walked over. Caught halfway between furious and frightened she called out, “Catra? God as my witness, if this is a joke it ain’t funny! Are you- hmph! ...Catra?”

This close Glimmer could see just how fast her friend was breathing. One last look into her eyes changed her tune right quick. What little good it would do to go from steaming mad to shaking nervous, she couldn’t say. But Glimmer had never seen Catra afraid before.  _ Don’t panic Moon, maybe it’s heatstroke. Heatstroke! Don’t be stupid. _

She’d half called Catra’s name again, hands gently wrapping around her biceps when Catra startled. She jerked her arms free, stumbling backwards in a panic. Her face twisting into some demon’s before she growled, “I don’t need the help of some useless little girl!”

Glimmer flinched, hand pulled back to her chest. She stared for a moment at all that rage that was boiling out of her seams. It weren’t normal for someone to just...not be there like that. Despite wanting to snap back about how she was only being a concerned friend, Glimmer only needed to remember that vacant scared look to keep her head. “Are you-”

“Get this through your damn skull,” Catra didn’t shout, didn’t need to shout when she stalked forward and leaned into Glimmer’s space, one finger jabbing sharply into her chest, “your mommy ain’t here to save you from this fine mess you made, and I don’t need no one’s help. Especially not when they’re too stupid to understand they ain’t wanted! You got no problem pretending you can be responsible, but first chance you get you blame it on everyone but yourself. You’re a right child Moon, and I’m done fixing everything you break you hear me?”

Glimmer’s heart pulled tight even as she was sure it musta been breaking. Desperate to make sure she didn’t start crying, Glimmer shoved Catra back as hard as she could. She needed the space, she needed to breath. Catra hated her, didn’t need to say it in so many words though. Maybe she’d always hated her, just humoring her as long as Glimmer bent to her will. Well then. Well then… Glimmer locked herself down tight before answering, “I hear you loud and clear D’riluth.”

Her temper only flared up worse when Catra finally seemed to snap out of it. “I...shit, Glim-”

“I understand.” Glimmer hissed, knocking their shoulders together as she passed. At least one of them needed to find the horses before something came along and found them first, and it certainly wouldn’t be one unstable Catra D’riluth. “You are free to leave if that’s what you want, town’s still a half day walk.”

She didn’t turn around but made sure to snatch her hand up right quick when Catra tried to grab it. 

Catra still had the gall to speak, “Will you please just wait a moment?”

Glimmer didn’t respond, instead focusing back onto the tracks they’d been following. After her mother had agreed to promote Catra to an office position, Glimmer had been ecstatic to spend more time with her friend. That had been proving to be possibly a mistake. In the half year since she’d been working in town it seemed like all they’d done was fight. Glimmer could suddenly slot all the time she’d thought they’d been happy together right into place. Sure they’d spend a little time together in peace, often when her mother was around, outside of that Catra had simply gotten mean. Or maybe she’d always been mean and Glimmer had been too foolish to notice. 

Or worse, perhaps Catra had only ever been interested in what Glimmer could do for her financial prospects. 

“Glimmer? I- okay, look, okay we don’t have to stop, but I... Look, I just-”

She almost laughed at that. How pathetic? The woman couldn’t even apologize for losing her temper. Glimmer wiped at her eyes as she marched forwards. Fine. Fine then, Glimmer had other friends. Real friends! Who needed stupid, angry Catra D’riluth? Who would want her anyways?

“Glimmer?”

Certainly not her!

“Glimmer!”

_ Lord please _ , Glimmer begged silently,  _ give me the strength to survive this too. _ They’d find the horses and say goodbye to one another and she’d find someone who would appreciate-

“GLIMMER!”

“What!?” Glimmer finally looked up and froze.

There, not twenty feet away, was a mountain lion. It stood at least half as tall as she was, tail swishing slowly back and forth. For one moment her brain sputtered, forgetting everything she’d been taught about what to do in this situation, simple white noise before she snapped back to. 

Back away slowly, look big, and make noise.

“YO CAT, YEAH! GET, NOW I SAID GET!” Catra was, luckily, already working on the make noise portion, waving her arms with her hat in one hand.

Glimmer took a half step back, and when the lion hunched in on itself the world froze. Was it going to bolt or spring? She couldn’t tell.

“Glimmer, run!” Catra apparently didn’t care. Screaming wordlessly she charged full speed ahead at the beast. The exact opposite of what you were supposed to do. 

“CATRA!”

The lion turned, fleeing down the path as Catra  _ chased it _ further down the trail. Glimmer found herself chasing after the fool of a woman who had apparently decided that running towards danger was a good idea. It was like being up on one of the trains again, knowing they could both die any moment but still desperate to make her way to her.

Her mind had always enjoyed jumping to awful conclusions, and in that eternity, as Glimmer pushed herself forward, she could only picture this woman she’d been falling for bleeding to death on the trail. She couldn’t lose someone she loved like that again. She couldn’t. She couldn’t!

Between one heartbeat and the next she was trapped remembering the pain of losing her father. Watching her mother turn cold and turn away. What would Glimmer even do if Catra died because Glimmer had been so dang angry with someone she loved so much that she wouldn’t listen? If Catra died because of her...she couldn't survive that. The whole world ceased to exist as Catra turned a corner. Glimmer screamed, pushing all the memories away, pushing all the feelings away.  _ Just run! _

But, just as quickly as the whole debacle started, it ended. Her eternal moment of terror coming to an end too abruptly to do anything about it. Catra stopped running and Glimmer crashed into her back. With her heart still in her throat and breathing wildly out of control; the two quickly tumbled to the ground. Glimmer pushed herself up just far enough to glare as Catra flipped around onto her back.

“Glimmer, what the hell?” Catra scowled and tried to sit up, but Glimmer grabbed her shoulders to push her back down, dropping her weight to straddle her lap.

“No! You listen to me Catra D’riluth! You listen good! I did not get you outta that death trap of a job just for you to throw your life away!” Glimmer all but screamed, tears filling her eyes now that the danger had passed.

Catra stared at her wide eyed and mouth open, before scoffing softly. “It’s mine to throw away.”

Glimmer slapped her. She hadn’t meant to, but hearing those words made the whole world disappear in a haze of fear.  _ Not again, not again, never again! _ Glimmer squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop herself from crying to no avail. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare!”

“Whoah, hang on, hang on no need to get like that!” Catra hands cupped her cheeks, thumbs swiping gently. When Glimmer finally opened her eyes, breathing shaky and harsh as she looked down, Catra was looking at her so softly. “None of that. I’m alright! We are both alright!”

“No we ain’t!” She sniffled, but this time when Catra started to sit up, Glimmer let her. “No we ain’t, good Lord, we’re in the middle of nowhere, the damn horses ran ‘cause I didn’t-I didn’t tie them right-”

Catra hugged her. “Shush! Look, damn, I shouldn’t a said that alright? You were right, I was the last one that touched the rope and that means it’s on me. I just...look, I was just a bit distracted and didn’t want to admit it.”

“Distracted?” She mumbled into Catra’s shoulder, hands wound tight in the back of the other woman’s waist coat. “By what, the cactus? A rock?”

“Never you mind!” Catra tried to pull back but Glimmer refused and simply waited until Catra sighed, “You ain’t letting me up till I tell huh?”

“Even got it in one.”

“You sure you ain’t evil?” Catra chuckled when Glimmer slapped her back a little. “Fine! I...those are just some very, uh, well fitted pants is all.”

“What?”

Glimmer pulled back to look at her riding trousers. She’d gotten them made with extra reinforcement to make up for all the extra hours she’d been spending in the saddle trying to impress the woman trapped under her. They were nothing special, in fact, Glimmer was a bit upset when she’d got them the night before as they were tighter than she’d expected them to be. She’d been mortified to have anyone in town see her thighs and backside that well, and had scrambled to get on Star Wind before Catra would notice and make fun of her.

“...oh bless your heart.” Catra weakly snickered.

Oh.  _ OH! _

Glimmer turned beat red and scrubbed at her face. “Are you telling me you didn’t check on the horses because you were looking at my-”

“In my defense it is a mighty fine ass!”

“Heaven’s to Betsy,” Glimmer laughed, quickly standing before glaring down at Catra’s smiling face. “What a fine thing to say to a young lady!”

“Almost as fine as your assets” Catra’s grin was only a little awkward and unsure, but she accepted the hand up.

“Shush!” Glimmer grumbled looking at their hands.

Catra didn’t let go, in fact she covered their still joined hands with her free one. Her voice was soft and filled to breaking with emotion. “Glimmer? I shouldn’t have snapped at you. What I said was...well, it’s not true. I said it to hurt you.”

“It worked.” Glimmer refused to let her go when Catra tried to pull back. Their eyes locked and even though it scared her, she pushed forward. “You cain’t do that again Catra. Next time you break my heart, it’ll be for good.”

Catra nodded.

“When you moved into town, I was so excited to get to see you. And when you’re happy? It’s like a sun shower. You can be so wonderful that I forget what you’re like when you aren’t. ‘Cause when you ain’t happy? ...I can’t keep ignoring that forever. You gotta promise you’ll try. Just, at least promise me you will?”

Catra had dropped her gaze halfway through, but when she looked back up there was fire there again. “I will. I promise I will.”

“Okay.” Glimmer felt a trembling in her hand before realizing it was Catra shaking like a leaf. “Okay, thank you. Now let’s find those damn horses and go home.”

This time, when Catra tried to let go, Glimmer held tight and pulled her gently by the hand. Leading her back to the trail where they’d been following two sets of horse tracks. They didn’t speak as they searched once more. Catra’s trembling eventually stopped, and Glimmer was almost grateful when her heartbeat slowed enough for her to be annoyed once more by the heat.

In the end, it turned out their horses had managed to find a small bit of shade and a tiny little trickle of water. Star Wind had been lazily attempting to graze on some buffalo grass while Tao, Catra’s brute of a quarter horse, had jammed his nose as deep into the water as he could.

“If you managed to drown yourself in the damned mesa I would have killed you myself,” Catra huffed as they mounted up and began the ride back towards home.

“Was that gonna be before or after you let that cat maul you?” Glimmer snickered as her companion groaned. When she only burst into a full laugh, Catra spurred Tao into a canter. Glimmer tried to catch up, shouting, “Or were you gonna kill him after you died from staring at me? Not that I’m complaining. Much. You coulda said something earlier!”

Harassing Catra all the way back into town was almost worth the rest of the emotional mess they’d barely managed to walk away from. Glimmer had to admit what made it worth it was seeing her two dusty hand prints on the small of Catra’s back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: It all goes horribly wrong at a bank robbery, and after years of restraint Catra lets loose.


	5. Bank Robbery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer finally gets a look at the darkness Catra's been hiding, and it ain't pretty. She comes to a few realizations, stops taking her relationships for granted, and reaches out to start fixing her mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my editor/beta [ TypoShifter!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weezelness/pseuds/TypoShifter)
> 
> There is a very good reason this fic is tagged for graphic depictions of violence. It's this chapter! (Plus a few other things not to be mentioned here, don't you pay that no never mind anyhow.)
> 
> To skip the violence, jump forward when the bank robbery starts at "THIS IS A HOLD UP" and jump to "Already there was a buzz of people outside", feel free to use the search function to jump or look for the extra space between paragraphs. General description of what happened will be in the end note.
> 
> Also, this was supposed to be Catra's PoV, Glimmer sparkle fist of friendship punched me so it's her instead. 
> 
> This chapter is fluff, whump/angst, fluff I swear!

Laying in bed that night, Glimmer was unable to sleep thanks to her emotions being all snarled up. Like tangled lace. Like a pit of vipers. Her heart clenched painfully as she fisted her sheets tightly. Maybe she should have taken her mother up on that shot of tequila, God knew she wasn’t doing better without it. 

Catra killed a man. She’d killed him.

_ For good reason. _ Glimmer sighed at her cracked ceiling. 

It had started when her mother had asked her to withdraw a rather hefty sum of money at the bank. Catra had been staring almost dead eyed at a ledger of numbers until she’d heard that, and had so gallantly offered to walk her there and back.

“Dangerous thing to be seen walking outta bank Miss, who knows what could happen without someone there?” Catra had been smirking, hip cocked out as she rolled her sleeves back down, confident Glimmer would agree and, therefore, unworried about ink getting on them. Completely unaware that she’d already smeared some on the side of her neck.

Glimmer had laughed, “Oh? Pray tell what would some nefarious ne'er-do-well be doing out here in this little place? I think you just want to escape your readings Miss D’riluth.”

Catra had clutched dramatically at her heart. “Now you done gone and wounded me.”

Ultimately her mother had intervened with an eye roll. “Catra, take a break and get her home safe.”

“Mother!” Glimmer had blushed, mortified at the assistance.

“Have an enjoyable stroll with some enjoyable companionship won’t you?” Angella said with a smile and a kiss to her cheek. “Besides, no daughter of mine would be so rude as to turn down such a kind offer.”

Her mother had relaxed her iron grip over the past few years, but only when she knew someone would be with her precious daughter. With Catra working in the same office and Adora finally working on getting deputized, she had found herself spending even more awkward time with a woman she loved and didn’t know what in the Sam Hill to do about.

Catra, as she always did when Mrs. Moon gave her orders, had sobered up right quick, “Yes ma’am.”

It hadn’t stopped her from bowing deeply when she opened the front door, and hadn’t stopped her from offering her arm as they strolled. Generally it hadn’t stopped Catra from doing much more than walking out with her spin stiff as a board until they rounded the first corner. 

The walk had been pleasant enough, with fall settling in the temperature had begun going up and down in rapid swings. The thermometer at the general store showing a chilly 43 in the morning and 75 by the afternoon. But right now, at mid morning, it was still cool enough to be pleasant without being cold. As they walked, she’d only been concerned about having to pull out her winter coat to beat the dust out of it, and had been thoroughly enjoying the heat from Catra’s body pressed into hers.

The start of their walk was picture perfect. Almost a caricature compared to what a living hell it had become. 

Desperate as she was, Glimmer found that even with the quiet and dark of night she couldn’t quite remember walking into the bank itself. It’s odd, she thought, to forget something that wasn’t even bad but to remember so much of the fight. She does remember waiting at the window, catching some secret, and some not so secret, looks at Catra in the shiny brass panel. 

It was the sound of someone screaming that hit first, then a loud banging before a man hollered, “EVERYONE THIS IS A STICK UP. STAY CALM AND NO ONE GOTTA GET HURT!”

Time seemed to move too slow and yet too fast as she’d turned around, shaking with adrenaline she saw the four robbers blocking the door. One had a bag which they were menacing folks with for valuables, another was running into the back gun trained on the poor teller to get to the safe.

She’d felt Catra press against her side, leaning in to whisper, “It’s a’right. It’s a’right, just give em what he wants. We’re alright.”

The large man who had shouted earlier, trained his shotgun on them. “No need to be so cozy ladies.”

Catra, for all that she’d seemed calm a moment before suddenly snarled and moved in front of her. “No need to be so stupid mister. We’re cooperatin’.”

Ice had run through Glimmer’s veins when the muzzle of the gun came towards them. It was like the world became unreal. The light too golden and bright. The sounds distant but loud. She was floating an inch off the ground, her arms held up by a million invisible strings as Catra did what she did best. 

Being a brave fool.

“Are you serious?” The man cackled, cocking the gun and holding it to his shoulder. The muzzle moving to point directly at Glimmer’s face. “Move aside love bird, I think that fat little bitch got jus’ what I need.”

It happened so fast.

Catra, whose hands had been tucked into her belt, dashed forward and knocked the shotgun up towards the ceiling. There was a horrendous bang as plaster rained down on them, the man screaming before he gurgled. The blood spray went further than Glimmer thought it could when Catra pulled her knife out of his neck. There was a second weaker spray as he collapsed. Glimmer was still staring when she realized everyone was shouting. People were fleeing the bank, the other two cronies had turned to face their attacker but Catra had pulled the empty shotgun from his hands and used it to club one of the women dropping her like a sack of potatoes. The other woman dropped her gun and put her hands up when Catra had turned to face her.

She laughed nervously as she dropped to her knees, “H-hey, no, no worries boss! I’m, uh, I’m done!”

Catra stalked forwards and snatched her abandoned gun up off the floor, quickly checking how many shots she had.

“WHAT THE-” The last member of the crew had just come out in time to have Catra fire the discarded revolver at him. The man dove aside, crashing into the counter as he tried to return the favor only to run as Catra fired another round. He didn’t run to leave, oh no, that would have been better Glimmer thought. If he’d run, he probably would of made it, and the rest of the awful experience would have been over and done long before it’d even begun.

No. He ran to her, and Glimmer could only remember in a haze every time her mother had warned her that as a wealthy heir she could be kidnapped at any time. It had seemed so ridiculous, but as he came at her Glimmer wished more fervently that she’d take some sort of lessons in shooting or fighting or whatever the hell would’ve helped her there. 

He went down hard when Catra tackled him, the two slamming into the teller windows before falling to the dusty floor. There was a scuffle as they fought, and the man managed to over power Catra. Landing several punches to her face and arms.

She had to do something, that was  _ Catra _ he was trying to kill! Glimmer had looked around for anything she could hit him with when she saw it. His pistol dropped when Catra had jumped him. She could get it. Right as she started to move, there was a split second where the man had looked up at her and they made eye contact. Then his gaze flicked down and Glimmer scrambled to grab the gun before him. She scooped it up and with shaking hands backed away with it pointed at the man. He chuckled, still having to hold Catra down as he spoke.

“Now, now, don’t look like you know how to shoot that. Don’t want to hit your friend here right? Now here’s what-”

With the man distracted, and Glimmer covering, Catra had stabbed him in his side. He howled as he collapsed and Glimmer froze up when she saw the unhinged look in her friend’s eyes. Like she had enjoyed sinking her blade into him. Like this was the best thing she’d ever done.

Catra was panting as she got up, gulping for air before bellowing, “Anyone else wanna try it!? ...No?”

The woman who surrendered shook her head, hands going further up in the air as if to show she was done. The few people left in the bank were dead silent, as afraid of her as they’d been the would be robbers. And Glimmer herself lowered the pistol, her arms feeling almost leadened as if she’d been holding it up for hours instead of a few minutes. She let it drop from numb fingers and had so foolishly thought to herself,  _ Thank the good Lord this is over. We can leave and just go home! _

“Good. Now, you,” Catra viciously stomped the man groaning on the floor before continuing, “That weren’t a very nice thing you just did tryin’ to kidnap a lady. I don’t appreciate it. Not one bit.”

When he said nothing, Catra kicked him again. “You hear me boy!?”

“Yesmmm, I-ha-I hear you! I swear I hear you!”

Catra smiled, an awful oily thing. She swiped at the blood rolling down her chin, her split lip pulling painfully before squatting down. “Then you know what you gotta do, hmm? ... What do you do when you  **fuck up** .”

“Catra-” Glimmer started, only to stop again at the glare she got. Not because it was so cruel, but because it was so damn familiar even though she’d never seen it.  _ Was this her? Always existing just under the surface? _ Hundreds of flashes over the years of moments when Catra had just barely kept her temper. Shaking her hands out after gripping her belt too hard and eyes flashing dangerously at those who’d made any unasked for advances at Glimmer.

Faintly she remembered her mother, back when they’d only known Catra a few months, telling her not to get her hopes up too high over Miss D’riluth.  _ “You haven’t seen the reports Glimmer, unless she finds a reason to change I don’t believe she’ll be with us long.” _ Glimmer had been furious, assuming her mother was threatening to fire Catra. Now she could see it. Her mother warning her not to get attached to someone who was insisting on drowning themselves in two inches of water. She should have read those reports.  _ What the hell was in those reports? _

Catra pulled a fist full of the man’s hair as she yanked his bandanna down, painfully craning his neck to look at her. “When you done gone and fucked up, you apologize. Now apologize to this nice young lady.”

As soon as she let go, the man nodded furiously, shuffling awkwardly with a hand still pressed to his side to get up when Catra kicked him in the head. Already off balance, he twisted hard and the crack as his skull hit the floor made Glimmer jump.

“You know,” Catra said, her voice as eerily light and easy as her grin, “call me old fashioned, but I do believe that when someone is  **groveling for forgiveness** ...it’s best done on hands and knees.”

Glimmer didn’t think she’d ever forget the way that man looked up at her from the floor. Eyes hazy, blood sluggishly pouring out his nose, and a trail of spit connecting his lips to the floor. The way the sunlight glinted off his sweaty face as he struggled onto hands and knees before looking up and into her eyes. It made her stomach turn.

“I,” he croaked, coughed, and tried again, “Miss, I am awful sorry for my, uh, for my behavior. I am, I am very sorry ma’am. P-please forgive me miss. Please.”

Glimmer stared at him for a moment before shakily responding, “I accept your apology.”

Not because she did. Not for him. Not to make him feel better. But because for the first time in her life she was terrified of Catra. Because she didn’t know what the other woman would do if she refused it. Catra who had always been mean but safe, who had become a near monster in the mid morning light.

“Good boy!” Catra cheered before roughly shoving him back to the ground. “Now why don’t you just sit a spell and wait for the law hmm? Ain’t no need to cause more trouble is there son?”

“No, no ma’am.” He wheezed, not even trying to lift himself up again. Simply curling around his injury.

“Too right.” Catra chuckled before spitting on him. She slowly stood up and turned, extending her arm out for Glimmer to take. “Let’s get you home.”

Numbly Glimmer looped their arms together her gaze catching one last time of the unmoving body of the behemoth of a man who had threatened her first. The pool of blood he lay in, face down, bandanna still obscuring his identity. His sightless eyes seemed to follow her as Catra walked them both outside. 

The scrawny woman who’d surrendered quickly threw herself onto her stomach, hands stretched above her head as Catra got close. Glimmer watched her step to avoid her hands before exiting into the light. 

Already there was a buzz of people outside.

She didn’t see her friends, and as if her thoughts had summoned them Adora and Bow rounded the corner, with a rifle and hunting bow respectively. But it was Adora who moved towards them first, “Glimmer-Jesus H. Christ Catra what the hell happened to you?”

“Nothin’ much.” Catra chuckled, “Suppose you two are about to see the other guys anyhow. Now, if you’ll excuse us. Miss Moon needs to go home. She’s fine, just a little stunned.”

Was she stunned? Glimmer waited to feel something and when the void almost swallowed her whole decided perhaps she was.  _ She killed him. _ Glimmer looked up at Catra’s swelling face as the thought played over and over in her head. How was she acting so damn normal after having killed a man? After what she’d done to the rest? Like it was...normal to her.

Bow’s arms gently circled her shoulders, jerking her out of her thoughts. He sniffled but wasn’t crying.

“I’m alright Bow.” She was pretty sure she sounded confident. Glimmer smiled at her two friends. “I’m alright.”

Adora’s gaze was piercing but she still nodded before pulling Bow into the bank. Even as she was led away Glimmer couldn’t help but wonder what the two of them would make of it. 

Every step away brought her back to the ground. To soil and earth and reality. Until she was no longer a mess of warring emotions. Like she’d woken up from a nightmare, Glimmer tried to process what had happened. As with most things she didn’t know, this one started with a single inferno of an emotion coming to the front.

What a damnably foolish thing to have done! 

Catra hadn’t needed to do that, she hadn’t needed to put herself in danger, and she certainly hadn’t needed to kill a man! Glimmer would have happily handed over what little jewelry she was wearing, and she would have happily told her mother their local funds had been stolen. Instead she’d just frozen up like a child as Catra had gone batty as a bell tower. Glimmer was furious. Angry with herself for freezing up at the start and angry with Catra for her reckless violence. Angry with the dead man and angry with the woman who’d surrendered so quickly. Angry that Adora and Bow couldn’t have come quicker than that. Angry that no one else had tried to help at all.

“You okay?” Catra asked, and she sounded so genuinely concerned that Glimmer wanted to punch her.  _ How dare she ask after all that? _

She yanked her arm free, stopping them on the dirt road back to her house, only half a mind available to be grateful for the relative solitude. “No! No I am not okay Catra D’riluth! What the hell was that!?”

Catra seemed confused and surprised, and that just made her madder. “What are you-”

“God save your soul, you didn’t need to do that! You didn’t need to hurt no one like that, and-and- you killed that man and now, what, it’s okay to kill people now?! How are you acting like this ain’t some big deal when you just-” Glimmer whirled to motion back towards town, her breathing coming far too quickly and her heart pounding away. “I don’t even know who you were in there but it weren’t you!”

“It weren’t half as dangerous as some of the shit I used to get up to! I had it under control, and I wasn’t about to let them get away with it.” Catra had clearly tried to aim for a soft tone, but had failed miserably as it grated and escalated. Her jaw going tense, hands curling into fists. Well look at that, she was finally starting to look mad herself.

_ Good. _

“No, you can’t just hand wave this away. There ain’t no explanation you can give that’ll make what you just did even vaguely okay!”

“Well excuse me for not wanting you to get hurt!”

“I will not pardon you!” Glimmer stomped her foot, throwing her hands out wide. “I will not excuse you from overreacting and killing a man dead!”

“I weren’t over reacting he was going to KILL you!”

“He was **tryin’** ta scare us!”

“Well it worked!” Catra screamed, they both froze as she began panting for breath. Eyes wild and watering as she finally put some cards down on the table. “You ain’t the only one who cares you know! I care! Is that what you wanted to hear? I care about you alright! I think I lo-and he-I couldn’t-if-”

Catra’s mouth clicked shut as she began to pace, agitated. Hands clenched tight around her upper arms in a half hug as she tried to figure out how to explain herself.

It was in that moment that Glimmer found clarity through the storm. In all the years she’d known Catra, the other woman had never once been good with her words. Half threatening and shouting, and generally vulgar when Glimmer did something foolish. But while she’d held to her promise to be better, Catra could still be mean. Hands always soft and warm, eyes always wild and wide, the way she’d loosen like an old coil when she realized Glimmer was safe. The way she’d developed a staring habit. She’d been trying to show how much she cared by being there. By showing up and shutting up. Catra had started to hold doors open and was always ready to help her up or down from a single small step to getting on her horse. Glimmer had taken their new found flirting to be more friendly than anything when Catra hadn’t done a thing more after that fateful day in the canyon. Assuming that her strange new habits of arriving early and leaving late were because of the job and not because Glimmer was there. Assuming her now growing collection of geodes and feathers was something small when clearly Catra’s gifts weren’t small at all.

Glimmer mumbled, dumbly saying the first thought that came to mind as the pieces suddenly snapped together, “That’s why you’re scared of my mother. I get it now.”

Catra laughed, not a happy laugh by any stretch, before turning to face her. Hunched in as she asked, “What?”

“I said…” Glimmer paused, changing her mind at the last moment. Catra D’riluth could be more skittish then a rabbit in a field when confronted directly. Accusing her point blank of being in love, well, that was sure to send her running out of town faster than fast could be. 

And Glimmer didn’t want that.

“I said, well, I said I understand but you can’t just...go off. Catra, you  _ scared me _ in there.” Glimmer made sure to keep eye contact as she started shaking again. With the anger cut off that deep fear had come back. “ **You** scared me more than they did.”

Two tone eyes went wide, her mouth dropping open but no sound came out before a single weak, “I didn’t mean to.”

“That don’t make it right.”

“I…”

There was a long pause where neither spoke, both of them just trembling away under the heat of the sun. 

Catra slowly began to close the distance, stopping just a few feet short before going to one knee. It was like Glimmer was still trapped in the bank again, staring down at that man’s face. She felt like she could vomit right there and then, everything screaming how wrong this was. She didn’t remember moving but she did remember standing with Catra in her arms as she cried.

“Don’t! Don’t do that! Don’t do that!”

“I’m sorry,” Catra whispered into her hair, voice straining as more and more tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

That’s how they were still standing when her mother found them. Catra tried to disengage, her knees shaking so bad that Glimmer could feel them against her legs. She wasn’t ready to give up the only support keeping her upright, so Glimmer kept her grip tight on Catra’s hand, twisting to face her mother who looked panicked by the tablou. 

It was a halting explanation as they made their way home, neither sure what to say.

As they talked, her mother gently wiped the dust and small amount of blood off of her face. No, she didn’t think she’d ever forget the look in her mother’s eyes as she’d cleaned off the blood.

“It’s a good thing Catra was there,” Glimmer tacks on at the very end of the story, already sitting heavily on the settee and feeling exhausted. “...she saved me.”

_ Is that a lie, I don’t know. Didn’t she? _

Catra, face washed and cleaned, stared at her like a deer dazzled by a flash of light.

Within minutes of that she’d been drooping low. Between the adrenaline dip and the emotional exhaustion, Glimmer had felt ready to sleep for years. She’d barely been tracking as she had gone upstairs, stripping her clothes down to her nightgown and all but collapsing into bed. Now on the other end of several sleepless hours, and with the sun having long since set, Glimmer still couldn’t sleep. She had reflexively faked it when her mother had come to check on her at supper time, and once more when she’d come before going to sleep herself.

Everything was just tied up so badly in her she didn’t know what to do.  _ Catra killed a man and she loves me. _ Glimmer rolled onto her side and looked out her window to the endless expanse of stars.  _ She killed a man and I love her. I still love her? How can I still love her? _

How was it she was just as hamstrung by the idea that perhaps their ever deepening relationship could actually go somewhere beyond her dreams as she had been while being held up in the damn bank? A few tears pricked at her eyes as she finally sat up. Glimmer stayed there until she noticed her own smell too much and then she had to stifle her horribly inappropriate laughter. What a time to be concerned about body odor! Still, if she couldn’t sleep the least she could do was actually wash up properly. 

Despite the chill in the air, Glimmer was not about to risk warming any water with the kettle. She quickly sponged the most important spots, eyes averted from the small mirror over her basin. When finished she fumbled around in the dark to get her toothbrush and her tin of tooth powder opened. The gritty feel of the powder turning into paste never failed to disappoint, but she tried to focus more on the minty flavor. At least that was still a delight after all these years. She’d barely gargled some water to get the whole affair finished before there was a light knocking at her door. Her mother was sound asleep, and even if she wasn’t, Angella Brightmoon did not believe in knocking.

_ Did...did Catra not go home? _ Glimmer wouldn’t blame her. Company housing was on the other side of town, and her mother had surely offered.

“Glimmer? You awake?” Catra whisper shouted.

Glimmer only paused a moment before opening the door and letting her in. Propriety be damned, she’d had a hell of a day and deserved to do whatever she so pleased!

Catra shuffled in and when Glimmer got a good look at her she snorted, hands coming up to stop her giggling to no avail.

Catra’s face was a complete mess, and so swollen that her scowling really made no difference. It was the borrowed chemise which reached her mother’s ankles hanging so awkwardly off Catra’s much shorter frame that did it. The whole thing was rolled up at the bottom and tied part way up her thighs to keep her from tripping on it. 

“L-like a lil child!” Glimmer wheezed.

“An’ here I was coming to see if you was alright.” Catra groused but her one visible eye held nothing but relief. “I see how it is.”

Even though she was the one laughing, Glimmer shushed Catra as best she could. Almost rushing to grab her arm when she made a big show of turning to leave.  _ She killed-hush yourself! _ She was tired and lonely and still a little scared, and she just wanted Catra for a little bit.  _ What does that make me? _

Catra was easy to tug, willing to go with her over to the bed even if her face goes bright red. By the time they’re both sitting Glimmer’s managed to stop her giggles, it was so unfortunate she couldn’t figure out what to say.

Eventually, with Glimmer alternating between playing with her fingers and opening her mouth without anything coming out, Catra was the one who broke the silence. “I did mean it. Are you alright?”

_ “It’s a’right, we’re a’right.” _ It played in her mind as Glimmer frowned. Slowly she shook her head.

“Okay, that, yeah.” Catra sighed, looking down at their hands again. “...is it me?”

Glimmer wanted nothing more than to deny that. That it wasn’t Catra, it was never Catra, that  **thing** in the bank was not her Catra. But damn if that weren’t a lie. “You scared me.”

Catra winced, but seemed resigned. “I can leave.”

“Please don’t.” Glimmer begged, the idea of being alone again was God awful. She looked up and prayed that the tears in her eyes wouldn’t be seen in the dark as unlikely as it was. Based on the blank look she could see it didn’t matter much. She gripped Catra’s hand tighter. “Are you, are you there?”

Catra’s head tilted as she squinted in confusion. “Yeah?”

“Oh thank the Lord,” Glimmer mumbled, she hadn’t forgotten that episode in the canyon either. The idea of Catra disappearing for the second time in the day was too much to handle. “You listen to me right now. You...you scared me but I don’t want ya to leave. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not...not ever, you understand me?”

When Catra just stared like she’d never spoken a lick of English in her life, Glimmer tried again. “You know that I care about you right? This, this was- ha, this was a lot today. A lot.”

In the pause where she tried to figure out how to properly express herself Catra squeezed her hands. “Yeah, suppose it was.”

This wasn’t how she pictured trying to explain she was in love. Hell this wasn’t how she’d pictured a damn thing in her life. Was this how she wanted to handle this? A declaration of love after a rebuke and fear? No. Glimmer looked carefully at their joined hands, pressed into the warmth of the quilt on her bed. This wasn’t the right time. Not to say those words, not to ask about it, not to follow that line at all. She deserved better- Catra deserved better! As much as Glimmer hated to think it, it weren’t right. Not yet. Not here.Not when their edges were so frayed. Not when they were going to have to learn who each other were again. 

The idea sat wrong, and Glimmer bit at her lip. Why? Why? Because...because...When Glimmer looked up again she realized that she didn’t really know Catra at all. Sure she knew who Catra was here. But before she’d found Catra half dead from alcohol poisoning out on the mesa, she’d never talked about that. What did Glimmer even really know? She kept reasoning that Catra wasn’t one way and something kept coming up to prove otherwise. Four years into their friendship and Glimmer finally realized that Catra was still a near stranger.

She could fix that. Glimmer could fix that. Into the too long silence she finally took a step she needed to, had needed to for a while.

“What did you use to do?”

“What?” Catra looked nervous, spooked.

“You said today weren’t half as dangerous as what you used to do. I know you didn’t mean brakeman.” When there wasn’t an answer Glimmer hastened to explain. “I just, I realized I don't know that much about you and we’ve been thick as thieves for years now. It’s been awful rude of me to not ask after you ‘t all.”

Catra doesn’t answer though. Instead her breathing goes fast and she tugs at her hair painfully hard, she’s starting to cry even though it’s obvious she was trying not to.

Glimmer wrapped her up in a hug. “Hey, you don’t have to do nothing you don’t want to!”

Catra swallowed thickly, having a few false starts before saying, “Thank you. I, uh, I will. I’ll tell you someday. I swear it, but I just, I can’t. Not right now. Ya understand?”

“Alright. That’s alright. How about this? Just...tell me about yourself?”

Catra laughed, trying to sit up and get out of the hug. 

_ Confound it all woman!  _ Glimmer just held on tighter.

Catra’s resigned when she asks, “What’s there to know?”

“Plenty, you ain’t some mysterious stranger no more. You’re my friend. Is it so bad that I want to know you more?” Oh this is a dangerous game to play. They are nearly naked, alone and unsupervised in Glimmer’s room. And she’s making half a pass at this woman.

“...maybe. Maybe not. Sure I can’t dissuade you?”

With Glimmer’s glare cutting through the darkness, Catra starts talking. And Glimmer listened. She listened close as she could and soaked up each new fact with relish. Catra is an orphan, had no siblings, but she found a family. Then things went sour and she left. She likes the heat, she enjoys feeling the sun on her face. She doesn’t like snow one bit. Catra less moved and more ran away from her problems. It goes on and on. Turning into rambles about anything she can apparently think of. She likes the color red the most. She enjoys drinking but doesn’t actually like getting drunk. Catra has an undeniable soft spot for small animals. She likes smoking, but doesn’t since Angella doesn’t like it. She tried chew but it tasted like ‘sad old miner shoes’.

And as she talks, Glimmer also understand something else too. Catra seems almost desperate to talk, like every little thing has been building up for four whole years and waiting to explode. She doesn’t like asking for help and looking weak or foolish. But here she is. Telling Glimmer just because she’d asked. Catra might be heart shy, but it don’t mean she’s stone. 

It hits like a train coming off the tracks. It’s not that she’s been a bad friend, but Glimmer also hadn’t given nearly as much back as she’d thought. Waiting endlessly for the confident seemingly mysterious woman to make a move or take a chance. Catra was never going to take that chance. How many times had they missed an opportunity because Glimmer thought she should be wooed and Catra thought she had no right to try?

Yes, Catra killed a man today, and Glimmer doesn’t know what to do with that yet. But she does know that she loves her. Watching Catra’s grin in the moonlight was a balm she hadn’t known she’d needed. Oh yes, Glimmer knew she loved her regardless. And she’d almost lost the chance to try today. She’d almost been shot and Catra had nearly had her skull beaten in.  _ I have to try. Lord help me, I need to at least try. _

Now she just needed a way to make the first move.

“Hey.”

Catra stops almost immediately, shrinking a little as if afraid she’s said too much.

“Can you teach me to fight? Like, hold a gun and such?” Glimmer huffs. “Oh that came out sounding all wrong. You know what I mean! If anything happens I don’t want to feel so...helpless…”

“I ain’t gonna go easy on ya just because yer pretty. You know that right?”

“Why Miss D’riluth, you think I’m pretty?” Glimmer batted her eyes, trying her hardest to act like the most spoiled awful socialite she could think of. “Well heaven’s to Betsy, what will we ever do? I suppose we could have a winter wedding, but I hear that’s bad luck.”

Catra groaned, shoving at her to emphasize herself. “I do not! Now stop that!”

“Oh! I’ve been spurred by my beloved!” Glimmer fake wailed, draping herself over the mattress.

Catra was snickering, and doing her damndest to keep up. “Beloved!? Woman, I don’t even like you!”

“Oh woe! Oh woe is me! My tender lil’ heart is just broken in twine. Twain? Twine? Twain. Broken in twain! But I suppose I’ll live if she teaches me how to shoot a gun.”

“I’m gonna regret this aren’t I?”

Glimmer paused for a moment, trying to picture which kind of weapon would feel best in her hands without ever having touched them. Eventually the image of many a trick rider came to mind. People riding side saddle, standing up right, and shooting beautiful looking rifles at incredibly small targets. “I want to shoot a rifle.”

“Oh yeah, I already regret this. I will teach you, but we start with a pistol you hear?”

“Mmm-hmm, a pistol then a rifle.”   
  
“No, a pistol then a heavier caliber revolver.”

Knowing full well she’ll be denied, Glimmer cheerfully adds, “And then a shotgun.”

The idea alone fills her with a sense of calm. This won’t ever happen again because Glimmer will be the one toting a gun. She won’t use it, but it’ll deter even the most vile of gangsters if they’re target isn’t easy pickings. And if it’s a grand excuse to have Catra close, well that’s just a bonus. 

And if that’s just an excuse for Glimmer to figure out how to get this woman to say three little words, well, that’s the damn plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who skipped, as you have probably pieced together there was a bank robbery where Catra reacted /very/ poorly to Glimmer's life being threatened during and she let loose on all that anger that's been building in her. She takes the robbers out (why hello Kyle 2 and her lizard girlfriend making a cameo) after killing the man who threatened Glimmer (Tung Lashor you fool of a man). Glimmer dissociates basically the whole time before saving Catra's life by grabbing a gun. They both leave afterwards.
> 
> Alternate Chapter Titles:
> 
> I wouldn't say 'stab' when I stab someone with the knife!
> 
> Stick Ups and Buttercups
> 
> Glimmer Get Your Gun
> 
> Up Next: Catra is running unusually late which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't midnight, moonless, and generally a bad time to get injured. After five years of mutual pining someone will finally make a move!


	6. Home, Home on the Range

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Catra doesn't come home on time, Glimmer may get a might bit nervous about her. And rightfully so!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where Catra gets a concussion and somehow still made it to Glimmer's house.

After living under her mother’s roof for 24 years Glimmer had fully expected living on her own to be exciting. She’d pictured being able to do whatever she wanted, however she wanted. She’d thought, once, what in the world she would do if her roof collapsed (the answer to that one had been go to Bow and beg for help). She’d imagined warm summer days fanning herself on the porch and cold winter nights in front of the stove. She envisioned decorations and room layout, and even the location the house would be in. Despite not having a home nor, for most of her life, a desire to live alone it had all been idle fancy.

Never in all her daydreaming had Glimmer once considered re-arranging her house so she could pace nervously in circles in comfort.

When she’d first purchased the old house, it had been a wreck. Sold at auction cheap after being abandoned for several years. Adora had stared at her in dismay when they’d arrived to see the property. The house itself looked decent on the outside, but inside was a lot of woodwork in need of repair and cleaning to be done. There was a small fenced area in the back with a dilapidated barn and rusted buckets all over. Glimmer had never felt more proud in her _ life _.

Adora snorted with one brow smugly raised, “You, you actually bought this?”

“Hush,” Glimmer chirped, far too wrapped up in visions of what her home would look like eventually to sneer anything back. “I needed a change any hows.”

Adora’s grin faltered, before she turned back to the house with a frown. “Suppose.”

Adora had been by the day after the robbery, determined and wanting to help if there was any way to do it. Adora had been almost overly pleasant in her attempts too, until Catra had stumbled down stairs. The two had looked at one another before Catra grunted a single hello and limped to the nearest chair. Before they’d seemed friendly, friendly enough that first year that Glimmer sometimes wondered what they had done alone. She understood though. Seeing that sort of awful bloody mess and gathering witness accounts, she understood if Adora was cautious around their friend.

So Adora had kept coming by to check in on her, as often as her new Deputy duties would allow.

It went from sweet to smothering quicker than Glimmer had expected. While Catra was recovering in their home, Adora arrived to walk Glimmer to and from work, the general store, the barber for goodness sake. She’d taken to following Glimmer during rides, and when she couldn’t often Glimmer would simply turn around to find her other friend far less subtly following.

_ “Beauregard Archer you come out this instant!” _

_ “Heeeeeeeeeello Glimmer, fancy running into you out here!” _

By itself it could have been tolerable, at least for a little longer. The three of them had long since fine tuned how far to take their overly protective streaks before a fight broke out. But it had been coupled with her mother’s hovering and Catra’s probing questions, which had already made Glimmer twitchy for freedom.

And that didn’t even include the letters that had poured in!

_ To My Most Stalwart of Friends, _

_ Adora wrote and explained what happened, how awful that must have been! I can not imagine the bravery you found to assist in stopping a robbery. Do write and let me know who your shooting instructor is, perhaps I can convince mother and father to finally allow me a speck of freedom. _

_ Yours Expectantly, _

_ Frosta _

  
  


_ My Dearest Glimmer, _

_ I spoke with Frosta Mackenzie at the Plumerian Harvest Dance, which I was rather worried when you did not attend, and have just heard of your ordeal. It is a terrible thing that drives people to such violent and desperate acts. I have the earth and her kindness for your safety during your ordeal. Even as I write I can hear the band striking in to one of your favorites and I can feel myself nearly faint with the thrill of it! If there is anything I can do for you, you need only request and I shall make my way to you post haste! _

_ If I do not hear from you before, I shall endeavor to seek you out at Mermista’s dance in the spring. Stay safe and stay strong. _

_ With Love and Harmony Bestowed Upon You, _

_ Perfuma_

It was sweet of Adora to have written to so many (although Glimmer had noted she had chosen those known best for their gossip and connections). 

Glimmer was about ready to drown the girl.

Adora had, in her most memorable attempt, scared both her and Catra witless by jumping over the little ridge her mother’s home was nestled next to, with her gun already drawn. Glimmer and Catra had stared at her and Adora stared back in confusion as Swift Wind nickered and began searching for apples. Apparently there had been reports of gunshots heard by the towns folks and she had come afraid of the worst. Instead, she found Glimmer poorly aiming a pistol and a very exasperated Catra trying to correct her form with one eye still squinted from the bruising instead of something much worse. Glimmer had been mortified by the whole affair and tried to end the lesson right then. Catra had thrown a fit, which Adora had felt compelled to match, and the two had ended up working together to get her shooting at the general target before Adora suggested they take it outta town to spare her heart and soul. Though Glimmer suspected it was more to prevent an accidental shooting than anything else.

So out they’d gone, searching for a safe location still nearby enough to not make it a hassle. For a while they’d used a little stretch of mesa a bit too close, then they’d gone into the juniper and spruce a bit too far, and finally Glimmer had seen the old abandoned house. It was a good two and a half miles from town, a hefty enough walking distance but not too bad by horse. After shooting there for a few days Glimmer had started dreaming of doing something different at that little house. 

_ Her and Catra waking up in that quaint little house together. _

_ Catra making coffee and complaining that it was awful. _

_ The two of them on the porch. In the garden. Tending the horses. Anywhere. _

_ Just the two of them. _

And dreaming lead to planning.

Despite what people seemed to think, Glimmer had been working for BMR since she was fourteen. At first she’d done it disguised as a boy, best she could. Then one day her mother had come through the station during a walkabout, and Glimmer had only been spared the indignity of being dragged by her ear because her mother didn’t want to get the town talking. But after that she’d started assisting her mother without the disguise and far from the trains. Numbers and ledgers and logistics, and all sorts of hooey that Glimmer had no interest in. But for every task she did she was paid, and Glimmer was no fool with money. 

So she’d looked into that little house and when she was lacking, Glimmer had gone to her mother for a loan. Proving viability had been one thing, Angella Moon could see exactly when the money would be repaid and understood the sound logistics of Glimmer’s plan. The loan was approved and used successfully to put her bid in. 

Getting her mother to let her leave their house so soon after a brush with death had been the tricky part. Especially when it got to the part where they started yelling and fighting.

“And just what will you do when people start learning that Glimmer Moon is living isolated and alone?” Angella had shouted.

Tears in her eyes Glimmer had howled back, “Well it’s a good thing I know how to shoot a gun now isn’t it? I can make ‘em feel right at home!”

“Glimmer!”

Just thinking about Glimmer living far away apparently made Angella’s skin crawl. Ironically it was her mother’s complaining to Catra that had apparently started to wear down Angella’s indomitable will. Stuck day in and day out together, and with both on opposite sides of the argument, they apparently had talked it through. And by ‘talk it through’, Glimmer was sure Catra had meant bickered incessantly. She’d seen just one short example, and had nearly died of laughter.

_ “Surely you understand why that would make a mother uncomfortable?” Angella’s voice was perfectly pleasant, as if discussing the weather. _

_ “Couldn’t say ma’am, ain’t never had one to know.” Catra had sounded normal herself, but as Glimmer snuck around the corner she’d seen the woman tense and more nervous looking than a foal on ice. “But I do know the more you try t’ crack down the more yer gonna find you’ve pushed her away.” _

_ Angella finished some notations with a fine rubber stamp before continuing, “A balance is what’s important here, I am not looking to live my daughter’s life.” _

_ “Says you, begging your pardon ma’am. I think Glimmer should have a say in her life.” Catra flipped the page in her book a little more forcefully than needed. _

Glimmer had nearly tottled away desperate to not shriek right there and give up the game. She never tire of someone taking another’s poor arguments out at the knees, and seeing her mother’s shocked frown was a thing of beauty. 

Of course it had given her some ideas of her own. 

As she traveled out with Adora and Bow, and sometimes Catra despite her complaints, to fix the house up she’d thought of arguments. Trying to play on the foundations Catra was laying out and had been gratified to see it through. Not that her mother approved, but that she understood and was willing to capitulate meant a lot. 

Of course that good will had only lasted until the arguments started shifting to _ when _ Glimmer would be allowed to move.

_ “You will wait until the spring Glimmer, what would you do in that old shack if you get cut off from town? It won’t be fully renovated and fixed for at least three years by your estimation and the winter is no time for contracted work.” Her mother had proclaimed over dinner one night. _

Eventually that argument failed, mostly because Glimmer had packed her bags in secret and ran away with the somewhat reluctant help of her two best friends. Angella had only sighed when Glimmer arrived for work, but she was certain she’d seen her mother smile. Work had only been awkward as she sat between an insufferably smug Catra and her overly formal mother to prevent a brawl the next day, but it had been worth it!

Now, fixed up nicely, her house had become a home. Nothing quite going to plan but everything falling well enough into place. Well, almost into place until tonight.

Glimmer grunted as she pushed the settee further over, she needed a bigger circuit to pace damn it all!

Catra had started coming by after the move on the daily, picking her up and dropping her off with regularity for both work and shooting practice. No amount of Adora pouting about how she’d done nearly the same and not gotten a single thank you changed Glimmer’s infatuation with what it could mean. It had gotten to the point that Glimmer kept a few things around just for her. A change of clothes, spare toiletries, her favorite tobacco, tin of coffee; small things over all for a woman who often ended up spending the night if it got too late. Something that Glimmer often tried to make happen, and something that Catra seemed happy to oblige her with.

And some of those dreams had come right on through beautifully. Glimmer had watched with a soft smile in the mornings as Catra had carefully set up her shaving kit, grumbling the whole way about how it was too damn expensive to get professionally. She’d managed to watch a few times through her fingers as Catra carefully but quickly took care of the hair she didn’t want to keep around.

_ “I don’t know, I think you’d look right handsome with a beard.” Glimmer mused, yelping when Catra flicked her to get her attention. _

_ “And hide this beautiful face?” Catra asked even as a glob of soap began a slow but steady descent down her throat from the half still covered in it. “It would be a _ ** _sin_ ** _ Miss, and I ain’t that kind of gal!” _

Morning coffee had turned out better than she’d imagined, and Glimmer really couldn’t complain about that much when instead of adorable grumbling she was treated to Catra working in the kitchen. Giving Tao his cool down brushing and making sure the horses couldn’t reach the last few apples from the lone crab apple tree twisting up by the barn, to feeding the stove with kindling Catra had helped with. It was a dream come true.

So today, she hadn’t been worried one bit when Catra had needed to talk with Ms. Turron about something or another so they’d parted ways for the afternoon. After all, they both knew Catra would ride to her house for supper if nothing else. Her possessions still locked in the company trunk more as a vague nod to polite society and proper conduct than anything else. So Glimmer did her chores and got to cooking.

Well supper had sat for a good hour before Glimmer hadn’t been able to sit still any longer. Winter had made the whole town cold, but out here it could get downright freezing. I was something she was typically grateful for as it meant far fewer insects to bother as she worked. Now, waiting for Catra is just felt brutal. She’d gone to sit on the porch, bundled up in her winter coat and scarf until she couldn’t feel her finger tips. The stove cranked out a most delightful heat while Glimmer had huffed about Catra’s inability to be on time if she weren’t being paid, and in a little fit of pique she’d heated up water to take a bath. If she was doomed to wait she was going to do it in comfort, not like Catra didn’t have a key!

When she’d woken up from napping in the now cool tub Glimmer realized how late it was. A quick look around was enough to show that Catra still hadn’t made it despite how dark it was.

Hence all the pacing, and rearranging to better fit said pacing. 

It was late and cold enough to make searching for her a dangerous proposition. With no true trail having been fully cut and maintained, Catra’s path wouldn’t be easy to guess at. It wouldn’t due for her to arrive only for Glimmer to be the one lost and turned around. That was a quick way to get yourself killed from exposure, and it would be with the horrible facts of having died within a few miles of home **and** proving her mother right.

_ I could use a rope? Leave a trail to follow back! _

It wasn’t a good idea but it was at least a plan. Glimmer pulled her winter clothes back on before going outside and grabbing her rope. All ten feet of it before realizing just how dumb of a plan it was. “Okay, okay, get your pack, lantern, and a knife. Mark the trees.”

She’d just finished getting her hiking pack finished and secured on her back when something slammed into her front door. Glimmer jumped, staring for a moment before rushing to open it. A body collapsed in towards her, and Glimmer caught Catra before she could hit the ground even if it still sent them both sprawling to the ground. She pulled her inside and shut the door, scrambling to keep the heat inside where her friend needed it most. Catra herself just groaned on the floor, eyes closed tight as she tried and failed to roll over.

“The hell did you do?” Glimmer gasped. There was some awful looking bruising under her right eye but otherwise she looked alright. Her first assumption was that Catra was drunk, but no. No, she hated that. “Catra?”

“What?” Catra croaked, eyes cracking open before slamming shut again with a hiss. “Huh?” 

Glimmer looked around as if that would answer anything and spoke slower. “What happened to you?”

“Fuckin’ hell,” Catra moaned as Glimmer pulled her upright. She swayed dangerously and almost collapsed, eyes unfocused and face blank as tilted forward to clutch her head with her left hand.

Glimmer waited until she was certain Catra would stay upright before pulling her pack off, shrugging out of her coat and mitts as well. “Catra?”

“Mmmm...where’s Tao?” She asked through clenched teeth, but after blinking a few times seemed to almost focus on Glimmer’s face. “How’d I get here?”

If she had been anxious before, Glimmer was sure she was discovering new ways to feel it. “I’m trying to figure that out.”

Catra’s right arm was pulled up towards her chest protectively, but Glimmer couldn’t see an obvious injury or blood there. “Oh...yeah, Tao threw me.”

Glimmer froze before rushing back over and checking for broken bones. “Jesus! Ah, okay! What hurts? What’s wrong?”

Catra chuckled, then hissed as she reached to cradle her bruised cheek. “Head. Arm. leg…. Uhm, wait...Tao threw me?”

“You mentioned,” Glimmer gently ran her fingers along Catra’s right arm, noting that it only seemed to be her forearm as Catra had reflexively tried to pull it away as soon as Glimmer touched it. Her assessment on the right leg lead her to believe it was more Catra’s ankle than anything. _ Lord in heaven do not let it be broken! _

“Oh, that’s good.” Catra nodded only to stop and breathe far deeper than she had been. After a moment she added, “Threw up on th’ way here.”

_ Probably hit her damn head! _

“I bet. Let’s get you on the couch, floor ain’t no place for you.” Glimmer moved to her left side and pulled them both up. She winced in sympathy as Catra whimpered, trailing off into a whine as they stumbled along. Between her limp and listing to one side, it was a miracle that Glimmer kept them upright. Once on the couch proper, Glimmer pulled her left boot off and then the right. Poking around she didn’t feel anything off, but Catra still cursed and moaned. “Alright, hang on, I need to get some supplies real quick.”

She had gone just a few steps before opening the front door one more time, but there was no sign of Tao. Glimmer huffed, sparing one last look before closing it tight. She wasn’t about to worry about him when Catra was injured on the settee.

Glimmer knew a little first aid thanks to Bow’s insistence that she learn. _ “What if I break my leg Glimmer, it’ll be up to you. Safety first!” _ But she also knew that first thing in the morning she’d need to ride into town and get the doctor out here. A quick arm splint, cold wet cloth over her eyes, and elevated foot was about the best Glimmer could do, and she would rather be safe than sorry. She also knew she’d need to apologize and thank Bow again for the lessons. Sure, her mother had required it before allowing the two of them to hike or ride outside of town alone, but Bow had insisted on making her actually learn.

She’d thought Catra had fallen asleep by the time she finished, and nearly yelped when the woman slurred, “How’syer day?”

Glimmer did her best to not snap about how it had been wonderful until she’d been forced to find her bottle of laudanum. Instead she focused on counting out the drops before adding some whiskey to the glass she held. When she’d been younger her menstrual cramps had been horrifically intense, and the doctor had happily prescribed laudanum for it. Glimmer hadn’t cared much at the time, but was now rather grateful they’d gone to an actual pharmacist and not the tobacconist or barber. They had not turned the bottle over until her mother understood the addictive natures of the drug, something neither had even heard of. Bow had absorbed the information like a sponge and made sure Glimmer hadn’t taken more than needed.

She’d watched poor old Cobalt slowly but surely get swept away by the opioid a few years later, and that had been enough to scare her for life. Still, Glimmer kept the bottle and when she’d run out a year back she had gotten another much smaller one.

“Never you mind that, can you drink something for me?” Glimmer was very grateful the settee had such a steep side now, the idea of trying to sit Catra up again was harrowing. “Some medicine for your headache. It’s- I put it in whiskey.”

_ Please say yes, please say yes, how am I supposed to trick you into drinking? _

“Suuuure,” Catra said, waiting more patiently than Glimmer had ever seen before realizing Catra wasn’t going to be able to reach for something when she couldn’t see. Glimmer lifted the glass and carefully poured. As soon as she’d finished the small half shot, Catra had burped. “I don’t feel good.”

“Catra D’riluth, go to sleep.” Rest was one of the best prescriptions, but in this case it was more that it was about the only choice.

But apparently Catra was feeling chatty.

“Naw,” Catra whined, “dun wanna. You, do you know how hard it was tuh- to limp my sorry self here?”

“No and I do not wish to know.” At least not right now. “You hit your head; s’all I need to know.”

“I did? Oh.”

“...so you said.”

“I hit my head pretty hard?” Catra asked, before twitching. “Feels ripe to burst.”

“Just so.” Glimmer took another rag from her pile, and dunked it in the water she’d brought to switch it with the one across Catra’s closed eyes.

The worst part of this house had been knowing that she’d have to keep living from a well while her mother’s house had just gotten fit for indoor plumbing. The new flushing toilet, warm inside the house, had made her mad with envy. A tap that could be turned easily for water a dream. She was just glad she had a bucket full inside so it wouldn’t freeze.

Catra smiled slightly, her voice was soft and sweet and she echoed, “Just so.”

“Well it’s a good thing you made it here then ain’t it?” Glimmer asked, poking at Catra’s shoulder gently. “This way you got some medicine and can get some sleep.”

“Why’d I do that when yer here?”

Glimmer waited for her to laugh or smirk or do something else to tease her right back. But when all she got was a small pleased smile, she suddenly realized that Catra was being deadly serious. “You musta hit it pretty hard. Look at you being all sweet as honey.”

“I’s true,” Catra minutely tilted her head, as if to glare at Glimmer from behind the cloth over her eyes.

“A’right, it’s true, I ain’t fightin’ ya now just lay still!” Glimmer said.

Catra groped blindly with her left hand, awkwardly searching to her right. Glimmer rolled her eyes but grabbed her hand. Catra sighed heavily. “Oh good, you’re here!”

“Yup,” Glimmer scooted to sit more comfortably on the floor without letting go of Catra’s hand. “Wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

Catra nearly gave a full blown smile but she winced as her cheek twinged. “Miss, you gonna spoil me.”

Glimmer changed out the rags, trying to keep a cold one on her eyes and forehead to help with the fire’s light and headache. “Maybe I want to spoil you, after your stupid heroics coming out here injured.”

Catra’s grin became a frown. “You always worry too much Glim. You can only do what you can do darlin’.”  
  
And if her heart didn’t skip a damn beat right then, Glimmer would’ve been shocked. _ Don’t make this awkward, she is injured. _ “You-I-no I do not!”

“You cried over a, uh, that little...”

Glimmer winced, knowing exactly what she was talking about regardless of how jumbled she was.

And first of all, that deer had been anything but little! 

Catra had broken, after Glimmer practiced daily with her pistol and then a loaned revolver, and agreed to let her try a rifle. They’d ridden out far enough to not cause a problem, and while Catra had been kneeling demonstrating the proper way to hold it, the deer had stepped out into the field. Glimmer had pointed it out in awe, but Catra had whispered back, _ “You ever go hunting?” _

It didn’t take long to make an agreement and Catra had taken the shot just as Glimmer’s shifting startled the poor thing. What should have been a clean shot ended up getting right messy.

Secondly, Glimmer would like to argue that any sane city person would’ve cried too at the pitiful sounds it had made. Catra had quickly finished it off with her hunting knife and a series of apologies to her. She’d still pulled herself together enough to help drag the creature back to the horses, and had made herself go and help when Bow arrived to butcher it.

Of course she’d worried over the poor deer, but that was besides the point!

“That was different!” Glimmer huffed, flushing with a combination of shame and embarrassment over her childish behavior that day.

“Hmm?” Catra’s thumb swiped lazily back and forth over her hand, and Glimmer realized she probably didn’t understand or remember what she’d just said. “What’s yer name?”

God almighty, it would have been funny if it hadn’t been a bit frightening. “Glimmer.”

“Glimmer!” Catra sounded pleased at least. “Why can’t I see you?”

“Your head was achin’ so I put a cloth on ya.” Glimmer waited a moment before adding, “It’s made you all sweet like.”

“Mmm always sweet.” Catra mumbled. “Least with you.”

“Oh good Lord,” Glimmer whispered to herself as her heart gave another robust kick behind her ribs.

Catra, though, had apparently misheard her. Because the next thing she mumbled was, “Love ya too.”

Glimmer stared at her for a solid minute at least. A mixture of amusement and exasperation tugging at her heart painfully as she processed what had just happened. When she finally broke out of it, the first thing she did was change the cloth again (to keep it cool and damp), only to find herself staring into Catra’s eyes. They were soft with a depth of affection Glimmer had not been sure she’d ever get to have turned fully on her or not. 

Despite her efforts to make the first move, it turned out it was much easier said than done. Glimmer had tried to be more open with Catra, both when speaking and listening, and sometimes when she got the courage with her physical affections. She hadn’t been sure if she was making headway or just making Catra clam up tighter. The two of them had still been locked in a dance. Well, at least she had an answer for whether her attempts had made any headway.

“Do you know how long I have been trying to get those words outta you?” Glimmer chuckled softly, feeling tears build up before she covered Catra’s eyes again.

“Yeah?”

“I have fallen in love with a fool,” she teased, squeezing Catra’s hand as she wiped at her own eyes.

Catra’s voice was all awe when she asked, “You love me?”

This was not the jewelry or flowers she’d envisioned, not during their walks in the wild where the beauty of the land could leave you breathless. This was something far better than she’d imagined, even with Catra laid up.

“I do.” She almost leaned in, before berating herself for taking advantage.

Catra huffed, petulant. “Well why ain’t you ever kissed me?”

“...D’riluth, do not make me hit you.” Still, Glimmer shuffled onto her knees and leaned down just enough to kiss her.

Catra’s lips scratched a little from being chapped, but it was still so soft and warm and perfect. It lasted maybe a few seconds before Glimmer pulled back unsure. Had that been right? Had it been decent and wanted? Silly thoughts but ones that had her checking just in case.

Catra hadn’t been holding herself stiff by any means, but somehow she melted further into the cushions below her with a happy little sound and a small dopey grin. And that was just cute enough that Glimmer leaned down one more time for another kiss.

_ Why did I wait five whole _ ** _years_ ** _ to do this? _ Was about the only thing she could think. If Catra was a fool, then Glimmer was sure she must be stupid. This was the best thing she’d ever done in her life! _ Why in the world was I so darn scared? _

This time when they broke apart Catra whispered, “Imma die happy, even when yer mom kills me.”

“She would not!” Glimmer giggled resting her forehead gently on the uninjured part of Catra’s arm. “Probably.”

Catra half chuckled and half hissed, letting go to try and hold her head again. Shoot!

“Alright, that’s enough of all that for now. Get some sleep. Please.” Glimmer got up slowly, letting the stiffness in her knees fade a little before gently stroking Catra’s curls. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“M’okay.”

When the doctor came the next day he prescribed rest. When he left, Catra prescribed kisses. Glimmer was happy to oblige them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!
> 
> Also, Catra has hirsutism b/c I want her to have big fluffy gray sideburns in place of her little fur tufts and also be wonderfully fuzzy still.


	7. Sink or Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra thinks about how far the two of them have come before asking Glimmer the most important question of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

After three years of being with Glimmer, Catra could admit to herself how very bizarre her life would look to a younger version of herself. How disgusted she would have been, or how afraid she would have felt. She’d spent her whole life surviving, from that cursed cabin to the Horde to the one fateful night she’d decided she was ready to give up. Life was difficult, that was a damn fact, and life never wanted to do what Catra wanted it to. Of course when she’d gone out that night, riding until she couldn’t see any hints of civilization before sending her stolen horse off into the inky black, all Catra could think about was how nice it would feel when she couldn’t feel anything anymore.

It had started in typical fashion after she left the Horde, since life was not fucking her over, Catra had gotten nervous and then fucked it up herself. She hadn’t been able to get a job and keep it. Her propensity to get into physical fights over every conceived slight was not an admirable trait out in the rest of the world. After her last screw up with the pompous rich ranch owner degrading her in front of the rest of the crew, she’d stolen all the damn liquor in the bastard’s fancy ass house and took his favorite horse to rub a little salt in the wound.

She lined the bottles up and drank until she wanted to get sick. Turned out it didn’t take near as long as she’d assumed. Swaying back and forth on the ground as she finished her first bottle she already felt bleary and loopy. Catra could remember laughing at that, Hordak could drink a whole bottle himself and not even seem that drunk a’tall and here she couldn’t manage the same. It was funny because she was better than him at basically everything.

It got a bit hazy at that point. 

She remembers struggling to carry the other bottles as her coordination got worse, but that was a problem she could solve by drinking until she could abandon a few more empties. There’s the vague outline of her falling into something, probably hadn’t been deep at all but the memory was of a valley opening under her feet. She can remember throwing up at some point, the painful fire that ran back up her throat, and the unbearable burn as some of it came up and out her nose instead. Oh she had cried at that, but a quick blow of her nose helped and so did that fancy bottle of tequila the bastard had been so proud of showing off. She had specifically saved it till she was sure it wouldn’t taste like much in another spiteful move.

The next thing she remembers is squatting over a bucket in her cell, shitting like it was going out of style and wondering what the hell had happened.

The sheriff was a rather cold and stuck up woman, so disconnected that she almost seemed ethereal as she talked. Catra felt like someone had been ramming a white hot iron poker into her eyes and wished that it would kill her instead. Probably more still drunk than hungover honestly. She was naked from the waist down, humiliated as she continued to have no control over her bowels, getting lectured by a woman who might as well have been made from stone when she first heard Glimmer’s name.

“You are lucky that she found you, and thought to bring you here for medical assistance. Miss Glimmer Moon reported that she found you over an hour’s ride away from town.” The sheriff’s head tilted in an unnatural manner before she continued, “Please ensure that you properly thank her.”

Catra, drunk as hell, had slurred, “I’ll killin’ fuck er ifn I WANT.”

The woman had tilted her head again, almost as if she was an actor starting a scene over. “I will have to insist that you do not, or I will be forced to press the full weight of the law. Please ensure you thank Miss Moon.”

Catra had ended up spending the next two days in the town jail, alone with Sheriff Hope as she both sobered up and healed up, and with no word on how long a stay was left for her to suffer. She’d just about given up and decided that if there was a god, they were not above a little pre-hell punishment, when she was finally released. With nowhere to go, the Sheriff had put her up at the inn for a night and warned her to remember the dangers of alcohol and wandering the desert by herself before finally leaving. Catra had decided it wasn’t worth it to explain that had been the damned point, too tired to care anymore. A warm bath, clean clothes, and her first meal that actually stayed down later and Catra had decided that maybe it wasn’t pre-hell punishment so much as the much more routine regular horse shit. The morning after her first sleep on something softer than rotting wood, Catra had felt positive enough to go to the large fenced in area she’d seen the day before and was grateful to discover it was in fact an auction house. 

She’d lost all her jobs attempting to be a ranch or farm hand, but damn if she didn’t have some flashy skills to help her trick the next idiot into putting up with her a few months. As she’d twirled the lasso around, jumping through it and trying to look as relaxed as possible Catra had forced memory after memory of Shadow Weaver’s rough tutelage out of her mind. Rope tricks when done by a young child were astounding and an easy way to make a little money while distracting the town from a robbery after all. 

One of the men had challenged her to do some riding and Catra would love to say she remembered what he’d said, but she really couldn’t. Because part way through proving her damn skills she’d seen her. Sheriff Hope had happily supplied Catra with a description of Miss Moon, with the repeated order to thank her. Catra had been so fed up with it, that she vowed to do no such thing!

But seeing Glimmer Moon for the first time was like the best sucker punch she’d ever taken.

Light Hope had failed to truly explain just how amazingly beautiful she was. Glimmer had been watching in a pretty pink and purple dress, she had climbed half way up the wooden fencing and smiled brightly as she’d passed. It took Catra’s brain a second to register over its own incoherent screaming, but when she did she backed that horse right on up.

For the first time in her life, Catra had absolutely no qualms with thanking someone for a helping hand. Ironically, over the one time she really, really hadn’t wanted one. Soon as Miss Moon had tried to deflect her thanks, Catra had doubled down.

Oh she had fully intended on getting out of this town, just far enough for long enough to steal another horse before going another state over. Start fresh with a new job maybe. If not, there was supposed to be a large gorge of some kind there, and Catra had been fully intent on making her next plan stick. Or, more like making whatever would be left of her body stick.

Glimmer had other ideas. 

She’d grabbed Catra’s hand and her eyes had twinkled with excitement as they talked about anything she could seem to think of. Unable and unwilling to give up whatever little time she’d have with her, Catra obliged. She’d felt strangely numb after partying ways and ended up sitting in the shade of the general store to wait it out. That’s when Glimmer had found her to explain that her mother would pay handsomely if Catra would give Glimmer riding lessons as a private tutor. Catra did the unthinkable. 

She gave in for the second time ever in her life.

She laid in bed at Bow’s house that night, his father’s many spare bedrooms easily finding a spot for her, and wondered what the hell had happened. So she was a pretty girl, so what? Catra had seen plenty of pretty girls in her life! So what was it about Miss Moon that had her being polite and acting like an upstanding citizen instead of a mongrel? What about Glimmer had turned Catra so quickly from her long drop sudden stop to giving private lessons? As the days and weeks and months and years passed, Catra just stopped wondering about why she caved for Glimmer every single time. Hell, she can’t even really remember when she stopped making plans to just end it for good. Sometime in that first year. Everyday Catra had managed to trick and con herself into sticking it out for just one more day until it damn well stuck.

Life was strange that way.

It was stranger still, difficult in ways she’d never imagined to just _ not _ want to cause trouble. To not ignore problems until they exploded or to instigate a fight when the tension got too thick to breathe. Catra had learned that the best way to get enough space to catch some air was to hiss and spit fire. That the best thing she could do was lash out first and be in control of it, rather than wait until she was a victim. Wanting to not do any of that was completely different from actually not doing it.

She was grateful, eternally so, that the Moons had never lost faith in her and that they also took no shit.

Arguing back? Acceptable as long as she remained civil with her tongue. Snapping back a little too harsh when upset? Understandable and not defendable apparently. No matter how often that awful little thing in her mind said things would get easier if she just threw a punch or went for the kill, she’d fought herself tooth and nail to be different. Catra had managed to keep that jagged part of herself pointed away from the Moons, cutting and lashing out at other company workers or herself until that damn day at the canyon.

Catra did her level best to not flinch at the memory.

She overreacted, she overreached, and then in a fit of self pity and fear she’d gone and tried to throw her life away. Not that she’d really realized it in the moment, she’d been a little too busy worrying herself crazy about Glimmer’s safety and Angella’s reaction to think about it like that. Still, she’d lived, they talked, and Catra had managed to let them in just a little more. 

And like a damned fool, Catra thought she’d managed to let go of some of her bullshit to let them in. Ha.

Hordak’s screaming and Weaver’s fists were never gone, maybe they weren’t even hers to put down.

_ “Ours is not a simple life, we are not content to sit back on our heels and be crushed underfoot!” Hordak’s speeches were far and few between, the mere threat of his ire typically enough to keep all of them in line from big to small. Not that she’d known that then. That was the first time she’d heard him speak, his voice going between shrill and growling as he pounded a fist against his chest. “No. We rise up! We rise up to take what should rightfully be ours. We rise up to create a more perfect world- an orderly world. We rise up on wings, not of feathers but of toughened leather.” _

Religious idiocy, Weaver had called it and Catra agreed, but it was damnably effective. And in the cases it wasn’t, well, Catra had gotten acquainted with that too. That’s where she’d learned it was usually better if she fought back than just accepted whatever punishment was doled out. Fighting back made you stronger, made you a force to be reckoned with, and Catra had fought back so viciously that eventually not a damned soul could touch her besides Hordak himself. Her position had been hard won over spilt blood and gunpowder. She thought that ignoring that instinct and listening to others meant it was over and done.

The bank had proven her wrong. More wrong than maybe she’d ever been.

Catra had been willing to play along, she’d been on the other side of these a few times and knew first hand that calm and willing victims was easier on everyone. She didn’t even care that he was a Crimson Waste member, she’d given up on that life and wasn’t gonna start a fight over it. But soon as that giant idiot with the shotgun had gotten far too big for his britches something in her had just...snapped. He was threatening one of **her** people. That had already been enough for her to want to ruin his stupid bullshit. But threatening Glimmer who looked a half second away from crying? Well now she was going to get to be a hero and enjoy herself too.

She’d really thought that, she was stopping a robbery and not a single innocent lost their soul. Catra had lost it a little, her carefully maintained control too much to contain once the fight started proper, but she hadn’t gone rabid. She even spared as many of the robber’s lives as possible, excepting the big idiot who was never going to make it out alive after what he’d done. She’d still been coming off the excitement of it, leading Glimmer home and proud as hell when they had their fight.

It felt like the end of the world. It felt like drowning.

She’d done it again, fucked it all up beyond recognition and revealed the truth to Glimmer. Catra had always known she was a monster, hoping that if she hid her fangs and ripped out her claws it would be enough to get her by. Enough to keep her close to the two moons lighting her path. Knowing it was over, Catra decided to move forward by taking some control back. She waited until Glimmer retired before telling Angella the whole damn truth.

_ “...I wasn’t in control. At the bank. When that bastard...I, I just.” Catra had forced herself to keep talking even as she lost feeling in her fingers and toes. “Glimmer said I- and I just think I should- sorry. Let me start over. Thank you for the opportunities Mrs. Moon, it’s...made more of a difference than I can really explain.” _

_ Angella had looked at her carefully, critically before pointing to the kitchen table. “Make yourself comfortable won’t you?” _

_ The nerves had flared into anger and Catra had to close her one good eye to calm the fuck down before answering, “I don’t think that’s a good idea ma’am.” _

_ “I’m sorry,” Angella smiled almost peacefully at her as she poured two shots of whiskey, “I don’t know why I phrased that as a request. It’s not. You will join me at the table.” _

Despite wanting to leave quick as she could, Catra knew she’d never forgive betraying them both. So she sat, and got lucky for the first time in her life. Oh sure, she still got a little talking to, but it was nothing like anything she’d ever experienced in her life. No screaming, no humiliation, no knives or fists or fire. It was...gentle. Even with the alcohol.

_ “Miss D’riltuh, I have never asked you about your past and I don’t intend to. It’s yours to share or not. But do you take me for a fool? No one would end up passed out in the desert like that on accident.” _

_ Catra’s whole body had gone cold, shaking at that. She didn’t want to even think about it let alone explain herself. _

_ Angella sipped at her second shot before continuing, “You know I read every report on you as well? Do you know what I saw?” _

_ Already shaking terribly, Catra found that she was choking around a sob to answer, “I know miss. I-I’m-” _

_ “Do you?” Angella’s voice was so much softer as she moved to sit next to her, tugging softly until Catra was leaning on her. “I saw a young woman, struggling harder than hell to be better. I told you to try- and Catra, you did more than that. This thing? It is a part of you, but have not once let it over rule you.” _

_ She’d covered her mouth, desperate to keep her crying and carrying on quiet. Glimmer was trying to sleep! When it barely helped she held her breath, pinching her aching nose shut to try and help stop the noise by stopping the source. Only, there were hands pulling hers away. _

_ “Breathe, steady on. Steady.” _

She’d meant to leave, not just the house but the town, run until she could try again, try and forget the first good thing in her life. But when Angella had asked her to stay, not just the night (although yes, that as well), but to stay put and see it through? How could she say no? Catra can say she holds the memory close to her heart, the way Angella had held her as she’d nearly shaken apart.

_ “This is not all or nothing.” Angella had said, assuring her gingerly as if she’d break at so much as a feather’s touch. _

_ She wasn’t _ wrong _ was the thing. Catra had still bitterly mumbled, “Win or lose.” _

_ Beatrix Weaver was years dead and still fucking up her life was taking up every little crack in her foundations, slithering into every shadow available. _

_ “Not always.” _

So she’d stayed, and when Glimmer had pulled her into her bed with sparkling eyes and asked after her? Catra had burst wide open, desperate to share and prove that she wasn’t just blood thirsty only for Glimmer to stop her to ask for shooting lessons. 

After that she’d been done for. Just like that robber, her fate had all but been sealed. All those things she’d given in over? Every time she’d held back? It had felt massive. They had felt almost like burdens until she got used to them. Turned out those had all been small potatoes. The only reason Catra hadn’t outright moved into Glimmer’s house was because she hadn’t been invited to, although Glimmer had certainly found ways to show she wanted Catra around.

But the big ones had started when Catra had been too ill to pitch a fit and was trapped in Glimmer’s house. She was actually almost happy to let Glimmer dote on her. Administering painkillers and helping her limp around the house. Catra could still remember vividly the time she’d caught a cold, and Weaver had sneered down at her about how it was her own fault for getting sick so it was her responsibility to take care of it. She’d been seven at the time and took it to heart that her whining was pathetic and a nuisance. That anyone would agree that everyone needed to care for themselves. Glimmer wasn’t like that at all, in fact Glimmer had almost killed her every time Catra tried to help. 

So she gave up on that big one.

And she told herself that just because she let someone help her and care about her, just because she’d admitted how she felt didn’t mean she should go all in. Life would fuck it up if she didn’t. So she made a pact with herself, to give in just this once and then wait.

Ha! Just that once!

_ “I went and collected your affects, since you’re needing to stay here and all.” Glimmer announced as soon as she’d gotten back from work. _

_ Catra’s ankle had healed quickly, allowing her to stumble to her feet a little too fast for her still aching head. She nearly tipped over and scrambled to lean on the wall for support. “What?! Why?” _

_ “Well it just don’t make sense to leave it all on the other side a town.” _

She’d nearly fought then. That she appreciated the care being shown to her, a care she’d never had, but not at the expense of her own autonomy. Not at the expense of giving up her choices! But Glimmer had looked pleased as punch, nothing mocking in her sparkling eyes and wide smile. Like she was genuinely happy Catra was trapped. It had been enough to pin her tongue to think it through. By that evening, with her personal wool blanket wrapped around her, Catra found she didn’t mind. Not one bit. The company house was a shack at best with limited space and you were always at risk of having something stolen. Why not enjoy the space away from people, the quiet, the much better cooked food with none of the offensive odors that always lingered around the stove. Why not enjoy all this extra time with her girl Glimmer? So she sat on the settee and held one corner of the blanket open in invitation hoping her message was heard. Glimmer had smiled and settled in close with her in front of the fire, and Catra could hardly remember why she’d wanted to scream that morning.

And her giving in there, meant that Glimmer began to experiment and push. Not with small things either. The next big thing had been agreeing to do some cooking if she could while recovering. She’d refused initially, sure, if you were cooking in the Horde it meant you had no other uses after all. With a little prodding and a little fightin’ Catra had been forced to try and reconcile this idea with the fact that Glimmer cooked and clearly wasn’t some animal to beat and abandon. A little more prodding to admit how useless she was feeling from the injury, couldn’t even go outside or look at a flame for too long before everything hurt all over again. 

_ Glimmer had hummed thoughtfully before speaking, “Well it sounds to me like you need something to do ‘round here. Ain’t much you can, and that is not your fault, but it’s true. Maybe doing at least some cooking would help, keep your hands busy and at the end of the day you can enjoy what you made. We gotta eat, so somebody’s got to cook don’t they?” _

_ “You just want me to be a little housewife.” Catra had grumbled, accepting Glimmer’s kiss to her cheek as well earned compensation. _

_ Glimmer had hummed thoughtfully, pressing kiss after kiss until she’d started to giggle. “Maybe so.” _

_ “Miss you are evil.” _

She’d been right though. Even if Catra had been too drunk on her approval to fight proper like, Glimmer had been right. Cooking took the whole damned day between its natural rhythms and Catra’s need to take breaks when the light got to be too much. So she cooked, and even as she got better began to realize that she didn’t mind it so much. Especially not now that Glimmer and her would trade off as she got better.

The whole thing almost went tits up when she had finally gotten well enough to go back to work. Angella, first thing mind you, had mentioned off hand that Catra’s spot at the company housing had filled nicely. Unsure what to make of **that** Catra had logged it away and started working on the numbers. As the day went on the stories she came up with got worse and worse. Outlandish in the worst ways. Maybe this was Angella’s way of getting rid of her. Maybe Glimmer was sick of her. Maybe Glimmer went behind her back to demand it. Maybe, maybe, maybe until she was ready to scream. Instead Catra feigned exhaustion to make sure she wouldn’t clock Mrs. Moon for meddling, riding her new horse Captain back home. She’d fretted the whole afternoon and well into the evening over it until she was convinced she’d somehow made a misstep or mistake.

_ Catra was half sprawled across Glimmer’s legs in bed that night when she finally got the courage to ask, “Did I upset your mother?” _

_ “What?” Glimmer asked, distracted by her penny novel before the question fully processed. She blinked rapidly and set it down to answer. “No. Why?” _

_ “Well she done kicked me out of the company house.” Catra whined and felt like a fool for even complaining. _

_ Glimmer had looked thoughtful before shrugging, “Ain’t like you been living there, poor greenhorn probably needed it more than your memory did.” _

_ “Where the hell am I supposed to sleep now?” _

_ Glimmer had looked at her like you might a particularly stupid animal before waving a hand around, and sarcastically quipping, “Good heaven’s where shall you go?” _

It had been a very interesting night to realize that living with Glimmer wasn’t temporary. That it was permanent. That Glimmer wanted her there and Angella approved enough to give away her bed. 

After that Catra had just started letting go more and more. Compromising and agreeing even when she didn’t like it, only to discover she often didn’t mind and when she did all it took was one quick and honest opinion for them to pull back and make more concessions. It was strange. It felt...strange. Catra didn’t feel different but a quick think over her actions made it more than clear that she was. That idea had eaten away until she finally asked during a walkabout, turning to Mrs. Moon to get an honest opinion.

_ “Am I...different since I hit my head?” _

_ Angella had stared at her in confusion, head tilting. “Not that I’ve noticed. Why?” _

_ “Just a thought.” _

Yeah just a thought that she had somehow gotten softer than rabbit’s fur and mushier than mud. Like some love sick fool. Catra had spent her whole damn life desperate to stay in charge of any situation. Even her earliest memory of the cabin, hazy as it was, was of herself tearing up books and clothes and swinging a hatchet to get bits of wood to burn when they’d been snowed in. She could remember hearing people outside one day, grunting as they worked to clear the door. So what did she do at the tender young age of five? She’d pulled her daddy’s pistol out of it’s holster and half aimed at the door, too malnourished to really hold it steady. She knows, now, that when Weaver had her grunts break into the cabin, that they’d planned on terrorizing and probably murdering whoever was inside.

Well the joke was on Weaver, all they’d found was two corpses and a child. She’d never forget the way Shadow Weaver had stared her down over the barrel of the gun and smiled.

_ “Well, well, well, a survivor through and through. Just like us.” _

She’d taken to Shadow Weaver like a duck to water, but only with half the sense. That first memory meant very little as she grew up; with her parents being nebulous blobs of colors instead of people she had little to compare to. Her whole childhood she’d been right scared they’d send her back. If she thought about any of it too long, she was likely to get lost in her own damn head listening to the insane bravado of a scared little man and his crazy right hand woman. 

But, there was some truths in that life. Fear would hold you back. Do what you must to survive. Take what you want before someone stronger takes it first.

Catra smirked as she hauled on the oars. Her old life may have had some truths, and she couldn’t wait to make a few folks roll in their graves today. Using their poison as a cure was just petty enough to make her preen a little.

“Do not make me regret coming out here,” Glimmer hissed, hands tightly clutching at her seat. 

“Like you weren’t the one to beg me to come out on this damned lake!”

Glimmer gave a breathless chuckle before half snapping, “That was before I knew you were a hell beast when rowin’!”

_ “Ours are the wings that shall set this world free! We are not the beasts but the tamers!” _

“Excuse you Miss, I have **always** been a hell beast, an’ it ain’t my fault you didn’t notice till now.” Still, Catra slowed down and let the boat glide further without her forcing them along. It was a lot more peaceful on the water than she’d expected, although every time it rocked too much she still longed for the shore.

Ever since she’d moved into Glimmer’s house, Catra had been doing her level best to not just try, but be better now. Be kinder. Be softer. Be open to Glimmer’s complaints and compliments. Be the woman that Glimmer saw somewhere inside. The Moon’s had asked her to try and now Catra felt ready to lean into this whole new leaf thing. So when Glimmer said, _ “You are just like my father, ‘sept without the love of water,” _ before launching into a beloved childhood memory. Catra had perked up right quick at that. Mr. Moon had been completely off the table for discussion for as long as she’d known the Moon’s. From what little she’d gathered the poor bastard had died in a terrible accident, that he was as gentle as he’d been smart, and that both Glimmer and Angella had loved him dearly.

Sitting there listening to Glimmer’s story like it was the last one she’d ever hear, Catra started to put a plan together. Scheming had always been a specialty of hers, and putting it to use had been simple enough. She wanted her whole life to be like this, forever and always. She wanted to keep up with the Moon’s, even if it meant running and looking at the night sky for the rest of her life. So she decided to take what little she knew of Mr. Moon and worked from that. She’d never met him, but she hoped that if he was looking down he’d be glad to see what she was doing.

The first step had been getting them to the right location. Despite the shiver that had run up her spine at the thought, Catra knew it needed to be near water. So she asked and read up and generally made a nuisance of herself to find out where they could possibly go.

Salineas Butte was not the lake from Glimmer’s story, apparently that one had dried up years back before they’d moved a few states away to escape her father’s ghost. Catra still did her very best to get them out to Salineas anyways, the soaring cliffs and the tall butte the lake was named for were supposed to be breathtaking. Her plan had involved getting them time off, get them there, and then happily watch Glimmer as she had a swim. As soon as she’d figured out where they were going, apparently having a friend who lived out this way in an unfair twist of fate, Glimmer had gushed about all the things _ they _ would do. Regardless of what Catra wanted apparently.

Trying to wiggle her way out of doing anything on the water without revealing things Glimmer didn’t need to know about had been impossible from the start. So instead she’d tried to keep as much control on this situation as possible, going so far as to demand she be allowed to row the boat around the lake which at least would get them somewhere picturesque. Catra rubbed gently at her sore and stinging hands with a nearly childish grin.

Glimmer grumbled, throwing her hands in the air, “Well it is no concern of mine what you are when we’re on land D’riluth. But I, for one, prefer to not drown!”

_ Weaver wouldn’t let her up, wouldn’t let her upwouldn’t let herupwouldn’t letherupwouldn’tletherupwouldn’tletherUP- and Catra couldn’t breathe. _

“Hey,” Glimmer’s hand on hers were as soft and gentle as her tone was firm, “you get back here this instant.”

It turned out that settling down came with some interesting side benefits, such as they were. Catra had **never** felt as unstable as she had since she’d met Glimmer. It was a good unstable, if that was even possible. Scary, but good. Not so many rages as it was suddenly learning how much of her life Catra loathed. How many memories meant nothing good compared to what she now knew was good. She’d never gotten lost in the weeds like this before, but then again Catra knew she hadn’t exactly ever had the chance to get lost. If she hadn’t been running she sure as hell needed to be gunning. Here and now, she didn’t have to worry about it so much. Not when there was someone there to help pull her back to reality.

“You know, we can go back if you want. I was just givin’ you a hard time, but I didn’t mean to actually give you a hard time.” Glimmer’s eyes were wide and face open as she spoke. It wasn’t that there wasn’t fear there too, there always was, but just like Catra had been learning, so too had Glimmer. Learning when to stop, when to push, when to ask, how to ask. Both of them slowly but surely whittling through the layers together. Catra learning to not lash out but speak up, and Glimmer learning how to help her stumble away from the echoes.

Catra smiled as she turned her hands up to lace their fingers together. “Now, now, lying is a terrible thing Miss Moon.”

“Ugh!” Glimmer playfully kicked at her knees but gave up quickly enough as the boat rocked. “Here I am being right as rain and sweeter than honey, and how am I repaid?”

Catra idly toyed with Glimmer’s bracelet. It was the same one she’d been wearing when they met apparently, beautiful pinks and purples inlaid around a single white opal. Glimmer had been more than delighted to tell Catra all about that first meeting and how she’d been unable to stop complimenting her on anything she could think of including the “brace-a-klet” (something that Glimmer apparently found hilarious to say whenever she wore one now much to Catra’s chagrin). It was flashy and shiny, and typically Glimmer didn’t wear it; it was a family heirloom from her grandmother on down after all. Apparently her father had seen the way Angella looked at it, and with permission had proposed to her with it. All that considered, Catra hoped that it bode well for her plans today.

“Right as run off and sweet and tar more like it.”

“Oh! OH!” Glimmer shouted, looking around as if there was an audience to their shenanigans. Her desire to make other people both uncomfortable and laugh taking over as she put on her fakest shrill voice. “I am **hurt**!”

Catra couldn’t help her lazy grin. Goodness gracious, she loved this woman something fierce. “Good. ‘Cause I meant it too!”

“Oh well I suppose I’ll just SWIM back to shore then, pardon me.” And with that Glimmer made a show of starting to stand up.

Partially in jest and partially in terror, Catra tried to stop her. “Damn it woman do not capsize us!”  
  
“I can do what I want D’riluth!”

So much for her romantic plans, Catra groused silently as they continued to struggle. Maybe proposing to Glimmer on a lake to invoke that connection to Mr. Moon hadn’t been the smartest thing to do. She’d just wanted to show she was listening and cared, and was ready to finally dive into the past with her. Glimmer had been more open about her own childhood, and had never pushed Catra to share more than she could. But hearing those words _ “You’re like my father” _ meant Catra was kind and loving and lovable. It made her ready as hell.

“Glimmer Moon, sit your ass down so I can be proper!”

Glimmer gave one last terrific fake pull to leave the boat, which Catra over corrected for, her hand raking down Glimmers arm, fingers accidentally hooking under it, and just like that Glimmer’s bracelet fell overboard.

That definitely didn’t bode well for her plans. Damn life and it’s insistence on ruining **everything**!

Catra began pulling off her boots even as Glimmer turned to stare into the water with a shout. It took a few seconds at most to get them off and ditch her hat. “Don’t worry, I got it!”

“Catra don’t you dare-”

Thing of it was, Catra didn’t like water. Hadn’t liked it since Weaver discovered it was a particularly efficient punishment. She’d still been forced to wade into lakes and ponds and rivers to learn how to swim. _ “No student of mine will die because she couldn’t swim.” _ And here was the other thing, she was good at it. Made sure she was very proficient and able to swim faster and hold her breath longer than anyone else to make a point. Something that screamed, “ _ Weaver got away with it, you won’t” _. Octavia had tried one time to kill her, and had chosen the hot spring they’d set up camp around to do it. So Catra had held her breath until she thought she was gonna die, going perfectly still until Octavia let go. The stunt had cost Octavia an eye and Catra had been very pleased to show that just because something had scared her as a child didn’t mean it did as an adult.

Whether or not that fact was actually true.

Diving head first into the lake, Catra let her momentum carry her down, blinking her eyes rapidly to find the bracelet in the mostly clear water. Then she swam harder than she ever had. Kicking and pulling at the water, cutting through it fast as she could with the pink coral glinting up at her so tantalizingly close and frustratingly far. She would not let Glimmer lose this last connection to her father if it damn well killed her.

_ Imma have to apologize when I get back, she hates this sort of thing. _ Catra let the thought come and go, lungs burning as she finally got her hand wrapped around that one piece of jewelry. Air rushed out of her mouth in a blinding sheet of bubbles as she couldn’ keep it in anymore. Her ears hurt from the pressure and her eyes stung from the water. But she did it!

Thinking little of her pains, Catra turned and began to swim towards the surface. But was only half way there when she almost choked from how little oxygen was left in her lungs. Not a good sign. She kicked harder, fighting her body’s insistence that she just exhale and take a deep breath. _ Oh no. _ She was almost there when her motions got so uncoordinated and sluggish that Catra was more concerned she’d drop the damn bracelet before surfacing one way or another. It took a split second to stop swimming up and secure it in her belt, before she was hands free to fight her way up to freedom. Got close enough to see Glimmer’s blurred outline through the surface of the water.

Then she woke up in the boat, with Glimmer rowing them full tilt back to shore.

“What?” She asked, blearily trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Glimmer panted, “You. Stupid. Fool of. A woman! I. Am gonna. KILL you! For almost! Killing me! Fuck! You!”

Catra blinked up at her and coughed wretchedly before wheezing, “I’m fine!”

“Oh ho ho! You ain’t gonna be when I’m done!”

She nodded, after all that seemed fair. Glimmer had told her to stop it with the heroics over nothing, but Catra would argue this hadn’t been nothing. So instead of arguing, Catra patted at her belt and found it was still tucked away safe and sound. Well that was good then.

“Naw, you wouldn’t hurt yer wife.” Catra said, pulling the bracelet free with her limited fine motor functions.

“LIKE HELL I WOULDN’T!” Glimmer kept rowing for a moment before suddenly stopping and staring at Catra wide eyed. “...wait.”

Catra coughed, spitting some phlegm into the water before clearing her throat. Damn her head hurt. She finally held the bracelet up. “This didn’t work the way I’d planned. Will you still marry me?”

“You!” Glimmer’s mouth snapped shut as she stared at the offering before looking back up with watering eyes. “How the hell d’you do that? Take me from steaming mad to a mess?”

Catra smirked. “I’m very talented Miss. Will you marry me?”

Glimmer hastily wiped away her tears, a grin breaking across her face. “Of course I will you- you no good- you!”

“I think you’re supposed to kiss me at this point. ‘Cording to yer novels.”

Glimmer laughed and grabbed Catra’s face to roughly pull her into a kiss. Then another, then another, and Catra had to finally stop what she’d started when the boat gave a rather harsh wobble. She was more than interested in the rather physical reward Glimmer seemed interested in giving her, just not here.

“Let’s get back on land before doing that shall we?” Catra asked smug as you please, but when there was a long pause followed by Glimmer’s eyes going huge as she looked around, Catra took a guess. “The oars floated off didn’t they?”

“Maybe?” Glimmer blushed as she looked around in the water. “They ain’t far!”

As much as the idea of going back into the water made her want to curl up into a ball, Catra started to push herself upright. “Well I’m already soaked so-”

The boat nearly toppled over and Catra shrieked as it did, clutching tightly to the seat under her and staring open mouthed as Glimmer swam for the oars. She got one and seemed to struggle before going under and Catra’s heart stopped.

“GLIMMER!?”

She was nearly overboard herself when Glimmer popped back up to the surface without her ruffled skirt weighing her down. She took a large gulp of air before going under again, and this time Catra stayed put and watched until Glimmer broke the surface again. She managed to grab both oars before swimming back, and Catra hauled her back to safety. Unfortunately she hauled a little too hard and Glimmer awkwardly knocked the oars on the sides of the boat, and before she knew it Catra was on her back on the bottom of the boat, oars boxing her in and with Glimmer sitting on her hips. Glimmer sitting on her hips wearing only her drawers and her blouse. Her white drawers and white blouse. Just. Plastered down over her body and highlighting every curve perfectly.

Her voice was rather strangled when she managed to speak, “You trying to kill me?”

Glimmer huffed, missing the mark by a mile. “Now you see how that feels D’riluth! Ain’t so nice when you watch someone you love do something stupid is it?”

Oh it hadn’t been, but they were both fine and the matter was practically forgotten as a consequence. She’d always been better at letting the what if’s go between the two of them. No sense in getting worked up over something that hadn’t even happened. Not now, not in her new life. So instead of fighting, Catra blinked away the water dripping onto her face from Glimmer’s hair and snorted. “Naw, it ain’t. But I wasn’t talking about that.”

Glimmer stared at her in confusion, face still flushed from the exertion and anger, hair plastered down on her cheeks and neck, beautiful eyes sparkling away nearly purple looking in the light. 

“...seriously?” Catra laughed, reaching up to wrap her arms around her waist. “You come flailing outta that lake with them oars like some mythical goddess out of the ocean while half damn naked, and you seriously don’t get it?”  
  
Glimmer blushed deeper, going shades as she looked at what she was left still wearing before stuttering, “I was- it was heavy! I-I needed to!”

“Lucky me,” Catra prompted and was promptly smacked.

Still, Glimmer was laughing so it was worth it. 

“You are awful! I can’t believe you, we have a brush with the devil himself and you’re off sinning already! We ain’t even married yet!”

Catra’s smile turned softer. “You’re the one who said yes.”

“I said no such thing, I said ‘of course’!” Glimmer huffed but made no move to leave as Catra tugged her down. This kiss was special, searing it’s way into her very soul. As they parted she decided that maybe Glimmer had the right idea with this whole sinning business. She was completely ready to just get back to where they’d left off, only for Glimmer herself to accidentally drop some metaphorical ice cold water over them. 

“I can’t believe my mother agreed to this!”

Catra had spent a whole week building up the nerve to ask Angella if she could marry her daughter. Practiced what she’d say in private, and got desperate enough to ask Adora and Bow for help. Bow had cried, of course, and pelted her with a bunch of hooey that Catra would rather die than say. Adora had been shocked, one hand going to her chest as she’d asked, _ “Wait, you two are in love!?” _ It had actually helped boost her confidence that they’d managed to keep their relationship so quiet and private as they’d started a life together. 

And it had absolutely no impact on Catra managing to loosen her damned tongue enough to choke the question out.

Finally, the day before they’d left for Salineas, Catra had gone to Mrs. Moon’s house ready to ask and instead found Angella in a heated argument with Lonnie and her boys. She’d watched for ten minutes as Rogelio patted Kyle’s back and Angella and Lonnie screamed themselves hoarse before realizing she wasn’t going to get her chance. Even if the three idiots left, Catra was not about to risk asking an enraged Angella Moon a damn thing.

“Well, here’s the thing,” Catra started only for Glimmer to cover her mouth.

“...you didn’t ask her, did you? Nod or shake your head.”

Catra snorted and shook her head right before licking Glimmer’s palm.

“AUGH! Ew! You are disgusting!!” Glimmer flapped her hand a few times before wiping it off on her stomach.

Catra was a bit too pleased at pointing out, “And you’re marrying me.” 

“Not till you ask my mother I’m not!”

Catra dug her thumbs into Glimmer’s hips, pushing up slightly to make her gasp. “What if she says no? You just gonna leave all a this?”

Glimmer growled, “Oh a bunch of hair brained schemes and disregard for personal safety wrapped up into a beautiful package? Like hell I’ll leave ya. But she won’t say no!”

“I did try to!” Catra groused when her attempts at distracting Glimmer only seemed to half work. She slid her fingers under her blouse, leaving them just barely touching Glimmer’s lower back before she gently scratched. “She was always already upset when I went to ask.”

“Catra!” Glimmer half gasped and half hissed, back arching even as she landed a few very half hearted slaps on Catra’s chest and face. “We are in the open!”

“So?”

Glimmer leaned back, looking towards the sky as she threw her hands out dramatically. “If you don’t get yourself killed, I’ll do it myself!”

“There you go,” Catra cheered, shimmying a little to at least sit up properly, “positive attitude and all that!”

It was honestly a miracle that Glimmer didn’t outright strangle her on the boat. It was a miracle they managed to row back to shore when all was said and done. And it was a miracle when they found Glimmers skirts washed up on shore a mile down the way as they walked back to civilization.

Catra hoped that she’d get just one more miracle. She was going to ask Angella, and she hoped it was both soon, and that the answer was yes. Back at the inn, sharing a warm bath as best they could, Catra knew that she didn’t just want Glimmer. She needed her. She needed to wake up every morning side by side with her. Needed to hear Glimmer laugh the way she needed air to breathe. Needed to push and be pushed, and hold and be held. Needed it so much that her heart felt fit to burst behind her ribs. Watching Glimmer dress for bed in clean dry clothes, Catra found herself tearing up.  
  
“Hey Glimmer?” Catra asked later, quiet in the dark just in case Glimmer had actually fallen asleep. But hearing a soft toneless hum she continued on, “Darling, I love you.”

Glimmer had chuckled sleepily, kissing her collarbone as she mumbled back, “Love you too, go to sleep.”

So she buried her nose in Glimmer’s hair and grinned. Waiting until her breathing evened out before kissing her forehead and closing her eyes.

She was gonna rise up alright, finally rise up right. Rise up not on fists and fury, but on hope and love. By god she was gonna raise on up high enough to unscrew the stars so her moon’s could shine brightest in the sky. Catra D’riluth was done trying, and she was ready to move on. Not to another gang or another job or another existence. But hand in hand with an angel. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically the bracelet! https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5612d5bce4b0e75bc4a5c96a/57f3e248725e2522eb23a574/5b3beb9c758d46e22ba4bca0/1580495034434/?format=1500w


	8. Mother Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Glimmer FINALLY tell Angella that they're dating and engaged!
> 
> They're just a whole year later than planned, and really. Is anyone surprised?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love me some dorks in love!
> 
> Recap: After years of pining and finally having admitted their feelings, Glimmer and Catra move in together and start enjoying domestic life. Catra decides to propose to Glimmer in a grand romantic gesture, and fails to get Angella's blessing before taking her on a trip to Salineas Butte, which derails when Glimmer loses her family heirloom bracelet in the lake. After Catra goes jewelry diving, Glimmer also takes a dunk to rescue their wayward oars. Even with all the hiccups, she still says yes!

It shouldn’t come as a surprise when Glimmer sat down at work one day, and realized how much time has passed. Just sand rushing between her fingers. Twelve years since her father died. Ten years since she’d met Catra. Five since she’d moved into her house. And, this is the one she shouldn’t have been surprised to realize, nearly a whole year since Catra proposed.

Time moved real funny like she supposed.

Not that they’d done a damn thing about it. Happily living together, marriage was more of a bonus than something they needed to be together. It’s funny in a way. Back when they’d first met, if this had happened Glimmer would have pushed harder to go to Bow’s father and get the minister to set them right. Perhaps it was Catra’s influence, as she was overly fond of claiming, that kept Glimmer home but damn if it weren’t more that she’d found her faith outside the church than within its walls. Still. A whole year...

“Well shit,” Glimmer half whispered and half hummed.

“Sorry, what?” Her mother asked, nose still buried in her ledgers and eyes a little blurry from too many hours of focus.

_ I am not a clever woman. _ Glimmer chuckled weakly, “It’s nothing. ...actually! Do you mind if Catra and I come over for supper tomorrow? We hain’t been in a while.”

Angella finally looked up with a glint in her eyes as she said, “I suppose you have not, have you? You are both more than welcome to. Is there anything you’d like me to make?”

“You’re gonna be cooking?” Glimmer asked, eyebrows shooting to her hairline. She didn’t know if she’d ever actually seen her mother near a stove beyond making some tea. 

“Well…” Angella had the grace to look embarrassed, “no. I suppose I mean Miss Baker and Mister Pop. You know they miss you and would love to spoil you rotten once more.”

“Once more?” Glimmer put a hand to her chest and put on her most ridiculous pout, “I ain’t ever been spoiled once!”

Angella chuckled, a fond smile in place as she returned to her books. “I can see all those lessons on elocution have truly paid their dividends.”

Glimmer flushed bright red, and then somehow blushed even worse as she caught herself about to respond with a single heated, ‘ _‘t’ain’t like that!_’. So instead she fell back on a perfectly good and serviceable yelp of, “Mother!”

Angella laughed, one hand going up to cover her mouth as she leaned back in her chair. Laughing deeper and harder than the moment warranted by a _ long shot _. The nearly translucent pink wrap, which had miraculously managed to stay perched on her shoulders the whole day, drifted languidly to the floor. She had almost gotten herself under control, but another look at Glimmer’s face and she started laughing all over again. Which in turn made Glimmer splutter worse.

Which is about when Catra returned, and looked so uncomfortably confused that they both started laughing at her instead.

“Wellp,” Catra made a show of grabbing her hat and tipping it, “think that’s a good sign t’take off then.”

Things really had changed hadn’t they?

Just a year ago Glimmer would have been mortified by this situation, hell, Catra wouldn’t have taken their laughter in good humor. It would have been a disaster! Instead here they were with Catra grinning ear to ear and putting on a show of getting her things, including looking at her shiny new pocket watch with exaggerated disdain.

It was comfortable. It was soft and pleasant and round on all the edges. It made Glimmer’s heart feel too large for her chest as she managed to get herself put together again.

“Hain’t-” Glimmer coughed, trying to not fall back into a fit of giggles as her mother snorted loudly, “I mean to say that you shant make it very far without me, seeing as I have the only key to the house!”

Angella smacked her hand lightly on her desk top, sniggering as she fumbled blindly under her desk. And half cheering with the dirty wrap in hand as she stood, as if she'd accomplished some grand task. Then again, miracle she _see_ anything with all them tears of joy. 

Catra looked between the two of them and shrugged, “Like it’s hard to pick a lock. Ain’t even hidden ‘t all.”

“Catra D’riluth, are you saying you’re a no good scoundrel who would pick a lock?” Glimmer gasped theatrically.

“Mrs. Moon,” Catra started with a dry look, “It’s been an honor to work with you, truly but-”

“I’m afraid I can not accept your resignation at this time,” Angella managed to say, completely smooth and calm like, even if her cheeks were flushed as she was wiping tears from her eyes. “How in the world else would I get good entertainment in this town?”

“Mrs. Moon!”

Glimmer physically pushed Catra out the door as her mother lost it all over again. Better to get back towards the stable and Captain to go home, then stay and start another round of that. Poor old Star Wind had started to struggle a bit on their longer trips, and Glimmer was hoping to give the mare a break now and then. Captain was still a bold and brash young thing, and prideful to boot. But at least he weren’t upset by the journey with two people on him.

As they rode home, slow and leisurely with the long lasting summer light helping them the whole way, Glimmer let her mind wander.

After Catra’s proposal at the lake, the two had fallen ill. Sicker’n dogs ill! Mermista and Sea Hawk had graciously let them stay until they were well enough for a carriage ride home. And then Bow, Adora, and Angella had all fretted over them endlessly as they continued to cough and wheeze for a few months. The whole engagement itself took a backseat to Glimmer’s struggle to draw a single full breath and Catra’s awful fever. That damned thing had come and gone, almost every time Catra would make it nearly to a full recovery it snuck back and undid a lot of good work. Mermista had sent them a letter apologizing, apparently there was something wrong with the lake as several other swimmers had taken ill as well. It had been appreciated if a little silly, it wasn’t as if Mermista controlled the water itself!

It took three whole months for them to make it back to rights, and at Glimmer’s insistence, they’d begun trying to thank their helpers and assist them in anything that needed doing. From occasionally helping on Razz’s land, to assisting Bow with his butcher work, to hosting Salineas’s most famous couple. It took time and effort to give a proper thank you after all, and they were grateful! Of course Catra had complained the whole time, but Glimmer knew it had been more for show than anything else.  
  
By the time their whole thank you tour was over, the engagement was old news to them at least. 

And there it had remained, and hopefully tomorrow it would be righted. Glimmer watched as Catra worked on Captain at their barn, her motions sure and focused. Face placid as she brushed away. Well, no time like the present was there?

“We’re having supper with my mother tomorrow.” Glimmer less explained and more ordered.

Catra was still distracted trying to get Captain’s brush down finished. “...okay, why?”

Glimmer sighed dramatically and waved her hand with the bracelet on it. “Oh dear, why ever would we do such a thing? When we were supposed to, say, right after our trip.”

It still takes another solid minute before Catra stopped brushing, and then her head popped right up. Flushed red as a poppy to shout, “Oh fuck me.”

“Not yet. Nor here. No interest in hay being anywhere near my naked flesh thank you.” Glimmer is rather proud of how Catra somehow looked redder. It’s not that often she gets to be on this side of things and it is wonderful. No wonder Catra delighted in teasing her, maybe she should return the favor more often. Actually, no maybes, Glimmer smirked, she was _ definitely _ going to do more of this.

Catra weakly asked, “How has so much time passed?” 

“We ain’t exactly a quick moving couple. This...honestly? I’m disappointed, but it makes sense. I don’t think we can do anything together without making it a big to do.”

“We can so!”

Glimmer stared at her, incredulous as she shouted, “It took five years for you to kiss me!”

“So? It took you five years to kiss **me** and you knew I loved you already!”

“And it took you two more to propose when you had already moved in with me.”

“Miss this ain’t fair.”

“Life ain’t fair D’riluth, and we’re having supper with my mother tomorrow, and that’s final.”

Despite the harshness of her words, Glimmer almost held her breath as she waited. Catra had certainly gotten more comfortable with her mother, but if she was truly upset about it, then Glimmer would do anything to ease her mind. Instead Catra just seemed...a little nervous. Nothing bad though.

So Glimmer made sure to hug her from behind as she put the brush away. Planting a small kiss behind her ear. “Thank you.”

“Oh no,” Catra said lacing their fingers together over her stomach, “Thank _ you_, you may continue.”

Glimmer cackled at her imperious tone, but did anyways. Only stopping to smack at Catra when she offered to lay down a few blankets in the barn for them before they retreated to the house.

The next day held all the tension she’d hoped it wouldn’t. Even as she’d teased Catra for mulling over what to wear to work (the woman had one good shirt and pair of pants, which she already wore to work, what did she think she’d find in the rest of the stained and hole covered bunch?), Glimmer had made sure to keep her own dress conservative. As if her mother would take one look at them and magically know what they’d been up to the previous night, because clearly she’d known for each time. It was dumb and stupid, but they both allegedly felt better for having fretted. Breakfast was a quick affair and after some consideration Glimmer decided to bring Star Wind with them.

As much as she wanted to cling to Catra’s back, the idea of a leisurely romantic ride through the woods sounded just as good.

They took off earlier than usual, the sun just barely peeking over the mountains to wash the sky in pink and periwinkle. The colors popping in and out amongst the needles and leaves above them, shadows deepening the colors around them. The air was clean and fresh, the smell of soil and sap soothing after all the years they’d put in out here. Still cool enough to enjoy every moment.

When she glance over she caught Catra staring at her dreamily, and got to watch her blush terribly as she whipped around to pretend she hadn't been a lovesick fool.

“Oh, see something you like miss?” Glimmer gently looped the reins around her saddle horn. Star Wind weren’t going nowhere she weren’t meant to go, allowing Glimmer to fully face her fiance in her side saddle.

Catra’s blush only worsened as she coughed, “MMMmmm, lots of them cute lil chipmunks ‘sall.”

There really were a lot of them this year weren’t there? The little stripped and spotted creatures darting erratically on the tree trunks and across the ground. Their poofy little tails almost looking like they was floating with how they moved. They were _ darling _ little things in her opinion, but she wasn’t going to let an opportunity roll by.

“Now just who do you think you’re calling a chipmunk?”

“What!? No! You-ugh!”

Oh she was really off her game wasn’t she?

“Me?” Glimmer asked, faking wide eyes and trying to look hurt. “You’re calling_ me_ a chipmunk? That’s it, wedding's cancelled.”

“Hey!” Catra laughed, nudging Captain over so their legs nearly brushed. “Don’t say that, how can I make it up to you?”

Glimmer smirked, leaned forward, waited until Catra was leaning over to give her a kiss before she walloped her arm good with a cackle.

“Ow! Glimmer, what the fuck? Damn! Here I am trying to be nice and you hit me?”

Glimmer punched her again, “That’s two for whining.”

Catra growled her annoyance to the tree tops before picking up Captain’s pace with her shoulder’s hiked up to her ears.

“Aw, don’t be a sore loser darlin’!” Glimmer happily jeered, knowing full well that Catra wouldn’t actually race ahead. “Think of it this way, I’m no longer mad at you fer calling me a chipmunk!”

Catra’s whole head rolled with what she could only assume was her eyes, but she still waited for Glimmer to catch up before smiling at her evilly. “That’s alright my lil ground squirrel I’ll find other things t’ call ya.”

“No, wait, don’t do this.” Glimmer begged far too late as she realized her grave mistake.

“My little honey badger.”

“Catra!”

“My nickering foal.”

“No, that’s awful!”

“My vicious bitely mountain lion.”

Glimmer shuddered, “Oh do not even joke about them!”

“My yowling coyote!” Catra cackled dodging Glimmer ineffective swipes. “M-my plump goldfinch!”

“D’riluth I am going to **hurt you**!”

Catra tried a few more times to talk, but was too busy laughing and gripping at her ribs to say much beyond the occasional wheezed, “I can’t breathe!”

“Then do us a favor and don’t,” Glimmer huffed, blushing and frazzled, and painfully aware that she did look like a poofed up bird of some kind at this point. She still took the time to fully enjoy watching Catra laugh and smile. She could listen to that laugh forever, never truly able to stay mad when the love of her life was so quick to find humor in any situation. Catra's face went in and out of shadow as they rode, her cheeks slowly turned into hibiscus blooms. Oh gosh, she was really falling in love again wasn’t she? Glimmer smiled softly, tears gathering in her eyes. “Hey. I love you.”

Catra’s bashful grin was its own reward, but the way she whispered, “I love you.” would never stop turning her legs to jelly and heart into the sun.

They spent the rest of the ride holding hands, giggling like they were children in on a good joke. It felt like she was in a dream and Glimmer could not have been more grateful that she’d never wake up.

With their horses left in her mother’s fenced yard, they strolled arm in arm to the station. When Catra tried to pull away before the last turn, Glimmer only clung tighter. Pressing a reassuring kiss to her collar to seal the deal. Angella smiled when they came through the door, Catra holding it open for Glimmer before shutting it to the hustle and noise outside.

It felt like the blink of an eye. One moment they were standing together preparing for the day ahead, and the next they were sitting down at Angella’s table for supper.

And no matter how relaxed and confident Glimmer had been the night before, she could now say that Catra’s day long anxiety had fully rubbed off on her. The two of them sat rigid and wooden, a respectable distance between them as Angella sat patiently across from them. Her mother’s gaze was narrowed in calculation, no doubt trying to guess what had the two of them acting so strange. The only real relief coming from Miss Baker and Mister Pop teasing her mercilessly for not stopping by to have a meal or say hello, which Glimmer happily accepted in place of her growing nerves.

And the generous serving of summer vegetable soup, heavy on the corn and light on the carrots, certainly helped her disposition.

“So,” Angella started, “how have things been?”

There was an awkward pause. What hadn’t they told her about besides the whole ‘we’ve accidentally been dating in secret and got engaged and forgot to tell you sorry’ business?

“Good,” Catra dipped a chunk of buttered bread to soak up the broth still in her bowl. “Saw some chipmunks on the way in this morning, real cute like.”

Glimmer kicked her under the table with a glare, but Catra’s grin only got wider. Oh she was not getting away with that. “And some beautiful flowers are blooming out there too.”

Catra’s boot side made a soft thunking sound as she tried to kick at Glimmer and hit the chair leg instead. Now that was some sweet, sweet validation.

“It does sound lovely,” Angella sighed wistfully. “There is a lot of beauty out here, but I do miss the flower gardens back home. Did I ever tell you about how Micha was shocked at just how many types my father grew?”

Glimmer rolled her eyes, she sure had. About a million times! But Catra looked interested and shook her head. Mister Pop whisked away their empty bowls, leaving small plates of smoked tongue with arugula and horseradish behind. So Glimmer happily concentrated on that instead.

“Oh my Micha, he’d seen green of course, he’d guarded sheep flocks before. But he was still surprised when we landed at how much green there was in general in England. He had just barely gotten over that when we made it home and the carriage passed through the family garden. He looked at me like a child outside a sweet shop,” Angella chuckled, chin resting on the back of her hands. “Poor man nearly vibrated out of his skin between the excitement and the nerves!”

Glimmer squinted at her plate. Wait just a cotton picking minute, wasn’t this the same story about-

“Oh? Why was he nervous?” Catra asked, playing right into her mother’s hands.

Angella smiled at both of them before replying, “Well he’d never met my parents before, and the poor man felt very strongly about asking them permission to marry me.”

Catra choked on her bite of food, smacking her fist against her chest a few times while Glimmer stared in horror. Oh no. What if? No! No!? How could she possible know!? No! There was no way she could have found out! This was, Glimmer thought, heart beating wildly in her chest, this was just a strange coincidence!

Mister Pop appeared from thin air to take their plates away, returning to leave the entree of patty cases and grilled fish without a word.

Angella simply smiled blandly as she sipped at her wine, allowing them both a chance to calm down. “They said yes, of course, I’d been writing with them almost constantly telling them all about the Mister Moon who was sweeping me handily off my feet. Mother was just happy to see us so happy. Of course, I hadn’t known then that he planned on proposing to me there. The sly dog convinced me to walk the gardens with him, I was just giddy to watch him so enamored with my father’s work I didn’t think twice about it.”

Catra gulped down her wine desperately, almost choking again in her haste.

“He had this whole speech about how beautiful everything was, and how he was not surprised that I was twice as gorgeous as where I came from,” Angella laughed, eyes soft and distant. “And then he pulled out his grandmother’s bracelet and asked me to marry him right there. It was perfect!”

Glimmer sighed contentedly, alright she made a fuss about hearing it but each time was just as sweet as the last. 

“Of course then it did start raining, which put a little pause on things as we rushed inside.”

“It’s, uh,” Catra started with all the grace of a drunken bull, “it’s funny that’s how it happened, actually. Because, uh, we- well, we, uhm…”

Catra looked at her for help but it was, first of all, too much fun to watch her flounder and second of all Glimmer thought she might be having a heart attack herself.

“It’s just, very similar to something we’ve been, uhm, damn! I mean dang!? Why is it so hot in here?”

Angella looked slowly between them, and Catra was looking ready to die by any means she could quickly get her hands on.

“What we’re trying to say,” Glimmer half shouted, coughed, cleared her throat, and started again at a more appropriate volume, “is that we’ve been, well, together. As a couple. For, uh, several years actually.”

Catra looked at once relieved to not be the one trying to explain, and also horrified at her bluntness. Like she'd been doing any better!

Angella blinked rapidly, looking between them again before taking a deep breath and Glimmer panicked. “ANYWAYS we’realsoengagednowandCatraproposedlastyearandwearesosorrywedidn’ttellyou!”

Catra turned slowly to look at her with one eye twitching. Glimmer could almost hear her voice in her head. _ What in tarnation d’you think you’re doing!? _ She tried to smile but more grimaced back at her.

Angella coughed, knocking gently on the table top to get their attention again. “I, first of all, I appreciate that you told me this. But...I do apologize, but did you honestly think I didn’t know that you two have been courting one another?”

“Kill me now,” Catra hissed under her breath, deflating in her seat.

“I’m more offended that you thought I wouldn’t notice after you two moved in together. Also,” Angella paused to take another bite of her meal, swallowing before continuing, “I work with you both every day of the week. I sit next to you and between you. Your flirting hasn’t exactly been-”

“Mom!” Glimmer begged her to stop.

“-subtle. It’s not exactly a strong suit for either of you really.”

Catra’s hollow gaze turned to her meal before she began to mechanically shovel it into her face. Glimmer glared at her because how dare she use food as an excuse to leave this whole thing up to her.

“Besides,” Angella continued after taking a sip of her wine, “you really thought Adora or Bow could keep a secret from me? Catra, I know you wanted to talk to me before your trip, and I do apologize. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did and prevented us from having that discussion.”

Glimmer could not believe that both of her very dear friends were now **dead to her**. Tragically, tragically **murdered**. “They never told me that!”

Angella lifted a brow. “Did you ever ask them?”

“No! Why would I think to ask, oh by the way did you happen to break Catra’s _ trust _by telling my mother before she could!?”

Angella sighed, “Glimma…”

Catra suddenly smacked a hand over her face, before slowly speaking, “Are you telling me that each time I got nervous and they told me not to worry, it’s because they already told you and knew the answer?”

“Well, that does sound rather bad when you say it like that,” Angella conceded, before continuing, “Anyways I have some ideas for the wedding if you’d like the input of an old biddy. Also, please tell me you haven’t told anyone else? That I’m technically the first person. I would be so very hurt as your mother if you had told someone else, not that I have anyone in mind in particular.”  
  
Glimmer rolled her eyes, not falling for her act one bit. “No mother, I did not tell aunt Casta yet.”   
  
“Excellent!” Her mother’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I do...enjoy your aunt’s...lively company, but she can be a bit...well, you know your aunt.”

And in that moment, Glimmer suddenly realized with building dread that she was going to have to tell her aunt Castaspella about this. That she was going to have to kindly but firmly decline her aunt’s offers to plan every last detail. Repeatedly. Oh. _ Oh no_.

“What’s, uh, what’s wrong with her?” Catra asked nervously.

“Nothing!” Angella practically yelped, fingers tapping at the table before caving instantly, “It’s just that when Micah and I married, Castaspella took over the whole thing and planned out her perfect wedding and I _ appreciate _ the effort she put in!”

Her and Glimmer spoke at the same time, Angella with a manic edge and Glimmer with terror. “She just made it for herself first.”

“Yes, exactly.” Angella looked almost relieved that Glimmer remembered. Then tried to backtrack. “Not that I think she’ll do that to you two! Only that she’s a bit...persistent.”

“Glimmer,” Catra looked at her, alarm bells ringing in both their heads, “would you do me the honor of eloping tonight and we can tell her afterwards?”

“It’s not _ that _bad.” Angella chuckled as if she had not been complaining about this exact issue for over twenty five years. “Also I forbid it. Which I can do! As Glimmer’s mother!”

“Maybe, maybe if we plan it all out before we tell her,” Glimmer began hopefully, before groaning and slumping in her chair, “UGH! No, then she’d just undo all our work and that would be worse. Well! At least we have some time to come up with a plan!”

Catra glared at her, “Because we can’t do nothing without a hullabaloo?”

“Yes! And also at this rate we’ll actually get married with canes to hold us up.”

Catra threw her hands in the air, “We don’t move _that_ slowly!”  
  
“Ten years!?” Glimmer said incredulously.

“We didn’t even-”

“Five years for you to just admit-”

“Like you’re any better!”

Angella watched as the two of them bickered, only sighing and pulling the bell to let Mr. Pop know they’d need another bottle of wine and hopefully she could warn Miss Baker to delay dessert if possible. If there was anything she’d learned about her daughter and her someday to be daughter-in-law, it was that their fighting could make even a simple task convoluted. He’d barely entered with the next bottle before looking at them, leaving, and returning to place two bottles of wine on the table. They shared a quick smile as he left for the kitchen.

Luckily the whole thing was not noticed by the betrothed, that would have been its own disaster.

So Angella refilled her glass and sat back to wait. After all, she had not been holding onto her suggestions for almost a year just to be accidentally railroaded!

“Oh don’t you dare D’riluth!”

“OOOooooohhh, you gonna stop me, chip-OW!” Catra jumped in her seat as Glimmer's kick managed to land in the already tender spot she'd kicked earlier.

“Serves you right!” Glimmer crowed viciously.

“Are you two quite finished?” Angella asked, somehow equally amused and bemused by the fight. “I do have a few suggestions of my own if I may. Now, first of all, have you chosen when you want to marry?”

Catra paled and looked like she was gonna be sick, “Why does that matter?”

“Well...it will affect who will be able to come out for the whole affair. Although I’m sure some will send congratulations or gifts no matter what.”

“L-like, wait, come out, as in, come out here?” Catra looked at them both confused.

“Yes?” Glimmer shared a look with her mom. “You know, as guests?”

Catra covered her face and groaned into her hands, “Why is it, every time I think I’ve finally understood this place, y’all make things more complicated?”

“Wait, what? Catra, what did you think a marriage ceremony would be like?”

She threw her hands in the air, “I don't know! We didn’t do stuff like this back in the Hor- look, it was kind of a messed up- that’s not the point! Ugh! Ain’t nobody got married in my old family okay? It was religious phooey or another.”

Glimmer was gobsmacked. It was always pulling teeth to learn much about Catra’s family, and just knowing this she was starting to understand why. No one was allowed to marry the person they loved? “Well that hain’t fair!”

Catra looked at her, face shadowed for just a moment before she smiled weakly. “Not much was with them. I uh, learned about it from some dime novels one of the guys hauled around with him.” She blushed terribly, shrugging her shoulders at her plate as Angella pushed a tumbler of wine over to her. With the most adorably embarrassed voice Glimmer had ever heard, Catra mumbled, “Sounded nice.”

Well that certainly put Catra’s over the top proposal into better perspective considering her only reference had been those trashy novels!

Heart feeling fit to burst, Glimmer took pity on her amazing, stupid, brilliant, beautiful, sweet, and sappy finance. “Awww, you really like me, huh?”

It got the surprised laugh she wanted, so that was a win.

“Well then,” Angella lifted her glass with a smile, “congratulations to the happy couple, and here’s to doing things in your own way. And time.”

“Mother!”

Miss Baker and Mister Pop suddenly burst from around the corner with a loaded tray. Blancmange with raisins, apricots and almonds, and assorted candied peels. A pot of coffee carried carefully as they quickly switched out the half eaten entrees for the lavish dessert course. Both of them pausing to give Glimmer a half hug in her chair; Miss Baker giggled as she pinched her cheek.

“Oh my god,” Catra moaned, “how were you better prepared for this than we were? Don’t answer that.”

Angella smirked from the rim of her glass. “You say that as if there isn’t port and cake after this.”

“Oh god!” 

Glimmer laughed, lifted her wine and unhelpfully added, “I’ll toast to that.”

Catra’s insistence that she hated them both was tempered by her grin and blush, and all was forgiven by the meal’s end. “Someone’s gonna have to roll me out of here.”

Glimmer chuckled, “Oh I can think of a few ways to do that.”

“You see, this, right here?” Angella said with a lifted brow, “Not subtle.”

Which was more than enough to get them both fleeing out the door giggling in mortification.

“Have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow, we can plan more then! Be safe! I love you!”

Catra was laughing too hard to open the stall doors, and Glimmer was laughing too hard to get up on Star Wind the first few attempts as Angella waited patiently to wave goodbye to them. 

All in all, it had gone rather well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed, seeing as it's going to be sad and angry glitra hours for...a while. :'D
> 
> (also let me know if the spacing is wonkalicious, it seemed extra kerfuckity when I put it in and I think I caught everything, but we all know that the best time to catch every mistake you've made in a fic is after you've posted!)


	9. Them's The Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra finally tries to open up about her past. It doesn't go well. At all, at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A gentle reminder that this fic is half angst/whump and to double check those tags. Catra is...not well y'all. Welcome to the start of the pain train portion of this fic. You're, uh, welcome?
> 
> CW: panic attack, self harm, self loathing, vomiting (mention), violence, semi-graphic depictions of violence, child abuse, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts
> 
> Thank you to [dragonesdepapel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonesdepapel/pseuds/dragonesdepapel) for beta reading this chapter!

It was almost ironic that barely a few days after their dinner with Angella, Catra had found herself once again tied up in knots over her now year old engagement.

She’d been chopping up a bit of pork to make a stew, fully enjoying the quiet and repetition of the task. Letting her mind wander wherever it wanted to, and following with no complaint. Her and Glimmer had talked more about what to expect with a wedding, something Catra was becoming more comfortable with, and they’d started to put a list of guests together. At the time, when Glimmer had asked, “_ Is there anyone you want to invite? _” she shook her head. Adora and Bow were gonna be there already, and ain’t no one else needed to be there for Catra. Glimmer hadn’t pushed for more, and all was well.

But now, knife in hand as she worked, Catra suddenly did think of someone. _ Would be nice to have Scorpia there. _

Suddenly the raw meat looked like fingers and Catra found herself shaking as she did a double take to find the cubed pork and bones sitting there benignly. Her stomach ached and chest felt hollow as she breathed slowly in and out to calm down. Wasn’t like she could actually invite her old friend. And not like anyone from the Horde could find her even if she _ could _ invite Scorpia. So why was she nervous? Not a soul from her old life knew where she was, for better or for worse. Catra had managed to focus and work for another few minutes before the shaking came back worse.

_ Glimmer doesn’t know. _

The knife had slipped right out of her hand. Glimmer didn’t know. About her. About the Horde. Glimmer didn’t know because Catra had been lying.

_ What will you say when they find you? _ That damn witch asked from beyond the grave. A smile twisting on her face, somehow more cruel than it ever had been in life. _ What will they do when they finally catch up to you? Nothing good I fear. _

It had been a long time since she’d thought about that last bit. A constant worry those first few years in town, it had faded slowly as time passed without so much as a peep from them. Her nervousness that someone would figure it out was almost as bad. As if anyone could look at her and know she’d once had wings. As if the Horde would waste it’s efforts to find one worthless, pathetic runaway. If they were gonna look for her, they’d have found her by now. _ But Hordak never forgives a grudge. _ She shivered even in the summer heat, even by the stove.

She’d left for a damn good reason, even if she hadn’t ever intended to. And she’d never told Glimmer, and that left Glimmer vulnerable...because of her.

“Shit,” Catra stumbled back a half step and sank into a crouch on the floor. Hands fisted in her hair despite the blood and gristle on them. _ Why? Why do you need to tell her anything? She doesn’t know, it’s fine! Hordak might kill you on sight, but you know they ain’t expanding this way. She doesn’t need to know! _ That wasn’t fair though. That wasn’t fair to her or her mother. To tie them to a marked woman. Her life might be expendable, but their’s certainly weren’t. _ Glimmer would kill me for that, she’d say mine is worth something. _ Catra chuckled roughly, almost wheezing as she choked all those tangled thoughts off. “Shit. Later. Think on it _ later _”

She had managed to get herself under control, stand up, and get back on task. She’d even managed to smile and tease and generally harass Glimmer for the rest of the evening.

She had not, however, managed to get a wink of sleep, instead she stared at the star painted sky out their open window. Every worst case scenario running through her mind, until she’d slipped out of bed to throw up outside. Catra wasn’t sure how she’d managed the next day, only that the second night she’d fallen asleep to nightmares of what Hordak would do to Glimmer if he caught them. 

It had been Prime, back when he’d been alive, who’d set the rules against the weakness of love and kindness, but when Hordak took over he didn’t let up one bit. He nearly doubled down in some bid to please the ghost of his brother. She could still remember when she was twelve, the night he made an example of two boys just a few years older than her for the grave crime of loving one another. 

It took hours before their screaming went silent.

Catra had stumbled that night on weak legs, set her bag between two of the boys she’d seen kissing that very same day and didn’t sleep. They snuck away in the night, having watched two of their own choke on their own blood. They had ignored what was true and right. So she’d gone and spit fire the next morning. Viciously attacked them, daring them to be stupid enough to get caught. A lot of her motivations back then had been a might too tied up in other people’s desires, but that one had been some twisted desire to help. Fat lotta good that had done.

Hordak had noticed her shortly after. God knows why he’d finally noticed her then, but at the time it had felt like a sign that her hard work was going to be rewarded. And she’d happily clawed her way up the ranks for the next several years, having been given just the barest of opportunities. Using her power to tighten the screws and left shocked when the two she’d tried to protect never returned from a low risk robbery. At the time she’d assumed they’d abandoned her like cowards, never once believing the rumors that they’d fled to protect themselves. “_ I think they cared for one another.” _ Catra almost killed the poor bastard who dared to sneer about her crew like that. 

It was only now, with years to soften her and the love of her life waking her up each morning that Catra suddenly understood it. She hoped those two boys were in love. She hoped they got far away and were never caught. She hoped they were happy and free.

Catra tried to convince herself that their assumed success boded well for her own. She just needed to work through this and keep her mouth shut. So she said nothing, awake all day and all night.

Until that collapsed in on her as well.

The fourth night of nightmares in a row found Glimmer trying to pry the problem out of her to no avail. They’d fought all day, simmering with resentment as they worked and dead silent at home. The fifth night Glimmer stayed up with her the whole night through, not asking anything just being there. Angella saw the bags under their eyes and the exhaustion in their souls and sent them home for three days rest.

“_ And don’t come back until you are able to focus, you hear? _” It was done because Angella cared about them, loved them. It made Catra want to scream.

Catra knew she was hurtling head first towards a cliff. One of her own accidental making. Like she’d set to dig a post hole and finished with a canyon. Not telling them was killing her faster than any noose could. The guilt of understanding what hiding it meant, the shame of knowing she’d waited too long to explain.

She **had** to tell them. It was the right thing to do.

It burned.

She waited on that first day, still trying to find the right time, knowing it needed to be during this imposed break. Sooner the better. Catra repeated that to herself as she trashed awake so violently that she nearly punched Glimmer. God help her, she needed to pry her stubborn mouth open! The sooner, the better. Breakfast came and went with little fanfare, and by then Catra knew she'd waited too long. Still not too late...but almost. So instead she made another pot of coffee, splashed some whiskey into their mugs and gone to sit on the porch steps. She had the best of intentions but even the few minutes alone left her dead eyed and lost to the world. Not even snapping at Glimmer’s hovering just...not having the energy for it knowing what she needed to do. 

Glimmer still sat next to her on the steps, bitterly nursing her own mug, each sip she took sounded like a scream. Like she knew and was disappointed that she wouldn’t admit to it. _ We know all, _ ** _see_ ** _ all. _ Catra was wearing her patience thin, too thin. Patience of a saint! Still a human. Why was this so hard? She’d gotten better right? She was better than this, right? _ No helping those who do not wish to be helped. _

“You know,” Glimmer started, her tone unnaturally even and worse for it, “you do better when ya tell me what’s wrong. And then I can help. In fact, we both do better when we’re talking.”

Her hands shook violently, hot coffee sloshed over the edges and burned. _ Wasteful. _ But she didn’t put it down. The sooner, the better. Her voice was somehow a croak and a whisper, “I know.”

Glimmer gave her a dry glare and blew some hair out of her face in frustration, but when Catra didn’t continue- couldn’t continue, she turned away with a scoff. _ Well? Speak up. _ Which somehow hurt worse. Was there an upper limit to pain before you just died of it? She couldn’t keep fucking this up. She promised she wouldn’t go hurting Glimmer on purpose no more, but here she was hurting Glimmer Moon in the hopes it would save Catra herself from pain. _ Pathetic little beast. _ Before she could open her mouth Glimmer was facing her again, the hardness gone and replaced with something softer and open. 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m not, I swear I’m not mad atcha. I’m just…” Glimmer took a slow sip before continuing, “I’m just scared for you is all. I wish you’d talk to me. I hate seeing you hurt.”

Catra couldn’t contain a single manic bark of laughter. Scared for her? Scared **for** her? She didn’t know, she couldn’t know! She had to know, had to understand. And Catra was scared, god almighty she was scared. _ Cowardice seems to suit you so well. _ No! _ You think you can be something more? Ha! I’ll believe it when I see it. _ She would, she would, she would. This was the biggest one. The biggest leap of faith. This was practically what all her little concessions had been for! Training for. Finally sharing the truth the way she’d promised five years back. The truth that Glimmer had never pushed her on, no matter how curious she obviously was. 

This wasn’t about Catra. It was about Glimmer and Angella and keeping her family safe. “I...I know. I just need tuh...to find the words? It ain’t gonna be good. Ain’t pretty.”

She took a moment to try and collect herself, closed her eyes. What if Glimmer hated her? What if this ruined it? _ These things aren’t meant for a mongrel like you. _ Hell, killing that lug at the bank had almost ruined it, what would she say when-when-when- Catra took a slow deep breath with her eyes still closed. That was a mistake. The burning in her hands, the soreness in her limbs, the smell of alcohol and sweat. It was so nostalgically familiar. Disgustingly too familiar and-

_ Catra might have been thirteen years old, but she wasn’t an idiot, she knew that the Horde wasn’t exactly a happy perfect family the way Hordak tried to portray them to outsiders. They were a gang. A good one too. She’d technically helped with bank robberies and one time even played the role of a kidnapping victim on a train. They weren’t good people, they were the bad guys. Every last one of them; rotten to the core. _

_ But that night was the first time Catra had gone with Hordak for any job. “A simple debt collection,” he’d said, no more explanation than that. Nothing to worry about. _

_ She was so _ ** _fucking_ ** _ stupid. _

_ The man didn’t have their money, and his wife and kid didn’t either. Catra thought that Hordak would have her help beat them up a bit, maybe trash their house or steal some of their possessions back. _ A simple debt collection. _ Ha! _

_ “These ropes,” Hordak growled, glaring at her, “should be tighter.” _

_ “Yes sir,” Catra nodded, quickly going to fix her mistake. The kid was crying but she’d gagged him easily enough. His mama watched as Catra tightened the bindings. Her eyes shifting through too many unknown emotions for Catra to hold her gaze. Kid was younger’n 10 for sure, built like a soft breeze would hurl him right over. Even with his bindings tied loose enough to not cut off circulation he weren’t going nowhere. She still tied him tighter. _

_ “Please,” the man pleaded, not to Hordak but directly to her. The hair on her neck stood on end and she shoved the twisted knot in her stomach down. “Please, I’ll have the money next week I swear to you! I swear it!” _

_ She ignored him the best she could. _

_ Hordak double checked her work and nodded with approval, before putting a hand on her shoulder and pulling her to the middle of the room. Dead center between all three members of that little family. “Alright now Catra, take this.” _

_ She could hear alarm bells in her head. One of the first rules everyone learned was to not use anyone’s real name on the job. Someone could remember it, use it to find them, use it to kill them. Real names meant more killing, meant more attention. She glanced nervously at the woman and man, even as she took the revolver from Hordak’s hand- _

Catra blinked hard, stared into her mug and watched the ripples on its surface with a detached interest. Huh. Damn. That was fucking vivid. She was not in a great place, was she? Two gentle, warm hands tugged until she let go, putting the coffee aside.

“Hey, seriously, what’s wrong?” Glimmer asked with big, sad eyes and no clue who she was sitting with. “You can tell me, I swear it.”

“Yeah,” Catra swallowed hard, her throat too tight and dry to choke much more past. She was going to have to do it. She had to do this. She couldn’t let this come back to haunt her, she wouldn’t let it ruin everything she’d earned. It was terrifying, but if she meant it, if she meant that she’d do better, she needed to get to getting. “I need to...before this moves forward any further, you need to know the truth about me. The whole truth.”

Glimmer’s smile vanished, tone serious when she spoke and rubbed Catra’s arm. “Okay, but nothing you say is gonna change anything.”

“Don’t say that!” She hadn’t meant to shout, but Catra could feel her emotions boiling over. She jumped to her feet, practically ripping her arm away from Glimmer. Away from comfort as she stalked inside, only half aware of Glimmer cautiously following her. “That’s the sort of shit that just brings it all down! I can’t-oh hell!”

She was being ridiculous, right? There’s a small part of her that whispered while she paced. _ You are spiraling out of control. You’re safe, Glimmer loves you, and you love her. You will work this out but you can’t do that if you don’t calm down and talk. _

Catra hated it. Because it was right. Because she couldn’t seem to do anything about it. Because Glimmer looked scared and she can’t tell if it’s for her still, or because of her erratic behavior. _ The sooner, the better. _

_ Put up or shut up D’riluth. _

“That family I found? I lied. They found me. I had parents and they died, and my new _ family _,” She spit that word like the curse her whole childhood felt like, “Weren’t no family a’tall. They were a gang. A very violent gang Glimmer, that’s who raised me. When, when I said, when-when I said I’d done dangerous things...ha! I’ve done worse.”

Glimmer’s voice was brittle when she tried to interrupt, “Catra-”

But she knew what Glimmer would say. She’d try to argue that Catra had been too young to know, or that she was misunderstood, or that her past mistakes didn’t define her as if most of her life hadn’t even happened. Little wisps of smoke scattering through bright green leaves. She didn’t understand, she didn’t know so she couldn’t- “NO! You don’t understand! I’m not a good person!”

“Like hell you ain’t!”

“YOU THINK THAT ROBBER WAS THE FIRST!?” Catra panted for breath, like she’d been running for hours instead of barely talking for three minutes. Shaking and shaking as she stared Glimmer down, knowing that look of shock would be seared in her mind forever. “‘Cause he wasn’t! I’ve been on the other side of that bullshit, and I- fuck that’s not even covering the shake downs and scams and more! I don’t even know how many people I’ve wronged Glimmer. I don’t even…”

She was gasping for air, feeling light headed, feeling out of control like she hadn’t been in a long time. _ What if the monster comes back? I wonder what it’d do to her? _ She had to keep that part of her leashed, she had to. She had to.

When Glimmer spoke, it was with such conviction that Catra had to stop and look at her. “You aren’t with them anymore, and they ain’t you.” 

She wanted to agree, to plead her case, but instead hysterical laughter poured out. She laughed hard enough that she almost fell over, forced to drop into a squat or collapse on the floorboards. Catra cradled her head in her hands as she ‘calmed’ enough to speak. “You don’t get it. No one ever really leaves. You can get out, sure, if’n you’re stupid and lucky enough. But you don’t ever just...stop being what they made you into.”

“Hog’s wash-”

“Have you ever heard of Heaven’s Horde?” Catra waited to make sure Glimmer wouldn’t try and spin this into some heroic tale, almost enjoying the look of hatred that crossed her face. Her ‘family’ was infamous, known for their sadistic violence. _ You liked it when you were on top. _ Glimmer had to really and truly know who she was, who she’d always be. “Not surprised. They got driven outta lot of places. I had to run past a few state _ lines _ to get away, but you don’t grow up with them and just not…”

“You were part of the Horde.” Glimmer’s voice was ragged. The conviction gone and replaced with all the fragility and sharpness of glass.

It’s funny, the way certain things, innocuous things, could take her whole existence and throw it on it’s damned head.

It was like coming out of a daze. Like surfacing from underwater. Catra can feel it in the air, the way her whole world is suddenly tilting dangerously on its side. A train flying too fast around the tracks and ready to derail. She’d known better than to do it like this. Why did she do it like this? Why couldn’t she just keep her damn mouth shut and be happy? Why does she have to ruin every_ good thing in her life _? “G-Glimmer?”

“The Horde,” she whispered, eyes going colder than ice and harder than steel, “killed my father.”

Catra’s ears rang, her chest hurt, and the **world** was ending. She had fallen down into an endless pit. There were no stars left in the damn sky. _ This can’t be happening. Please, please this can’t be _ ** _happening to me_ ** . _ I’m doing the right thing! Please! _ There was no recovering for that! There was no taking back Micah Moon’s death!

“Glim-”

“Stop! Just...stop.” Glimmer turned away and stared out the window. They both stayed where they were, silent as the grave before Glimmer jerked towards the front door.

Catra’s throat constricted, trying to choke her out right there. “Where, where are you-?”

Glimmer stepped over the threshold, one hand gripping the door when she turned to look at Catra on the floor. The glance took a split second, and it felt like getting shot. The rage in her normally sweet eyes burning hot like tar before Glimmer looked away.

“I’m going for a walk. I can’t...I can’t look at you right now. I _ will _ come back later, I just…” And with that she left, shutting the door nice and quiet and gentle.

Somehow it’s worse. It was so much worse.

Catra doesn’t know how long she stayed there on the floor, at some point she rocked backwards and sat down. Just stared at the door unblinking, not even crying as her body went fuzzy and numb. _ So that was that. That’s how it all ends. _ Had the front door always looked so strange? Too brown to be brown, too perfectly cut to be real? _ You need to lie down. _ That sounded like a good idea, not that she could listen even if she’d wanted to. Catra stayed on the floor, sitting upright as she felt the whole earth rotated jarringly beneath her palms. The streaks of light coming through the windows changing position every time she blinked. It took a long time to swim through the molasses her mind had become, and when she did it came with clarity.

“Glimmer hates me.” She hadn’t even meant to say it, but there it was. Just facts in the open. _ You don’t know that. _ But she **did** , and anyone with a lick of sense would too. _ She told you to stop assuming. _ It wasn’t assumed if it was true. _ “I can’t _ ** _look at you_ ** _ right now!” _ Her voice rang almost crystal clear in her mind through the silence of their house. She’d left. She couldn’t stand her, so she left. “G-Glimmer huh-hates me?”

In a strange way she almost felt calm, nearly in control. Like watching someone else pitifully crying on the floor. Wait. Was she crying? She lifted a hand to her face to feel. Ah. For another eternal moment she stayed there not thinking or feeling or existing. Oh, she finally thought to herself, oh these weren’t normal shakes were they? 

Catra gasped as she slammed back into her body. Unable to breathe through the sobbing and the panic, crying miserably onto the dusty floorboards. Her back hurt and her head hurt, and she felt like throwing up. Her ass was dead asleep and hips complaining from all the weight she’d started leaning on them. She deserved it. Small prices to pay for breaking Glimmer’s heart all over again.

_ “Next time will be the last. You can’t go breaking my heart again.” _

If she’d just kept her stupid mouth **shut** \- Catra howled, stumbling to her feet, she stumbled and found herself punching at the wall until she remembered she wasn’t supposed to do that. Break things when she was mad, it wasn’t right. So she pulled at her hair and scratched at her neck as she lost her mind. She was so fucking STUPID. Always so stupid and pathetic, knowing that it was gonna hurt and poking at it like she needed to be reminded how awful she was and how horrible it would all go. A whimpering animal! What was the fucking point if her life was nothing but mistake after mistake? She’d gotten to the highest high and made the mistake of wanting things that _ humans _ have, that real people deserved and things like her should never covet! She thought she’d beat the monster inside when there was no other magical being existing inside her chest. Just her. Just her and she’d finally been ready to show the worst parts of herself and-and-and she didn’t even get to! She didn’t even explain a god damned thing because even the barest glimpse brought Glimmer to her senses. Fuck. FUCK!

She stumbled, unaware of where she was beyond trying to keep her violence contained where it wouldn’t hurt anyone or anything important. Catra didn’t stop until her fingers wouldn’t flex and dig in anymore. Didn’t stop until she’d run through it fully, the emotions running hot and thick. Even then she stayed still afraid to move. If she moved she would lose the few fragile bits of herself she had left. 

But she needed to go. 

She needed to leave. Now. 

She’d ruined everything because that’s what happens. Adding Catra never added value, it only made things worse. Spread the rot. No. No, not her. Life. The universe. Ha! Mostly her wasn’t it? She stuttered a half laugh, wheezing as she tried to understand what she was looking at in her hands and where she even was in the house. She’d, she’d moved hadn’t she? 

She couldn’t quite remember. 

It didn’t matter.

Why would it matter what she did when everything always went wrong in the end? Why did...why…Glimmer hated her and couldn’t stand to even be near her. Couldn’t look at her. Why did it always…?

Catra’s eyes closed shut so hard she could hear thunder rumbling between her ears. She managed to hiss between clenched teeth. Not anything she’d meant to say. A pathetic little plea to nothingness. “Please come back.” 

It didn’t help. She gasped for air. She wanted to die. She wanted to die! There was no coming back from this, it had been inevitable and she couldn’t, she couldn’t do this again! She couldn’t! The giving up on everything, giving up everything she had. Starting over. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t! No point to it. No point when the same problem always came back. She could take care of the problem though, she’d always been someone’s problem after all. But she couldn’t take care of it here, she couldn’t do it here. No...that would, that would piss Glimmer off worse having to clean up the leftover bits. She couldn’t inconvenience her like that. Not again. Not after everything she’d already put her through. _ Who could she have been if you’d finished the job right the first time? _

She tried to breathe, to reason with herself, to find something to hold onto.

But nearly a week without rest and the cold hard truth certainly set her head on straight. _ She couldn’t see the surface, couldn’t see the light, just cold cold cold dark dark dark and she couldn’t breathe. _ Catra gasped, fingers twisting deeper into the solid/soft/rough _ thing _ in her hands. What the hell was she holding? Some cloth? A creamy off white thing with shiny spots on it. _ Their skin was ashy white at the edges of the burn, a ring of shiny little blisters just past that. _ Catra coughed and gagged, and knew she was overreacting. That had been years ago, she should be over it by now. _ You always do this, can you not control yourself? _ Like a little child. _ Disgusting. _ She just needed to stop. Simple as that. _ Are you proud, Catra? Are you proud of this behavior? _ Stop and think and leave, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then-

She didn’t want to. _ It would have been a mercy onto us all if I’d left you to die in that damn cabin! _ She had to.

“Please come back.”

It didn’t help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [That boy needs therapy...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE)
> 
> As always, come scream with me on my [tumblr](nny11writes.tumblr.com), I try to post WiPs from my active stories and I'm always open for questions and prompts.


	10. Sometimes It Breaks Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There weren’t words to describe what her daddy’s death had done to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While from Glimmer's PoV, we still have some content/trigger warnings for folks!
> 
> CW: self harm (after effects), anxiety attack, referenced violence, dissociation
> 
> Shout out to [dragonesdepapel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonesdepapel/pseuds/dragonesdepapel) for beta reading and leaving the best comment I've gotten on this fic while doing so. :D

There weren’t words to describe what her daddy’s death had done to her. 

Any attempts she’d made over the years to explain it had come out in howls and screams. Angry tears and aching jaw while justice was blind to their plight. No convictions or arrests, just a vague report and half assed wanted poster looking like every generic villain, only redeeming quality was it’s proclamation that the bastard was in Horde colors. Where Angella had folded like a bad hand of cards after Micah’s death, Glimmer had become a pack of dynamite with the detonator left in the hands of a maniac. All attempts she’d made to set things right were foiled and stopped before she’d so much as gotten out the door to find them herself, and eventually her mother decided to move their railroad’s headquarters elsewhere. A thin veil to try and cover her running away. Moving far enough away that they’d left Horde territory; which hadn’t helped a damn thing. Running  **never** helped. 

And she would never forgive her mother for that.

When she’d met Catra his death had still been young, it had, in fact, been the cause of the argument that had sent Glimmer riding off in a furious huff. Her mother’s insistence that Glimmer let go of her desire for vengeance, to accept a safe and comfortable life that she’d never asked for. It had been a two year old argument by then, one that still cut but no longer left them unable to talk for days or weeks. Still enough to leave her furious and hurt and needing space. That was why she’d ridden out. Her anger cooled to coals by the time she’d found Catra.

And rescued her. And used her as an excuse to not think about her poor daddy  _ burning alive _ while his killer walked away laughing.

It was awful knowing she’d rescued a member of that cursed gang of demons, flying their bloody red wings on pitch black flags.

She felt like she was gonna puke.

_ She should have told me, she should have told us! _ That was the thought, round and round and round.  _ She should have told  _ ** _me_ ** .

_ If she’d’ve told me, I wouldn’t have given her a chance in hell!! _ She would have happily left Catra to rot, would have gleefully taken her out to try and burn that fire of hurt out of her own heart. Instead, she’d taken her home.

Glimmer shouted wordlessly into the trees, grateful beyond words to live out in the forest where she could become deranged in peace. That’s how it felt. Like she was spiraling out of control in the safety of solitude. Muscles aching from her desire to punch and tear and shred. Skin burning hot and heart pounding like a war drum.  _ She said it herself, she was still Horde like! _

There was no conscious thought between noticing the branch on the ground and picking it up to slam into the tree it fell from over and over until it splintered under the abuse.

Her hands shook as she gasped for air.  _ I need to calm down. _ WHY THE HELL SHOULD SHE!?

Her father was dead, and Catra- Catra had been one of them! She could have helped kill him! She could have supported his killer, fed them, comforted them, laughed with them, loved them. Glimmer was  **allowed** to be angry! 

Over a decade of silently shoving her pain down for lack of an outlet and all that suffering had finally found a place to roost, exploding violently from her in bursts and waves like molten metal blistering in water.

It was as terrifying as it was freeing, a formless rage. Some small composed part of herself whispered desperately, “ _ This won’t help nothing. You need to calm down. _ ” She didn’t want to calm down, not now, not ever! But she didn’t want to be alone.  _ I wish Catra was here _ .

Glimmer hurled the bits of shattered wood still in her hands, blindly throwing it with a broken scream. 

That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? She was furious with Catra. She was scared and wanted her fiance to hold her and help her and love her. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair! To be so hurt and so in love that for the first time it felt like chains dragging her down.

_ I wish Catra was here. I hope she’s okay. _

“THIS ISN’T ABOUT HER!” Glimmer howled to the sky, furious that she even cared. Panting and huffing, desperately trying to get any air in her lungs at all. She leaned into the nearest tree, pressing her sweaty forehead into the bark, trying to focus on the small burst of pain as it dug into her instead of her aching heart. Tears fell slowly to the dirt below. “This isn’t about her!”

Damn it all to hell she was allowed to be as furious as she wanted! Catra had-Catra…

Catra had been found by them, hadn’t she? That’s what she’d said. They found her as a child. Why had she been alone as a child? What did gangs do to children who they decided to invest their efforts into them?  _ IT DOESN’T MATTER! _ But her mind was now racing in a whole new direction. How old had she been? What would it have been like to be raised by a group as violent and cruel and  **evil** as Heaven’s Horde?  _ It doesn’t matter. _ Glimmer had her mother and father till she was fifteen. Parents who loved her and cared for her, and did their best to protect her from any suffering they could. The Horde sure as shit wouldn’t a done that for Catra.  _ What did they do to her? _

Glimmer growled, softly smacking her hand on the tree trunk. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. It had nothing to do with her now broken family, and the role Catra had played no matter how small. But the longer she stood there, breathing and thinking, the more she cooled.

Glimmer whispered to herself, “This isn’t about her.”

Right?

She pushed heavily off her support, taking a moment to look up at the sky. Time had passed, more than she’d thought, but she didn’t want to go back. Not yet. Soon.  _ I just need a little more time _ . Instead she turned and began to slowly walk further away. Vowing to herself that she wouldn’t focus on it, wouldn’t let it consume her.

A course, desperate as she was to think of anything else, she couldn’t. 

Her hands shook as she swirled languidly between anger and hurt and sorrow. Never staying on any emotion long enough to do much about it. Instead she did what she often did, retreated into her head. Hashing out and planning what she’d do or say, imagining whole scenarios into existence. Some more realistic, some completely fantastical; winding herself up just to calm herself down.

She’d go back, and Catra would probably get in her face about running off; woman had a temper. She could picture it, the accusations back and forth, finding every way she could to win a fictional argument. Demanding that Catra leave. Throwing her out. The two of them screaming in one anothers faces.

Some scenarios they’d manage to talk calm like, but Catra would press and twist her words and try to argue why Glimmer wasn’t allowed to be upset. Even though she’d lied for a decade, Glimmer “couldn’t” be mad at her. HA! In those, she’d stand tall and proud as she packed her things and left. Riding away as Catra begged her to stay. Would serve her right!

In a few she tried to plan out what would happen if verbal jabs became physical blows. She weren’t as strong as Catra, but she was  _ damn  _ quick. If Glimmer snuck in the back she could grab her pistol just in case, more for insurance than anything. If they were in a fist fight, Catra was going to win. Only one time did she try to picture shooting Catra and it hurt so bad, she changed it. No, she wouldn’t have to lift her gun in self defence or try to clean up the blood or have to explain to everyone else what had happened. She’d prevent it! She would be the eye at the center of a storm. Regal and graceful, using all the tools at her disposal to threaten or defuse more than hurt. 

Each time, she tried to imagine what Catra would do. Catra apologizing. Catra Snarling. Catra begging. ...Glimmer hated them all.

So she started again, starting from the top. No, they wouldn’t fight at all! Glimmer would make sure they talked like civilized people! Or at least reach a silent agreement on what they would do. Or, or, or-   


Or maybe she’d go back and Catra would have already left, and she’d never see her again. 

The thought left her cold.  _ She wouldn’t, she wouldn’t do that _ . But what if she did? What if Glimmer would get home to find all of Catra’s things gone. Captain missing from the stable. Maybe a note left behind. She pictured it angry and full of fury before letting the image drop from her mind. Catra wouldn’t leave her a cruel note, not her stupid, lovely Catra. One last geode she’d been hiding would hold it down. Or it would be folded and left on the bed with care. What would it say? 

_ “I’m sorry.” _

That was all she could picture.

Standing alone in her bedroom reading two simple words over and over as she tried not to cry.

She didn’t want that. Glimmer swallowed a half sob, shaking her arms out and letting a slow hiss of air out between her teeth. God, she didn’t want that! She wanted this to go away! She wanted to go back to not knowing, she wished that she’d never been told!

No.

That wasn’t true.

Why did this sting like a betrayal? Catra would’ve been, what? A teenager when she ran away. The thought left her a little dizzy. She wished Catra would’ve told her sooner, would’ve said something in those first few years. But when? At what point would this admission have hit some magical sweet spot between early enough to have not been a secret and late enough that Glimmer wouldn’t have tried to outright kill her? 

There was no perfect chance. 

There was never going to be a ‘good time’ to reveal something like this. Never.

Glimmer finally stopped walking as her thoughts chugged to a clean stop, steam venting before laboriously starting up again. There would never have been a good time, but Catra had come clean before they got married. Like she wanted to give Glimmer the choice to leave or throw her away. She wiped fiercely at her eyes as the last few tears escaped. Idiot. That was just like her wasn’t it? Never thinking through what someone else might be feeling. 

Like she’d ever tell Catra to leave.

She froze up as the next thought cold clocked her.  _ Does Catra know that? _

_ Of course! _ Her heart thumped painfully. She had to know that. She had to!

Catra who thought her life was so cheap that she’d thrown herself into every possible dangerous situation in the hope of pleasing Glimmer. The same Catra who had thrown herself into the maw of a mountain lion. Who she had once seen grab a rattlesnake from behind when it had started hissing at her and then spent the next ten minutes sweating in terror unsure how to let it go safely and without injuring it. The same woman who, after the robbery, had just assumed the whole town would hate her after she’d got all that hot air out of her head. Thought that Glimmer would hate her.

Skittish Catra, who’s mind was her own worst enemy.

And Glimmer had left her home alone.

She turned back towards the house, walking slow but steady as she tempered her desire to be back with common sense. She had told Catra she’d be back and they’d talk. Yes, and that was good. Catra had almost as amazing an ability to turn every little issue into a big one as Adora, so being forthright was key. And Glimmer had told her she’d come back home.  _ No, you said you were going out because you couldn’t stand her and that you’d go back later. _ Her pace picked up as her heart began to painfully kick. Without the shock and pain of her father’s death feeling fresh in her soul to linger over her, it sounded a lot worse.  _ What if she already left? What if you can’t find her again? Would have been kinder to shoot her. _

Just like that, what little false serenity she’d mustered was gone. Replaced as always by her fear of the people she loved leaving her behind. She couldn’t lose Catra too, not after this, not like this, not like him. She couldn’t, she couldn’t!

Glimmer ran. Bones rattling with every thud in her desperate bid to get home. Good lord in heaven, how far had she walked? How long had it been?

Because this wasn’t just about Catra or just about Glimmer, this was about ** them** . 

She’d never run so damn fast in her life.

Glimmer nearly bashed the door down as she tried to stop her momentum, her shoulder ached from how hard she’d hit. She didn't care, couldn’t care right now. It opened under her rough treatment all the same, and that was all that mattered. She left it wide open as she stared at the main room where they’d parted in shock. The daguerreotype of her and her mother was on the ground, a damp patch and shards of ceramic were all that was left of her forgotten coffee. 

And blood on the clean new wall paper, red smeared over the yellow. Not a lot. Still.

“Catra!? Catra, where are you?” Glimmer shouted, hearing nothing and rushing up the stairs. Only glancing in the study before pushing on to the bedroom.  _ Thank you, thank you! _ Catra was there, standing by the closet with her work shirt in hand. Holding it so tight and taut Glimmer was surprised it hadn’t ripped wide open. There was a lone bag at her feet, nearly empty but surrounded by other random clothes. Like she’d knocked them off the hangers and hadn’t known what to do with them. “Catra?”

No response was bad. It was always bad and Glimmer hated that she’d been the cause.  _ I am allowed to be hurt! I’m allowed to be upset! Why do I always have to give in first even when I shouldn’t have to? It’s not fair, it’s not fair! _ She swallowed the thoughts and pointed words at the tip of her tongue, stumbling forward until she was in arm’s reach. 

It wasn’t fair, but she loved Catra more than she wanted to be free of responsibility. Loved her more than she hated the Horde. Loved her more than some unachievable notion of fair.

“Okay, hey, whoo!” Glimmer huffed, still trying to catch her breath from running before trying again. “Catra, I need you. I need you to come back alright?”

She inched her way around, careful to not startle the other woman, and gasped. Catra’s face and neck were covered in scratches, some faint red lines and many welling with blood. Her eyes were red and puffy and staring a thousand miles away. Whatever reservations she’d had were lost, discarded as useless, as Glimmer reached out to take Catra’s bruised and scabbing hands in her own. Not prying at her fist, but resting as she called again. “You don’t need to stay there, you’re at home. With me, Glimmer. We’re in our bedroom right now. Sun’s coming in that way you like to nap in. You’re holding your good shirt right now. Can you feel that? The shirt and the sun? I’d hold your hand if you’d let go. Can you hear me? Please. Please come home.”

It wasn’t sudden. Catra had started to blink as she’d talked, eyes darting back and forth as her breathing hitched. Her mouth moved soundlessly. Her shoulders tensed and raised, and she pulled harder at the shirt. A hiss of air almost made a word. The longer Glimmer talked the more reaction she got, so she kept talking. Anything she could think of, sweet meaningless nothings, until Catra finally started to shake and cry.

“There you are,” she held a little tighter, moved a little closer. “There you are. Come on back now. I miss you.”

When Catra’s eyes finally focused on her the world stopped.

“Gl-Glimmer?” Catra wheezed, a harsh whine quick on it’s heels.

She was still angry. She was furious, but not at Catra. 

Catra had been a member of the Horde, but not for a decade at least. Catra was kind and sweet and a little bit silly. There was a temper, but she’d learned to balance it with patience and poise. Glimmer loved her. Always had, always would. It didn’t matter who she’d been before, she’d been a kid, god have mercy on her soul! She’d been a  ** _child_ ** . 

Glimmer was angry, and Catra wasn’t her father’s killer, and it was damnably unfair of her to act otherwise.

It was easy to smile, to mean it, to let all that relief through in a heartbeat. Bow always said love was a choice, and he was right that it was hard work, but this felt as natural as breathing. “I’m here, I’m right here darling. I told you I’d be back, and here I am. Here with you.”

Catra stared at her, face twisting terribly as she tried to stop her tears. Gingerly, Glimmer reached out and brushed them off her cheeks. Cupping her face delicately in case the scratches hurt.

“Please don’t go,” Glimmer whispered, hoping it would be enough to get her back, “stay.”

Catra nodded, twisting the shirt a little further. Glimmer winced as she heard the poor thing’s seams finally give up the ghost but didn’t look. Her diligence was rewarded when Catra finally managed a single watery, “Okay.”

“Okay. We’re alright dear, we’re a’right. Let’s take a sit, just right here on the bed alright?”

“Okay,” it was even quieter this time, but Catra managed to shuffle to the bed and sat with little prompting. “You’re-you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Glimmer sighed, sitting so she could hold Catra close. Throwing one leg over her lap and pulling her in under her chin. “I’m here.”

The birds outside were pitching a fit as the wind rustled the leaves. The sun was almost too warm on her skin.

“You came back?” Catra whispered into her neck, confused and awed and hurting.

“Always, I’ll always come back you know?”

“Y-you sh-shouldn’t.”

“I can damn well do what I want Miss D’riluth, and my love ain’t some well that’s gonna run dry.”

Catra didn’t answer, just nuzzled closer a few tears landing cold before soaking into her collar.

“God as my witness, we will be at the altar and you are still gonna be surprised when I show up ain’t ya?” Hell’s bells. Didn’t even get a laugh at that one. 

Glimmer sighed but fell silent, just let the both of them breathe and calm. Only shifting enough to ease the aches and pains in her muscles and joints, holding onto Catra tight as she could manage as she planted kisses into her hair. Concentrated on the heat between their bodies. On the sound of Catra’s breathing evening out slowly into something closer to normal.

“Do you remember what happened?” She finally asked when Catra dropped her shirt and tentatively, nervously rested her hands on Glimmer’s leg.

Catra nodded miserably as her breathing picked up a bit again. “I-I, uh, I, uh, t-told you. And-and-and, uh, and-and, I? FUCK!”

“It’s alright, s’alright. I ain’t going nowhere.”

Catra hunched more, pressed into her further before starting again. “I t-t-told you about, about  ** _them_ ** . ‘N y-you left.” Her voice cracked, but she pushed on. “And, and, I-I, uh, I, sh-shit, I punched something?”

“The wall, I think. Is your hand alright?” Glimmer didn’t let go of her hug to check, didn’t want to risk her spiraling right back down.

Catra half nodded, half shrugged; hiccuped a cough. “S-sorry. I’ll clean it-clean it up. I pr-promise, I promise- I promise!”

She soothed as best she could. Forget the damned wall, it would keep! “Don’t worry ‘bout that. What else? You remember anything else?”

“No.” She whispered, shaking but slowly getting herself back under control.

God, Glimmer was exhausted and she bet Catra was too. Miracle they hadn’t just passed out sitting in the sun with everything they’d been through. But the day weren’t done yet, and she still needed and wanted to help.

So she prompted. “Do you remember scratching yourself?” 

“Sss-scratching? No. Did I?” Catra leaned back first, so Glimmer let go. Dropping one hand to rest on her wrist as she rubbed circles into her back.

“Looks like it. All over your face, some on your throat. Does it hurt?”

Catra looked awful. Her eyes focused but watery, somehow both flushed and pale, with the sweat rolling down from her temple matting down her sideburns nearly flush to her skin. Her brow furrowed, then she slowly shook her head. “Is it...bad?”

A few of the deeper ones had blood smeared and drying, most of them were angry raised red slashes. Glimmer wondered how many had already faded before she’d gotten home. “Well...it, uh, it ain’t good?”

“Oh.”

As they sat in silence once more Glimmer found herself circling back to a question she hadn’t even realized she’d been asking herself. Did she still love and want to be with Catra D’riluth knowing even just a tiny part of what she’d done before they’d met? 

It, well, it didn’t feel silly. It didn’t feel dumb. But it also felt ridiculous now that she’d gotten so much of her anger out. 

Glancing out the window Glimmer almost startled as she realized that they’d been sitting here for hours, the sun sunk low in the sky. The whole day gone in a blur and haze of desperation and pain. It brought with it the awareness that she was  _ very _ uncomfortable and specifically the numbness in her left leg, still thrown over Catra’s lap. Her everything hurt and Catra’s everything probably did too. It was a thought from damn nowhere, but Glimmer wished they had a bath big enough that they could share it. Just soak in some hot water and sleep.

And that, ironically, answered her question well enough.

Because she still loved Catra. Because she still wanted to be with Catra. Because even though Catra  **had** done awful things, even though Glimmer didn’t know them all yet, she had changed. She had changed so much from when they’d met. Back when finding out she’d gotten into another fist fight had been a regular occurrence and normal to now was a world of difference. No more concerned Adora finding her to talk about any ‘violent occurrences’ or Bow asking if they were okay. Her mother hadn’t warned her away from Catra in years, hell, she’d just condoned and been excited to hear they were engaged. She’d changed and grown. 

Whoever she’d been before, Catra had moved not just on but forward.

“Hey,” Glimmer pulled Catra over gently, kissing the sharp corner of her jaw, “I love you Catra D’riltuh.”

Catra pursed her lips and shook her head, red eyes squinting as a few more tears gathered in them.

“Yes I do! I love you so much. I love you more than naps and cake and starlight.”

Catra snorted, lips quivering but turning up, at last, into the most timid of smiles. Finally making her way out of the storm, finally fully listening. “A-awful specific.”

“Says you.” Glimmer chuckled then cleared her throat theatrically. “Not these, O none of these more than the flames of me, consuming, burning for his love whom I love, O-”

“Are-are you quoting  _ poetry _ at me??” Catra barked out one incredulous laugh. Which was exactly where she wanted her.

“Hush! See if I try and be romantic with you again!”

“No!” Catra turned as best she could, so they were sitting face to face. Grabbed her hands almost shyly and mumbled, “...I, I like it.”

“Well then, let me start from the top. Ah-HEM! ...Not heat flames up and consumes, not sea-waves hurry in and out, not the air delicious and dry, the air of ripe summer, bears lightly along white down-balls of myriads of seeds, wafted, sailing gracefully, to drop where they may; not these, O none of these more than the flames of me, consuming, burning for his love whom I love, O none more than I hurrying in and out; does the tide hurry, seeking something, and never give up? O I the same, O nor down-balls nor perfumes, nor the high rain-emitting clouds, are borne through the open air, any more than my soul is borne through the open air, wafted in all directions O love, for friendship, for you.”

Well at least the pale flush had become a full out blush, a watery smile that easily shot her through the heart. “ ‘s nice. Did you write that?”

Glimmer laughed nearly hysterically, after the day they’d had she felt rather justified, but tried to get herself under control regardless, “Sorry! No! Goodness, I wish! Just liked it enough to learn it. Mister Walt Whitman wrote that one.”

“...I don’t think I’ve met him.”

Oh goodness gracious she was gonna die! It could not be healthy to suppress this much laughter after crying so damn much.

“If you had I’d be surprised, big name poet living out on the east coast I believe.” She smiled, lifting Catra’s hands to kiss her finger tips. “When I read it the first time, I thought of you. And me. Just...us, I suppose.”

Catra mumbled, sounding almost ready to pass out, “Do you still have it? I’m guessing one of your books?”

“I do. Tell you what, let’s get some of this cleaned up, and wash up ourselves, and I’ll read you some more.”

They went slowly, both tired and sore as they put away clothes and cleaned up the mess downstairs. When Glimmer realized they were both almost swaying, she shoved Catra to the settee and lay down on top of her. Regretfully giving up on her dreams of washing up the tears and sweat and dust, it sounded like a herculean task. 

“Too far t’go up, uuuhhhhp the stairs,” she’d yawned and settled in. So much for reading them both to sleep.

They’d talk. 

They would. 

Not now, not tonight when they were both too raw. Soon. Glimmer listened to Catra’s heart as she slipped into sleep, kissed her collar bone before settling into the side of her neck to breathe in deeply. They’d talk soon about Catra’s past, as much as she would be willing to share. Probably her largest regret for the day was that she’d ended up ruining Catra’s genuine attempt to be open. God, there was so much they had left to do and talk about and sort. Her head throbbed painfull and Glimmer sighed heavily, trying to let the familiarity of Catra’s scent soothe her. 

And they’d need to talk about her father. Catra deserved to know why Glimmer had fled.

Not tonight.

But soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Them's the breaks. Sometimes it breaks right, usually it don't.
> 
> Come scream with me over on [my tumblr!](nny11writes.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I grew up and live in the southwest, in the state of Billy the Kid and Buffalo Bill and Annie Oakley. I've got this down for sure!
> 
> Also Me: I have never written a western ever. What do people want from this genre? Horses? Deputies? Estranged lovers turned enemies desperately trying to reunite before one of them is hung for crimes she committed years and years ago????
> 
> CHECK OUT THIS AMAZING ART DONE BY 
> 
> THERODRIGATOR6:  
[Glimmer breaking everyone's heart](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/188015828137/you-got-it-deputy-i-reaaaallllyyy-wanted-to-draw)
> 
> [The good ol' catch and release](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/187996434667/how-to-quit-you-rtghnsrthnrth-found-a-new-poison)
> 
> [All domestic like, huh?](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/611998117243568128/all-domestic-like-huh-kjbhwefkwebwkefbse-kf)
> 
> [ Deputy Moon's tin type](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/611907213426065408/deputy-glimmer-yo-i-like-to-believe-that-like)
> 
> [Shooting lessons!](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/610997400435376128/catra-teaches-glimmer-how-to-shoot-so-uni)
> 
> WEEZELNESS:  
[ Lesbians? In /my/ barn? It's more likely than you think!](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/610997400435376128/catra-teaches-glimmer-how-to-shoot-so-uni)
> 
> MAJORADORKUS:  
[ two happy beans in love!](https://majoradorkus.tumblr.com/post/615275356133457920/finally-its-done-for-nny11writes-ao3-glitra)
> 
> [BONPOP](bonpop.tumblr.com)  



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